Losers (Connor Murphy x Reader)

The last bell of the day rang and most students had gone home for the evening. You, Connor, and Evan remained in the building for your own reasons.
Connor felt really bad about pushing that Evan kid earlier. He doubted he meant any harm. He was conflicted about whether he should apologize or just leave it.
No. It's his fault for being an asshole!
But maybe it was a misunderstanding.
Doubt it. Everyone think you're a freak!
That girl didn't though...
He shook his head and stopped arguing with himself and noticed Evan walking down the hall.
He wondered if he should follow him.
No, you'll seem like a creepy stalker.
Just make it subtle.
He won't accept an apology from you.
He seems like he needs a friend...
You--
Connor cut off his own thoughts when he realized that he couldn't see Evan any more. Dammit!
He speed walked in the direction Evan went and saw him go into the computer lab. Connor silently walked in after him and stood by the printer. He wondered if Evan noticed him standing there. Probably not.
Evan was on the phone with someone-- it could easily be assumed that it was his mom-- so Connor waited patiently to open his mouth. He found himself fiddling with the strap of his bag anxiously. Connor wasn't anxious about Ethan, or was it Evan? It didn't really matter to Connor, the point is that it was more of just a general feeling of dread that he was way too familiar with.
Connor stopped playing with the strap when the sound of a printer went off. At the top of the paper read "Dear Evan Hansen,"; well, at least he knew what his name was now. He wondered if he should grab the paper for him. Connor decided that might make him seem like a decent human being.
He took the paper from the printer and cleared his voice before speaking.
"So--"
Evan jumped a little and turned to face Connor. His face was red and he was visibly sweaty. Nonetheless Connor continued talking.
"What happened to your arm?"
Good. That's a good icebreaker.
"Oh it- I- um... I fell out of a tree actually... "
"You fell out of a tree?"
"Yeah..."
"Well that is just the saddest fucking thing I've ever heard."
You idiot! What happened to being nice?
"Yeah I uh, I know."
Try to shift the conversation Connor.
"No one's uh signed your cast."
"No I know..." Connor wondered if the kid actually had any friends— it's not like Connor could exactly judge, as he didn't have anyone either. What about you, he asked himself. Could he really count you as a friend? Connor sure as hell wouldn't know. He stopped contemplating the matter and went back to his conversation with Evan. "Well I'll sign it."
"Oh um, you don't have too..." Connor ignored his statement. Of course Evan would say something like that, it's obvious the kid's got really bad anxiety. "Do you uh, got a sharpie?" Evan dug through his pocket for a second before pulling out a generic, black sharpie and handed it to him. Connor grabbed Evan's arm which caused him to let out a quiet "ow." Connor mentally cursed himself before writing his name in large letters across Evan's blank cast. "Oh. Great. Thanks..." Connor sincerely hope he wasn't being sarcastic. "Yeah well, now we can both pretend that we have friends."
"That's a uh good point..." He looked down at his cast and walked towards the door when Connor remembered that he still had his paper. "Hey, uh, is this yours?"
Connor held the paper out to him and he turned around. "I found it on the printer. It's uh, Dear Evan Hansen, that's your name right?" Connor actually had a genuine smile on his face right now. Evan seemed like a nice kid to him. "I uh- No no no no no no! That's uh just something stupid- it's just this paper that I have to write it's for an assignment--" Connor ignored him again and looked down at the paper, mostly just skimming through it. It couldn't be all that bad, he assumed. The smile Connor had on his face quickly faded once he saw his sister's name. "...Because there's Zoe... Is this about my sister?"
"No no no no no no!... " Evan tried to grab the paper from him but he pulled it away. "You wrote this because you knew that I would find it."
"What?"
"Yeah, you uh, you saw that I was the only other person in the computer lab so you wrote this and you printed this out so that I would find it."
