Alluring Remedy

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21.

Tahimik ang naging biyahe namin pabalik.

Walang kumikibo sa sasakyan habang binabaybay namin ang daan pabalik sa quarters. The grocery bags sat between us, a little too full for a simple errand. I guess we all just needed something to do with our hands.

Savi stared out the window the whole time. Buong byahe ay tahimik lang siya, at sa tuwing nililingon ko siya ay ngumingiti lang din siya sa akin. Baste was unusually quiet too. No running commentary, walang random na kuwento na lagi niyang ginagawa. Just quiet glances toward me na agad niyang iniiwas tuwing nahuhuli ko.

And I didn't say a word either. Kasi kung magsisimula ako, baka hindi ko na mapigilan. Baka bumigay ako. Baka... maramdaman ko ulit lahat.

Mukhang naiintindihan din naman nila iyon dahil hindi nila ako pinilit na magpaliwanag. Sila pa nga ang nagsabi na puwede ko lang ikuwento kung handa na ako.

Pagdating namin sa quarters, the rest of the team was scattered around. Perzeus and Atlas were fixing something in the living area, probably the same broken lamp na ilang araw nang sira. Matthias was on the couch, half-asleep with a book on his face. Yssa, no longer in training mode, raised a brow when we entered, but didn't ask questions.

"That took a while," she commented casually, not really expecting an answer.

We just nodded and started unpacking the bags. I focused on stacking cans and organizing stuff in the fridge, nagkukunwaring may purpose lahat ng kinikilos ko. But the truth is, I just didn't want to look up. I didn't want to meet anyone's eyes.

Especially not his.

I could feel it. Perzeus was watching me. The way he always does when he knows something's wrong. That silent kind of concern he never says out loud, but somehow feels louder than any word.

I saw him from the corner of my eye. He took one step forward, like he was about to say something, maybe ask if I was okay, maybe just call my name.

But I didn't give him the chance.

"Mauna na ako sa taas," I muttered, not really looking at anyone.

"Sige. Ako na riyan," sagot ni Savi saka nagtungo sa gawi ko at itinuloy 'yung ginagawa ko.

Nanatili akong tahimik saka naglakad na pabalik sa kwarto ko. Hindi ako lumingon sa kanila ni isang beses. Malamang matagal na silang aware na may mali sa kinikilos ko, pero wala na akong pake. Gusto ko lang makabalik na sa kwarto ko.

Pagdating ko sa kwarto, I shut the door behind me gently. Walang malakas na kalabog, walang drama. Just a quiet click, enough to separate me from them.

From him.

I sat at the edge of my bed, staring at nothing in particular. Parang biglang naging masikip 'yung kwarto ko. Parang kahit ang daming espasyo, wala akong mapuntahan.

And all I could think about was Vince. The way he said my name. The way he smiled like nothing happened. And the way I just stood there, letting him do it.

I hated that I froze.

But more than that, I hated how it still affected me. How one face from the past could undo years of trying to move forward. How even after everything, after him, after this team, after Perzeus... I still felt small. Like I was back in high school. Like I was still that kid he broke.

Pinilit ko namang iwaglit sa isip ko ang nangyari kanina. I lay down, arm over my eyes, trying to block out the world. Hanggang sa lumabas ulit sa isipan ko ang imahe ni Perzeus, ang imahe ng gabing 'yon na hanggang ngayon ay malinaw na malinaw pa rin sa akin.