THE SAME

So when I was a teenager, I didn't experience late night texting.

I just didn't feel confident or pretty enough to talk to guys.

So this is... new.

Giggling like a kid under the cover looking at the bright light of my screen. I can feel an incoming morning headache from how bright my screen is and also almost falling asleep at team meetings from denying myself sleep. Waiting for him to text and smiling at the typing icon.

I would laugh at how pathetic girls who do this are... now look at me, look where I am.

Attention from the opposite sex has stopped being factor in my life long ago. But right now... I know I have his attention. If I stopped texting him right now, I know he'd spend maybe an extra minute, maybe an extra ten wondering if I had fallen asleep or just had decided to ignore him.

It's somehow empowering.

I couldn't help but feel warm. Warm that somebody... thinks texting me is more important than sleep.

It's extremely warm.

I couldn't help but quietly laugh about how Somchai coughed on purpose in the Supermarket because an old lady wouldn't stop staring at him. He mentioned how that sent her running. But, in return he had people looking at him like owls with big worried eyes.

He seemed to take this newfound attention and discrimination on a stride. He'd often tell me funny ways in which he'd handle awkward situations at work like people only wearing face masks when talking to him.

He's a better man than me, I would've been in HR demanding action. 

It made me angry that he got treated like this and I want him to badly pull a Karen in HR but, he won't do it. 

I just want him to put his foot down. I just want better for him. Because I care for him. As a friend.

...

"Sooooo," Samirah started wiggling her eyebrows, "you and Somchai?"

These little lunch meetings are a must for Samirah and I. Whenever our lunch breaks align, we eat together and pester each other about life. Lately the topic is the same black-haired boy but, I enjoy seeing Samirah so I guess I could endure it as long as it came with a meal.

"Sam, it's barely been a month, don't start the fireworks."

"B-But... I'm not starting the fireworks, ya'll started them being cute," she pouted wanting to get her way.

From the moment she found out Somchai and I talk often (maybe everyday), Samirah has not rested. She has gone full matchmaker and whenever she can squeeze in a Somchai mention, she does it. This is the first time she has seen me not completely dismiss a guy because he doesn't do it for me so she wants us to skip everything and get to the important stuff.

Wants us to be together already.

I appreciate her cheering and managing my romantic life more than I care about it. However, I am not waiting for prince charming, I am going with the flow. I don't even know what liking someone is supposed to look like right now. I am definitely not the same as when I crushed on Marcello.

Adult Nayla does not get stupid over guys. I'm sure the increased heart rate is just me not trying to embarrass myself in front of him. I get anxious talking to new people all the time.

Right now, I just want to enjoy the great friend he is.

"Chanyl."

"Girl, what?"

"The first baby girl," she stated in a matter of fact tone, "it's only right if she is called Chanyl."

... Right.

"I'm not naming my child off-brand Chanel Samirah - straight disrespectful."

"You denied the name. But not him so you're willing to have him as your baby father," she clapped excitedly.

Girl, what?

"You've had too much coffee and we need to get back to work."