"Why um, why would I-" Connor definitely wasn't going to listen at this point. In his mind, Evan was some asshole trying to get a rise out of Connor out of pure spite.Oh no. There is no way Connor was going to listen to what this asshole had to say now. "So that I could read some creepy shit you wrote about my sister and freak out, right?! So that you can tell everybody that I'm crazy!" Connor knew he was trying to say something but it was just white noise to him now. "Right?! Fuck you!" Connor stormed out of the computer lab with Evan's letter. What the hell is that kid's problem?! It's one thing to mess with me, but it's just fucked up to bring my sister into it- even if she is a total bitch. Oh, I'll show him who's crazy!
Connor left the building and instead of going home to his dysfunctional family, he went behind the before punching the wall, which was really a stupid move as the walls were far from thin. He winced and shook his hand before sliding down to the ground trying to calm himself.
He nearly had a heart attack when he heard to voices coming from nearby. He recognized your voice, and this was confirmed when you came around the corner with what he assumed was another student. He noticed a very quick interaction that involved you shoving about 20 bucks into the other students hand. The unknown student practically sprinted away when Connor said your name, and you were ready to piss yourself. "Oh shit- why are you here?"
"I could ask you the same thing." You rolled your eyes and sat beside him on the ground. "You look pretty pissed dude, are you all good?"
"No."
"Care to elaborate?"
Connor handed you Evan's letter and he could see your eyes going across and down the page before looking back at him with a confused expression. "How did you get this?"
"What?"
"How did you get this? Evan would never give this to someone." Now Connor was the confused one, while you looked just as pissed as he was. "Did you take this from him?"
"Yes. Why wouldn't I? He wrote some creepy shit about Zoe so he could see me freak out and tell the whole school how much of a psycho I am! And how do you even know about the letter? Are you in on this shit?!" Connor's face was red with anger and he was about to storm off again until he felt you grab his arm. "Connor, you're a fucking idiot. The letter has nothing to do with you."
"Okay sure I'll--" He was cut off quickly. "Evan has to write letters to himself for therapy! Did You even read the whole thing?" Connor still doubted that this was the truth. "No, but why would he write about my sister like that?"
"He has a crush on her! Jesus, I figured that was extremely obvious at this point." Connor didn't want to believe you, or anyone for that matter. He yanked his arm out of your grip and glared at you. "You're really a bitch, you know that? Acting calm and innocent all the time and pretending to be nice to me is really fucked up." He got up and started walking away, but didn't make it further than a few feet before went after him. "Connor can you-"
"Shut the fuck up already!" You flinched before getting angry yourself. "You know what Connor, how about instead of being angry and bitter towards someone who's literally only been nice to you, you shut the hell up and listen for a change!" Connor was genuinely surprised that you had raised your voice to him, and it showed on his face. Neither of you knew how to act in this situation. You exhaled deeply and had tears forming in your eyes— not necessarily because you were upset, it just happened when you were frustrated. "Just... just listen for a minute. Please." He didn't say anything, and you continued. "I don't know what I said or did to make you think I'd try to use you, or anyone else for that matter, but I'm sorry. I— I just need you to trust that I genuinely care about you. I know that that's hard to do, and I honestly don't know why I care so much, but I do, okay?"
There was silence before Connor sighed in defeat, only now noticing the fact that you were crying. Connor didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to handle his own emotions, let alone someone else's. He awkwardly asked, "Do you need a hug..?" As this was the only comforting action that he really understood. You quietly responded with, "I feel like we both do." Connor silently nodded in agreement and pulled you into a slightly awkward hug. After a few seconds Connor quietly said, "Sorry..." if you weren't so close to him you wouldn't have herd him. When you didn't respond he kept talking. "You know, I actually went into the computer lab to apologize to Evan and then I go and fuck everything up again." You sighed and finally spoke. "Connor, I know we don't really know each other very well, and you don't exactly trust me, but I really think you can be a good person, and I want to be your friend and help you, but only if you let me." Connor was honestly still doubtful, despite everything that's been said, but it's not like he had much to lose if he denied you. "Okay," was all he said, and you had a small smile on your face. He let go of you and you wiped your eyes with your sleeves quickly.
"Are you going to be alright driving home?"
"I don't have a car."
"Do you want a ride?"
You nodded and the both of you walked to the parking lot to his car. You gave him your address and he dropped you off, but not before you gave him your number and told him that you'd text him later.
Today was a long ass day for everyone.