Until the End || Levi x Reader Insert Fanfiction

Ch 5- Grief and Faith

[Back to storyline]

How hadn't you realised... of course, he blamed you for their death. He had left you, he had trusted you, and you had let them go carelessly. Of course, he would despise you. Of course, he would no longer wish to be by your side. You could still feel overwhelming grief overcome your features as you slowly walked down the hall, in desperate need of fresh air. Was it grief for your friends or for the unspoken emotion in your heart that shattered at Levi's proclamation? You found yourself at the entrance to the rooftop where you had spent your last remnants of peace with Furlan and Isabel. You sigh shakily as you continue through to the rooftop, yet to let your eyes rise from the floor that seeped cold air through your boots. But before you continue any further, you hear a sudden movement that makes your head shoot up to the figure in front of you.

Levi.

You felt your heartbeat slow at the realisation before feeling it seep into painful beats as you saw him get up silently and walk towards the entrance you had only taken a few footsteps from. His face looked dull, as dull as your own, and his eyes seemed strained from lack of sleep. Your heart clenched. You had known Levi for years and had never seen him in a state of such defeat. I don't want to see you, I don't want you with me anymore. You had known Levi for years. You had gone through so much together; now, he doesn't want to see you. He doesn't want to be with you anymore. You should let him go, let him grieve in the peace he seems to desire, away from you. You should let him go, let him hate you for all you care, and let all those years together result in nothing; all those years with Furlan and Isabel forgotten. You should let him go, but your hand reaches out for him. I can't let him go.

He freezes under your touch as you shakily raise your eyes to his, and he stares back at you, eyes flashing briefly with emotion before fading into coolness. He tries to move past you, but you don't let go, gripping firmer into his long-sleeved shirt and forcing him to stop his movements. He now looks at you in anger, "[y/n] I told you-" he snapped, but you can't let it end like this. "Levi, just wait, I'm-" but he continues to cut you off with his sharp movements, knowing his strength will easily overpower your own. "LEVI!" your shout echoes briefly amongst the rooftop as he looks at you in slight surprise, not used to your usually soft-spoken words lost in your voice. You looked at him in desperation. "Levi, I'm-" your voice suddenly shook as tears you thought had been spent sting your eyes, fuck not now. You swallow the lump in your throat. Despite your guilt and your anger at his absence, you had missed him. I miss them, you think, as your mind wanders to Furlan and Isabel and then to their lifeless forms.

"I'm sorry," you whisper to him, no longer able to look at him or at the way he looks at you. You let your arms fall limp beside you, but he no longer moves away. "I- I know you don't want to see me anymore. I know you don't want me to be with you anymore. I know you hate me," you feel him flinch but continue quickly, "and you have every right to." You let your eyes wander the floor up to the sky. "I shouldn't have left them; I know that, but in that moment, I had to. I didn't mean to leave them alone. I just lost sight of them, and I-" you whisper, "I let them die... I was too late. I could've saved them; I should have been more cautious, but that was the decision I made."

You now look at him and are surprised to see his cool expression has turned soft and his wide eyes almost regretful. You fight your tears as you try to maintain a steady voice, "That was the decision I made, and I'm sorry." You know you seem desperate, but you can't seem to care. You just want him back; you don't want to see him look at you the way he had this past week; you want your Levi back. You want the Levi who shared his stories with you, who made you feel safe and heard, who made you feel warm. The one who helped you feel free. "I wish it were me, and I would give anything to have them back." He froze at those words, but you didn't let him interrupt, "Forgive me or hate me, but don't ignore me. Please. I miss them." You paused before finding yourself looking at the floor again. "I miss you."