Caught in a landslide. No escape from reality.

FREDDIE'S POV

I was scared, I really was.
I had heard about so many deaths lately - of people I knew, of people I had been intimate with.
And they all shared two things: they had lived to sleep with Freddie fucking Mercury himself... and they had all died because of the same disease.

It was the eleventh of March, and our penultimate concert in the U.S., in Santa Monica.
LA was beautiful, the beach was stunning, as well as the people.
I could have had so much fun but I was too afraid to go any further.

Paul had seemed to notice that I was being less risky, less wild.
And he didn't like it at all.

"What is going through your head, Freddie?" He started gesticulating with his hands, his gaze was reflecting annoyance and despair, both at the same time. "You could be having the time of your life" He started walking up and down the room, holding his temples. He was facing the ground and didn't look at me out of anger. "you could be having so much fun! And what are you doing?" Now he raised his head and his piercing stare speared my heart. "You are being as boring as Brian!"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please! What are you talking about, Paul? Brian is not boring!" I leaned over to Paul and whispered, covering my mouth with a hand: "He's just over there, in the next room. He can probably hear us." I chuckled but Paul didn't find it amusing at all.

"I don't care! You've changed, Freddie! Why?" He frowned at me. "You aren't the Freddie Mercury I've met; you aren't the Freddie Mercury I've fallen in love with!"

I sighed and let myself fall into the couch which was standing behind me. "I've decided not to die. Is that a bad thing?"
"Die? Who said you're gonna die?"
"Look around, Paul! Everyone is dying! I'm not down for that bullshit anymore!"

"It was the bass player, wasn't it?" Paul suddenly mumbled with a serious voice.
"My name's John!" I heard Deaky yell from the other room where the boys where at.

"What?" He could probably see my confusion but he just shook his head and turned away from me, then he left.
I shrugged and decided to join the band in the next room. There was no space for Paul's negativity in my life right now. I didn't care what Paul wanted from me. I didn't belong to him. And I wasn't really in love with him anymore. There was no real reason, I had just lost my feelings for him. Maybe because I had been enchanted by Deaky that morning after the party in New York.

--

JOHN'S POV

In the evening, after the concert, we decided to go out for dinner as it was one of our last evenings here on the west coast of the states.

Freddie had chosen a fancy restaurant which was way too pricey for our budget but he insisted on going there, so instead of enduring his bad mood and his nagging we agreed and came along.

As Brian, Roger and Freddie had already disappeared behind the entrance of the restaurant, someone grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me back outside.
I gasped and turned around in shock just to look into Paul's furious eyes.

"What did you do to Freddie, you cheeky brat?!" He yelled into my face. I frowned and stepped back a little. "What do you mean?"
"What do you mean? What do you mean?", he aped me and pulled some stupid faces. "You know exactly what I mean! I know that you're just in for the money, so stop influencing Freddie like that! Let him have some fun and fuck you!"

My eyes widened as he threw all those accusations into my face and I didn't know what to say or why he was attacking me so suddenly. "In for the-? I'm not-"

"Are you coming, darlings?" I suddenly heard Freddie's voice from behind and instead of facing Paul again, I quickly nodded and hurried into the restaurant.
I was bad with arguments, especially with such unexpected ones.

As we were having our dinner, I could feel Paul's icy stare on me the whole time and it made me nervous. I kept thinking about his words.
In for the money?
I wasn't in for the money.
It was a nice side effect, but I was in for the music and Freddie, Brian and Roger, because they were my friends... Or a little more than that, sometimes.

--

It was two a.m. when I woke up from a nightmare and my thoughts immediately decided to bring back Paul's words again. It stressed me out a little, so I decided to have some time alone outside, at the beach.

I took my pack of cigarettes and my lighter and scampered outside. As soon as I had closed the door behind me, I lit my cigarette and started walking towards the sea.
It was surprisingly warm for March, but it was probably just California.

In for the money. No way. Why was he thinking that? Did it look like that?

"Got you."
My thoughts got interrupted and as I turned around I saw Roger, standing there, leaning against the wall of the hotel.
"Oh... Hello, Rog.."
Why was he awake? I didn't dare to ask.

"It's nice at night, isn't it?" He pushed himself away from the wall and took out a cigarette, placed it into his mouth and nodded at my lighter.
I lit his cigarette and he started walking next to me.
"Are you still in love with me?" He asked, just like that, blowing some smoke into the air.
"I... uhm... I don't know..." I started, completely overwhelmed with the sudden question.
"I think I've accepted that it's you and Brian and not you and me..." I shrugged and inhaled the poisonous smoke deep into my lungs as I stared at the ground in embarrassment.

I saw Roger nod from the corner of my eye. "Good." He seemed to smirk whilst staring into the sky. "I'm sorry. Let's forget about that rubbish and move on."
I nodded, still staring at the ground. "Okay..." I whispered, unconsciously shaking my head, remembering what I had done because I had been so madly in love.

"We good?" He asked as we arrived at the beach.
"Yes." I smiled at him and a sense of relief conquered my body and for a moment I completely forgot about Paul and his accusations which were the second heavy weight of guilt crushing my heart, next to the tense situation between Roger and me - which was gone now, luckily.