Q?U?E?E?N {Noah Puckerman/Glee} {Book 1}

I stare at myself in the mirror for what feels like hours. I'm crying... I rarely cry. Crying sucks. It shows weakness, I shouldn't show weakness. But right now I feel pathetic... I can't lose-

Why is that the only thing that's on my mind?! Twenty four seven! It's a guy! Why do I care so much? Why does she care so much? Does he actually care? Does he actually like me, or is this some cruel joke?

Me: Santana I'm sorry.
'Tana: are you? Are you actually sorry? Because even after that! You ditched me for Puck!
Me: you told me to leave you alone
'Tana: when has that actually ever meant 'leave me alone'?
Me: that's so confusing.
'Tana: you do it all the time!
Me: I'm sorry Santana, I really am. I've thought about it ... I think I'm gonna end whatever it was.
'Tana: like that? For me?
Me: you've been there for me more than anyone else...
Me: you're too important to me.
'Tana: are you sure it's what you want?
Me: yes.
No. No it really isn't.
***
"I'm sorry." I look into his eyes, he looks sad but also... disappointed. In me? In how short this whatever we were went for and just ended within days?

I contain whatever feeling I have. I want to cry. But I can't. Because that gives him hope and I can't give him hope. Because this is over and that's it. It was over before it ever really started and I can't help but feel sorry for that. Now that it's over - I already miss it.
"Alena-" he starts. "I'm sorry, Puck." I cut him off and walk into the choir room. "You were happy for once, I swear!" He calls after me.

"Don't you dare start a scene!" I growl at him, shoving him back into the corridor. "I said it's over. It's over." I keep my expression firm. This is best for me. I whirl back around and take my seat next to Santana.
***
I updated btw :)