Losers (Connor Murphy x Reader)

Everyone had started waking up slowly. Connor opened his eyes groggily and saw that you were much further away from him than you were during the night, which only further fueled his anxiety, and with Connor, it doesn't just stop with anxiety, no; anxiety led to paranoia, which led to outbursts.
Once everyone was up, Evan offered to get breakfast for everyone, which was only poptarts, but no one was complaining. You and Evan sat up on the counter together while Jared, Connor, and Zoe sat on the three stools that were placed beside the counter. You and Connor hadn't said a word to one another since you woke up— hell, you didn't even make eye contact with each other. It was uncomfortable to say the least. You had caught him glaring at you, but once he noticed he'd been caught, he looked away, still with a stern look on his face.
Everyone eventually had to go home, but you noticed Evan and Zoe talking while packing. "Hey Connor, tell mom I'll be home in a little bit." He just mumbled out a "whatever" so Zoe took that as an okay. You smiled at Evan in approval and Jared winked at him knowingly. "Make sure you two use protection!" You smacked Jared in the head and groaned. "Jared, shut the fuck up." He rolled his eyes, with a smirk still on his face. You said goodbye to Evan and Jared, whose mom had insisted on picking him up, and offered you and Connor a ride, which you politely declined. This left you and Connor alone to walk together. There were a few minutes of uncomfortable silence before you decided you had enough of it. "Connor, are you okay?" His response was a curt and dismissive "I'm fine." His eyes hadn't even glanced over at you when he spoke and you knew for a fact that he was lying. You had a sinking feeling that you did something to upset him, so you hesitantly asked, "Are you mad at me...?" He didn't respond, so you assumed he hadn't heard you, so you repeated your question anxiously. "Connor, are you mad mad at me?" He wanted to yell at you about how it was obvious he was mad at you. He wanted to snap at you and cry, but he couldn't bring himself to do that. Despite the fact that in his mind, you had used him to hurt him, he still cared about you, and knew that an outburst would cause you to have a mental breakdown, so he tried to keep a calm demeanor. "Y/n, um, about last night..." You looked at him and felt anxiety swell in your stomach. "What about it?" He hesitated for a second. "Did it mean as much to you as it did to me?" You weren't exactly sure how to respond to that. Of course it meant something to you but you still weren't sure how to put your thoughts into words. Your silence only made Connor more insecure and he laughed to himself. "It's um, it's fine, I get it. We can just forget about it."
"Connor no I didn't—"
"It's fine, just drop it."
"No, listen I—"
"Y/n, just shut the fuck up already!"
You flinched at the harshness of his tone and looked at the ground as you continued walking. The tension was so thick now that you could cut it with a knife. After a solid minute of silence, you played your chances and decided to try to speak again. "Connor, I'm sorry, can you please just listen to me?" He shot an icy glare at you, and replied in a calm tone that was laced with aggression. "Why? So you can explain to me how you've just been toying with my emotions?" You were honestly shocked that he thought that, but you also started to grow more and more irritated at how uncooperative Connor was being. "Do you honestly think that I'd waste months of my life just to mess with some random ass person?" Connor furrowed his eyebrows in frustration. "Why else would you waste your time hanging around me? You don't benefit whatsoever just by being nice to me!" You rolled your eyes and you and Connor were now stopped in the middle of the sidewalk arguing. "Connor, you're an idiot, you know that?" He felt his fists tighten by his sides and he was honestly ready to punch you in the mouth as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. "Well clearly I am because for a while, I actually believed that someone gave a shit about me, and I even thought that maybe there were some mutual feelings there, but clearly I was wrong." Your face was flushed with irritation, and you were equally ready to punch someone. "Have you taken a second think that maybe you're blowing things way out of proportion, because here's a newsflash dipshit— there are feelings there, and I thought by now it would've been at least a little obvious."
"Well excuse me for doubting anyone could care about me, especially not the person who I've had a thing for for the past three months!"
You groaned loudly with frustration and grabbed the taller boy by the shirt, bring his face down to your eye level. Connor thought you were going to punch him, and you honestly felt like you could, but instead, you pressed your lips roughly against his. Connor was shocked to say the least, but quickly gave in and melted into the kiss. The moment was really cliche, but it really didn't matter too much.
You pulled away after a few seconds and Connor looked at you and his eyes were the size of dinner plates. "Well shit." You let go of his shirt and he returned to his regular standing posture. "Connor, if you ever even think that I would try to manipulate you, or anyone else again, I won't hesitate to knock your lights out, do I make myself clear?"
"Crystal."
There was a moment of silence before Connor spoke again. "So does that mean that you actually like me or what?"
"Of course it does you fucking idiot."
You tried to sound serious, but you ended up laughing at yourself, which made Connor chuckle. "Let's go home, tall ass." Connor nodded and the two of you started walking. Connor looked at you, then the ground, then back at you. "I'm really sorry for freaking out."
"It's all good."
"So... kind of a stupid question, but do you want to go out some time?"
"That was a stupid question, but the answer is yes."
Connor took your hand in his nervously, and his evasiveness was obvious, so you squeezed his hand to reassure him that it was alright, which made him smile to himself. "I hope you know that you're not off the hook for being an asshole." Connor nodded and simply said, "Fair enough."
Connor had insisted on bringing you home, even though it meant he'd have to go out of his way to do so. You let him walk you home so that you could spend at least a little more time with him. The walk wasn't long, which for once was upsetting. Connor let go of your hand once you got to your house and you hugged him. Connor was never exactly fond of physical contact, despite the fact that you had hugged him multiple times in the past, but right now it felt right; although, he had initially tensed up, he returned the hug and squeezed you gently. The hug lingered for a moment before you pulled away and planted a kiss in the taller boy's cheek. "Bye, Connor."
"See ya short shit." You rolled your eyes before telling him that you'd text him later, and went into your house. Connor felt where you had kissed him and smiled like a doofus as he turned around and went home.
Later on both of you were lying in bed by yourselves just replaying the morning's events in your heads over and over again.