Q?U?E?E?N {Noah Puckerman/Glee} {Book 1}

I hope you have peace wherever you are Naya.
***
"What were you thinking?!" Finn stares at me, genuinely confused. He doesn't understand my thought process for anything, which I guess it fair. I'm told I'm a complicated person. I think that statements true.

"Do we have to talk about this?" I mumble, burying my face into his pillow. "I'm soooo not in the mood."
"You were happy! Why would you screw that up?! Are you on drugs? Are you smoking crack??" He ends up stammering, lost for words.

"Can we please leave it?" I barely whisper, I feel guilty. I hurt puck. I'm hurting myself. But it's for the best! Finn continues on his rant, asking me 'why?' Repeatedly.

"Can we please leave it?" I cry out, desperate to end this conversation. I feel awkward, nauseous. I'm uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, I-" I avoid his eyes, he can't know that I'm hurt by this. That's not what I'm like.
"Let's just leave it." He speaks over the top of me, he can clearly see that I'm hurting. He just doesn't know why I'm putting myself through this.

It's the best for me. Best for Puck. Of course it's the best for Santana too. She has to be happy.
***
"I still don't get it," Puck stares down at me. I notice a hint of hurt in his eyes, I hate it. It makes me feel guilty.
"There's nothing much to get, Puck," I say his nickname as though it's poison to him. He winces. Another guilt jab at my stomach. "I ended things because it's not what I want."
"We were barely together!" He hisses, "how can you decide what you want in a matter of days?"

I just stare at him. I can't come up with an excuse on the spot right now. "Should I have to explain myself? I thought you liked me, if you like me... then you should trust me." I watch him break slightly, right in front of my eyes.
"I trust you. But there's someone I don't trust." He scowls, I know who he's thinking about. Santana. But I'm not throwing her under the bus. No way. She's got too much to lose. I can't do that to her.

"Noah," I revert my eyes and look everywhere else but at him. I can't cry. Not in front of him again. "I'm sorry." I try my hardest to hide that voice crack, but I fail. Like I always do. I fail. I fail him, I fail myself. Everyone.
"What happened?"
"No, we're leaving this. I'm not doing whatever this is right now." I shake my head, frowning as I bring my eyes back to his face. His anger filled face.

Anger that I caused. Hurt that I caused.
***
I didn't post a specific chapter dedicated to Naya because.... well idk. I just don't know how to feel about it tbh. I hope she's in a better place.

I also think I'm happy with this chapter... almost proud? Idk I just think my writing has improved over the months I didn't bloody write for. Thanks for still reading though. It's appreciated.