Random things I think about

Okay so I was at church(gasp) with my best friend(  ) and her bf(wasn't as awkward as it could've been, I like her and stuff soo, but he's cool, not good enough for her, but cool(no one is good enough for her, not even me, she is everything)) and he cuts (not judging, finish before you think I am) he did them over the weekend (I saw them Monday, I knew they were there) but I was having a bad day and his cuts just looked so nice? Like not in a good way, it was bad, but like, I wanted to do it (I cut, but I've been trying to get better recently) and it was weird, because like, I've never been triggered before, but I was...? Like I wanted to just go into a bathroom or something and cut like crazy, and he only had a few, so like, it's weird? I don't want to get to where I get triggered after seeing self-harm, but like, I can't not get triggered now? Like every cut and scar I've seen since I've been triggered by and it really sucks, cause I have scars all over me, what if those end up being triggering? Like, that was the only defense I had against my councilor, that I didn't get triggered and that after I cut I didn't want to do it again, that I was content with the ones I had, so like uggg I can't- smh just like kms? 'Cause this is not okay. And I'm not okay and nothing is okay and like smh it's just not......

ALSO I AM vv SORRY FOR HOW INACTIVE I'VE BEEN RECENTLY< I LOVE ALL OF YOU AND VENTING TO YOU GUYS IS TOTALLY FUN AND I LOVE HEARING YOUR OPINIONS, BUT LIKE I HAVEN'T HAD WIFI OR A LAPTOP TO GET ON RECENTLY (also I was like sorta grounded, but like pfff) SO I WILL BE ON MORE FOR NOW ON I LOVE ALL OF YOU PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!!!!! 

Also my friend  is amazing and you guys should go check out his new story (he is amazing and like my best friend and I love him so vv much and the story he's writing is based off real life stuff that's happened between him an one of my vv good friends and stuff so like go check that out, and stuff and there's gonna be an awesome squeal (maybe) about another relationship he's been in (with me... but like things are gonna be exaggerated in that part cause like we barely did anything cause we dated for like a month then I (stupidly) broke up with him and crushed my own heart but now he's happy with the person he's dating so ig it's all good for him...) So, yeah, check him out, he's cool and amazing and everything... 

Also mY MOM HAD HER BABY, HIS NAME IS DAXX AND HE IS ADORABLE AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH OMG!!!!!!!! 

Also on the bus ride home from church this guy that I know (sorta he's like a grade ahead of me?)he was flirting with me and it was weird and awkward and I kinda wanted to die? So he like put his arm around me and my best friend (who was sitting behind me) was all like "put your arm down, right. now." and he moved his arm faster then I've ever seen anything moved before in my life, but then he kept touching me (on the arm and thighs, which I was very uncomfortable with) and when my best friends bf got off the bus I went back and sat with her so I could be away from him, and she got all pissed when I told her what happened she was like "do you like it when people poke you, huh, huh?" while she aggressively poked him and she was like "leave her alone next time, god" and some other stuff and it was amazing. I love my best friend so much (she's amazing and I love her and I would do almost anything for her (I left my house for her, I've ran for her, more then once, she is like super special, I don't run or leave my house) She is everything, she is my everything, like everyone has at least one reason to get out of bed in the morning and mine is literally her, we walk to school together, and I leave at 7 in the morning, just so I can see her, God I love her so much! 

Also, you guys remember that friend I stayed the night at's house (the one where I dressed as a playboy bunny and ended up going on a bike ride at's?(I wasn't dressed up as a playboy bunny while I was riding the bike tho), well me and her aren't as close anymore, it really sucks, but I mean I guess I have McKenzie (my bestest friend in the world) so I'm okay, but like I'm still like in love with that other friend? Like kill me? I hate everything rn like smh... kill me.... 

~ILoveYouGuysMoreThenANythingInTheWorld!! 

P.S. ~ There was supposed to be a shooting at my school, but then it, like, didn't happen? I was so sad? Like everyone else was all like "I knew it wouldn't happen LOL" or "Thank god it didn't happen and shit" and here I am like "what? No? That bitch was supposed to kill me? I can't even fathom why the fuck someone would get my hopes up like that just to crush it into little pieces? Like do you get some sick thrill out of this? What is wrong with you?" I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or what, but like that was my legit reaction.