THE SAME

Are you fucking joking?

I didn't know Marcello had this many friends. 

Not enough to fill up a nightclub anyways.

I don't know how he managed to gather this many people but, I am ready to leave.

Samirah's curls bounced up and down as moved with bottled up energy. She smiled and waved at everyone saying hey's every five seconds. I know I already look like the stuck-up, less attractive companion.

I can't help but compare myself to her in these situations.

I am not one to push the colourist agenda but, I can't pretend it does not exist. In the many years, Sam and I have been friends, I have always been the cool friend and never the pretty one  which did nothing to my confidence. Her pretty caramel complexion and extremely curly long hair along with her slim, hourglass figure has always been upheld compared to my brown complexion, coiled hair and fuller shape. 

It is not that I'm fat but, I'm not Samirah. 

Whereas Samirah matured into a grown, beautiful woman, I didn't. I have a baby face and didn't grow that much pretty, still getting mistaken for a teen although I'm well into my twenties. 

Not surprisingly, Samirah was already getting bombarded by guys and I stood by her smiling awkwardly.

Gosh, I need a drink... or ten.  And I don't drink.

The stench of body odour was thick and the music was vibrating the whole place. There were bodies everywhere and I felt like if I tried to move, I would slip as some wet patches caught were caught by the lights.... that and I saw a girl almost slip on the drink someone spilt. People were dressed for a pool party with minimal clothing but, I wasn't wearing a turtleneck so, I couldn't judge. It was dark and the flashing florescent lights made me feel like I was at the set Usher's Yeah! video... with 8D everything. 

Straight up... not a good time bro.

I got tapped on the shoulder and a guy with barely open eyes, pointed to one of the booths that were secluded. Marcello waved and subtly signalled for us to approach. Samirah was so busy animatedly talking she didn't notice so, I gently pulled her along.

It wasn't like those guys cared. They enjoyed having her near, but they loved to watch her leave... if you get my gist.

"I did not expect you to come Nay," Marcello joked fist-bumping Samirah, "I'm glad to have you guys here. I've been trying to set up a lil reunion with us three."

So a nightclub loud, obnoxious party is your idea of a reunion? I am not attending your baby showers. Plus, it's not just us three at the booth.

Marcello was THE guy back in college. I had the biggest crush on him. I mean, who wouldn't? His brown skin complexion, good fashion sense, charismatic, the fade was always clean and he smelled nice. I thought I was dreaming when him and I became friends. I grew out of the crush when he confessed he liked Samirah. It was like reality just hit me like a train that guys just never look at me beyond a friend. They never seem to look at me how they look at Samirah.

And it hurt. A lot.

Samirah rejected him because she knew how much I liked him but, I just couldn't really approach 'crushing' on someone the same. Somewhere deep down, I felt embarrassed for thinking I had a chance so, I haven't really approached romance since then. We all did manage to remain good friends because... we are adults. And adults do not make awkward situations more awkward. 

This is such a depressing club visit... perhaps, I do need those drinks.

"Whatever," I dismissed sitting at the booth and pouring myself a drink, "you know I hate get togethers like this. It's not even that intimate with this whole zoo."

I didn't really pay attention to much as I focused on getting drunk and laughing at jokes. I didn't really notice who was at the table... not until Samirah made it a point.

"I know we haven't got bat juice or anything but I hope champagne and vodka is good enough," Samirah drunkly giggled looking at this guy on the table. He was the only other person on the table.

I could feel mine and Marcello's blood run cold.

Because homeboy was Asian so this was blatantly xenophobic.

And I know in my heart Samirah is not xenophobic but... she blatantly said something xenophobic. Drunk or not, it is not cool.

"Somchai... I'm so sorry bro," Marcello started obviously sobering up whilst he launched himself multiple rapid sorrys. The guy had an uncomfortable smile as he assured him it was okay.

And I knew he had never been in this situation. It took me right back to being made fun of in school during the Ebola crisis just because I was black.

It doesn't feel good to be facing discrimination instead of passively looking at it? Shocker.

Nevertheless, Samirah is wrong.

"Sam, what has gotten into you?" I asked dumbfounded, "apologise right now."

"Why should I apologise? They brought a fucking pandemic that almost destroyed us. They were eating fucking Joe Exotica meal deals everyday."

Drunk words, sober thoughts.

I know Samirah isn't xenophobic but, I know Samirah is frustrated and tired and she needs someone to blame for the effects of the pandemic. Even months after. She lost both her grandparents to the disease, days apart so.... it has been building up. I know she doesn't blame Asians for the pandemic but sometimes... people say stuff they do not mean.

It was time to go. So I apologised to the guy and focused on getting Samirah home. The guy seemed truly hurt at Samirah's words. I couldn't blame him but, I can't coddle him.

I hope his skin gets way thicker... because I know there's people worse than Samirah and they're not 2 feet away.