If I Knew Then BxB~ Is being Edited.

                                                                         Brian's pov.

Everything i thought i knew was coming undone,the don't trust people rule,the don't fall in love rule,the lock you're goddamn heart in a freezer box and maintained it cold rule,every single decision was made since i was 9 years old and the first person betrayed me,he was my friend hell my only friend and he dump me to be with better friends,cooler friends who made my life a living hell.

Love didn't exist for me,i mean it was just a myth to me a foreign word 'love'.

Look at my parents,they got married had a baby boy when said boy turn 13 years old my father realize on a trip to Paris to visit his family that he was marriedto the wrong person,when he came back he was sad all the time and acted all happy when he would read his emails,i being a 13 year old boy wanted to see what the hell made him so happy when reading his emails and that's when i found out that my father was in love with someone else and that someone else was a man.

See if my parents divorce after years of claiming their love for each other only to divorce each other and be with other people,than what makes me think my life would be any different,why put in hours of hours of proclaiming love for each other so that when someone better comes along for me or Fisher we hurt each other once again.

The comedy that's our lives makes us sad and broken,so even if i forgive Fisher which i probably will because unlike me he cares about my mother's happiness.

So who am i to judge?.My mom was happy that i stayed the whole two weeks there with her and that just makes me feel more like shit knowing that im spending my birthday with dad and Antonio and not my mom,why am i so hard to my mother?.Because my mom is still the sweet person towards my dad even though he left her for a man.

She didn't yell,shout or hit him at all,she just smiled sadly and gave him a kiss on the cheek and told him to go see him and she'll be mailing the divorce papers.

My god i love my dad and Antonio,im not mad at them no on the contrary i love those two man but my mom and Daniel manage to slip into my heart and now i got four parents and one boy proclaiming his love for me.What am i suppost to do?.How am i suppost to feel?.Should i let Fisher,Daniel and my mother in just like dad and Antonio are,why am i so terrified of the out come?.

And than it hit me,why am i here in Paris when all my answers are back in New York?,Should i go?.

Tomorrow is my birthday party do i care if i missed it?.Fuck no.

The only person with all this answers is in New York.

My three questions.

How do you know when you're inlove?.

How do you forgive a loved one when they hurt you?.

How can you keep the one that hurt you close to youre heart with out hating the person?

So screw my party,i think my life is more important right now.

And without a second thought i grab a piece of paper and a pen to leave a note for my dad and Antonio.

Dear:dads.

Sorry i didn't stick around for my party,im taking the jet and going back to the place where all the answers to my questions are,i need this dad,you told me that im scared to let people in,well you were right,but like you i dont know why,well i know why but i need to ask this person how can they be so forgiven,i just now realized why i was so hard to this person,because they were being so goddamn forgiving towards everyone and i couldn't where did i get the bitterness?.Why am i a cold hearted bastard that doesn't wait for explanations no he just waits for someone to fuck up so that he can move on and not get hurt,but dad i realize i always get hurt,no matter how much i tried i end up getting hurt and hurting the people around me and im tired of running away,of shutting people out,im drained and i just want to be happy.

Again sorry i know how much you had you're heart set in this party,but im just looking for some peace of mind and the answers to all my questions..

I'll call you later.

Brian