~?i'M sOrRy?~

I woke up to shuffling and quick movements around my room, I sit up and see papa running around getting me some clothes out and dad was coming over to wake me up. "What's going on?" "Mitsuku called us, she said something about bakugou."

I quickly nod and change into what papa had gotten out and we rush to the hospital, auntie is already standing there crying. She looks worn out and sleep deprived, so mainly like dad when he doesnt get coffee.

Her entire body was shaking from her sobs, I rushed over to her and hugged her. "My baby!" She cried out as she clutched me close to her shaking body. "Is kachan okay?!" I sob out as my voice cracks in the middle of me asking.

Her eyes close and she collapses to the floor with a thud, papa and dad rushed over to her side to help her up. "I-im sorry Izuku! He passed away minutes before you came..." I blinked a few times before it finally registered in my head.

"W........what?" I whispered as dad places a hand on my shoulder to ground me. Tears pour out of my eyes as my vision blurs and melts together in random blobs of color. I looked around the room to see nothing but blobs of the closest people around me.

Tears flowed down my face, touching every crevice and imperfection that kachan would've said was beautiful and made me perfect to him. I couldn't seem to ground myself as I collapsed to the cold, tile ground beneath me. I could feel the cold tile refresh my hot skin but I couldn't care less right now.

I couldn't get ahold of myself as my body started shaking from the sobs that started escaping my body. Auntie hugged me and gripped my shirt as she sobbed into my shoulder, my arms found their way across her body in a hug.

I felt like forever until I was able to be moved from the spot, dad had to wrap me up in his capture gear and put me in the car. Papa drove home but I didnt notice it, I was to busy crying and trying to wrap my mind on what I have learned.

He couldn't have left? He said he would stay with me forever and ever. He promised me, he said he would and he never lies to me. I was picked up and taken inside and to my room, they left me alone probably thinking I needed to think about it alone.

I wrapped myself up in blankets as I thought over what kachan had ever told me before. He said he loved me and would never leave me alone, he lied. He said he would always be here to protect me but he lied. But it wasn't his fault now wasn't it? It was mine.

I was the one who attacked him and sent him into a coma, which then he died from my attack. It's all my fault and I should feel guilty, and I do.

If I never took that medicine then kachan would still be here, because I wouldn't have those attacks. I should of never have taken that medicine, if I didn't then kachan would be right here next to me, trying to console me. I would have my boyfriend here with me and he would be giving me a hug.

I could almost feel his hand on my back, trying to console me and stop me from crying. Kachan said he would never leave me!

I sobbed into my pillow as I gripped my hair, pulling it, trying to hurt myself for what I did.

I deserve it.

I deserve everything that is thrown my way.

I know what I must do to be happy.

I got up from my bed and made my way to the supply closet, I know dad has some rope in there, I've seen it in there before. I grabbed the rope and went back to my room, I started on the noose.

~~~

Let's learn how to tie a noose, it's easy I your not obtuse.

All you need is a piece of rope and abandon all your hope.

You make a loop and the snake goes down but changes his mind and turns around.

It climbs back up to the top again, this is where the fun begins.

You take the snake and spiral down and at the bottom what has he found?!

The snake goes into the rabbit's hole, then you give the top a pull.

Now it's ready for your use, this is how you tie a noose.

~~~
(If you ever want to suicide please talk to a professional and talk to someone, please trust me, it will get better, please dont end your life. We are all here for you, I'm here for you and I'm here to talk to.)

I made the noose and hung it up from a hook, I went and grabbed a stool, I knew I would need this soon.

I only had to wait for midnight when I would hang myself, I cant do it yet, maybe I'll even play some music when I go. I wonder what I'll play, maybe that nice old song that I love? Yeah I'll play that tonight.

~~~~
Edited: April 29, 2020