Not a Bad Thing

[HEAVY APOLOGY]

Zoelle's

Darkness will always be the comfort that never leaves me. It's the one place where everything fades away, where it's just me-no noise, no pressure.

I was so familiar with it, like an old friend who never judged, always there when everything else became too much. It understood me in a way no one else ever did.

But sometimes, it feels like a cage.

Trapped in this... never-ending loneliness. Unable to escape the thoughts that start to echo louder the longer I stay in these empty, blank spaces.

Nakakasakal.

"M-Mom, I'm so s-sorry! I... I didn't-"

"You're such a disgrace to this family, you know that? Whatever you do-whatever decision you make, it will always lead us to chaos!"

"I'm s-sorry."

"I'm sorry..." I whispered, hugging my knees as I sat on the cold bathroom floor.

I don't know how long I've been here. I was just saving my phone's battery, in case I needed it.

To be honest, I didn't care who did this. Sanay naman na ako--being trapped, locked up in dark, cold, lonely places... drowning in my own thoughts. The only place where I truly belong.

I get it. No matter what I do... I will always be a prisoner. Chains around my neck, my hands---unable to stand up. I'll never get to see a different view.

Well... at least that's what I thought.

I watched the lights slowly reach my position as the bathroom door finally opened. And there... I saw him.

Standing in the doorway, looking at me with those worried eyes while holding a flashlight pointed in my direction.

I know his name. How could I forget? It's Devin.

Devin, the guy I accidentally punched in the face. Devin, the annoying guy who keeps smiling at me. Devin... the person who dared to open the cage and bring me light.

Devin...

Doon na nagsimulang malunod ang utak ko sa mga tanong: "Why is he here?" "How did he find me?" "What's he doing here?"

But deep down, I just want to cry and thank him for finding me.

"Are you okay?" tanong niya habang diretsyong nakatingin sa mata ko.

Kahit na madilim, I could still see his face because of the light from his phone. His straight hair was neatly styled. His eyes were brown, with a high nose bridge and a pointy edge. A simple, soft, neat-looking guy. Like an angel. Different from his name.

More questions flooded my mind: Why is he so nice to me? What does he want? Why is he always helping me? Does he pity me? Should I let him into my life? Should I be friends with him? What if I ruin his life too?

But then, a cold splash of reality hit me. I was overthinking it again. I was finally out of my cage, yet I was still limiting myself. I can decide on my own. I can take the risk, whatever it brings.

Maybe... maybe it's not a bad thing to give it a try. To have a friend, to try new things, eat new food, dance in the rain, experience a brain freeze. Maybe it's not a bad thing to... live.

Right?

To trust new people, make your own decisions, laugh like there's no tomorrow, sleep under a tree, and... not care what others think when your hair is a mess.