Trying to live

Chapter 2 (Edited)

Our eyes met, and my heart did that thing again—clammy hands, cold feet, and completely erratic beating.

I had no idea what was going through his mind, but I couldn't help hoping he was remembering the same things I was.

Because I did think about us. A lot.

But I also knew it was wrong to keep looking into the eyes of someone who had hurt you. I bit my lip hard, knowing if I didn't stop, my stupid feelings would take over.

I took a deep breath and let it out, right as he raised an eyebrow at me.

Of course, he did. It was like he knew he still had some power over me. I smirked at him, trying to play it off.

I told my heart to calm down because, let's face it, that's how we survive.

"Emerson?"

I didn't want to be the one to break eye contact first, but I had to. I turned toward Principal Richardson. She had finally hung up and was now seated behind her desk, looking mildly amused.

"You didn't hear a word I said, did you?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

"No, I'm sorry," I admitted. "Can I sit on the couch?"

She nodded, and, surprisingly, she moved to sit next to me. Principal Richardson took my hands in hers and let out a deep breath. "Emerson, I have some news for you, and I want you to listen without interrupting."

I felt a cold knot form in my stomach. This wasn't going to be good.

"Your mother had a car accident this morning. She lost a lot of blood, and the doctors put her into a coma."

I blinked, trying to process. "And what does that mean for me? I swear, if you say I have to live with my dad in the middle of nowhere—"

"Emerson." Principal Richardson gave me a look. "I told you not to interrupt."

I sighed, glancing out the window at the now cloudy sky. Was I supposed to feel... sad? Guilty for not feeling worse? If I didn't feel bad for my mom, did that make me a terrible daughter? Maybe. But she hadn't exactly been the nicest to me either.

"Your father isn't here," she continued.

I narrowed my eyes. "Wait, what do you mean he's not here?"

"He's overseas. With his new wife. And their son."

I scoffed. Of course, he was. Not only had he walked out on my mom and me, but he had also gone and started a new family. A new family that he actually cared about.

Honestly, I hated him more than I hated my mom. Not that it was really hate. It was something else. Something colder.

Principal Richardson sighed. "We've decided—meaning the school, hospital, and I—that you and your brother will be staying with Mrs. Avilla until your mother recovers."

I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. Mrs. Avilla? As in, the woman I hadn't spoken to in over a year?

"No," I said firmly. "I don't want to."

"Emerson, I know this is hard, but you'll be seventeen soon, and your brother's turning eighteen in January. You can't live alone in that mansion. This is for the best."

I scowled, folding my arms. "It's not my fault my parents sent me off to boarding school when I was five."

Principal Richardson rubbed her temples. "Do you have any idea how exhausting you are?"

I blinked at her, feigning innocence. "Who, me?"

She ignored me. "Look, Emerson, I know things haven't been easy, but I'm trying to help you."

"I know," I muttered, biting my lip. "But I have a favor to ask."

Her eyebrow arched. "A favor?"

I nodded. "Yeah. You know how you've been making me sit with my brother at lunch? I was thinking, maybe it's time for me to—"

"Eat lunch in the library?" she cut me off, a smile tugging at her lips.

I blinked. "Wait, really? You're okay with that?"

"Yes, Emerson. You've finally learned to speak your mind. And that's what I've been waiting for."

I stared at her, surprised. Maybe she wasn't as clueless as I thought.

"Thank you," I said, genuinely meaning it.

Emerson," she said softly, but sternly. "Last year was difficult for you. You were always bright, happy, and outgoing. And then suddenly, you became moody, withdrawn, and reckless. I could see that you didn't care about anything anymore. That's when I knew I had to step in. But I want you to know, you still have a voice, and I'm not here to take that away."

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. She was right. I used to be the girl everyone looked up to. But last year, I lost myself. It was easier to just not care. To drown everything out.

I stared at her, not sure what to say.

She finally broke the silence, giving me a small, encouraging smile. "This isn't forever, Emerson. You'll be okay."

As I got up to leave, Principal Richardson glanced at me, and her expression shifted to one of barely hidden amusement.

"What on earth are you wearing?"

I glanced down at my oversized hoodie and grinned sheepishly. "Oh, this? It was cold this morning. I ditched the blazer for something warmer."

She shook her head. "You know, you're supposed to wear the school uniform, right?"

"I am! Look," I said, lifting the hoodie to reveal my perfectly regulation shirt underneath. "I just added... layers."

Principal Richardson chuckled softly. "Don't push your luck, Emerson."

I shot her a grin. "Hey, you like me."

"Don't push your luck."

She liked me.

I gave her one of my rarest, brightest smiles I had and left the room, dreading what was to come.