Why Can't I Change

(It will almost always be Taylor's POV because it's her life)

Today is the first day back from summer break but this time I'm in highschool...it's the same school I went to last year but it's in the upstairs area. I go to a Christian school called 'Christian Valley' and I've always been here, it's of course a private school and everyone here knows each other and almost everyone here is super religious.

"Taylor" My friend Eli called out for me "Yes Eli?" I asked, Eli is sweet but sometimes the sweetness is annoying and I just want to smack her. "What are you doing for church?" She asked "I'll probably just do the music again" I told her, not really caring about what she's taking about "Like always!! I love when you play it's so beautiful" Eli tells me "Thanks" I smile walking into our next class "Where is Autumn?" Eli asked "I don't know" I told her.
Autumn is my best friend and has been since we were in pre-school. She's not like everyone else, she's rebellious and fun and doesn't believe all this Christianity stuff. "Taylor where is Autumn?" The teacher asked me "I don't know" I hate when everyone asks me something about other people like I should know all their business "Let's get started" the teacher told everyone and started teaching.
Half way through this class I think looking at the clock on the wall when the one and only bust through the door "Why are you late?" The teacher asked "My sister's car was having some trouble" Autumn told the teacher "That's no excuse" the teacher says "Then why ask" She says sitting beside me "Did your sister's car actually have problems?" I asked knowing that she doesn't like this class "Yes! My parents tried to pray for it in the driveway like that was going to do something" she laughs.

Finally it's lunch time, I'm sooo hungry. I sit down with my normal table some people would call it the 'cool table' or 'Popular table' but I think of it as just my friends. In my school the 'Popular' people are the most religious so I don't know how Autumn and I got here "So what's for lunch?" Abby asks opening her lunch box that has a cross on it "Aww my mom put a scripture in here" she says showing everyone at the table, Autumn just rolled her eyes and got back on her phone "Can I do the prayer today?" Eli asks "Sure" Abby says since she normally does the prayer, they pray but Autumn hides her phone under the table so it looks like she's praying "Amen" they all said together "I have to use the bathroom" Autumn says "Come on" she pulls me up with her "But I don't want to go" I complain "Shut up" she tells me dragging me out the cafeteria and into the bathroom "I couldn't take it anymore " Autumn says sits down on the bathroom counter "I could tell" I laughed "So what happened to your sister's car?" I ask "Apparently the devil took it over or something like that" she jokes "It's that actually what your parents said?" I asks "My mom did, my dad said something about...something" she said shrugging her shoulders "How are you?" She asks. I don't know, I don't feel like my self and I don't know what my self is yet and I don't even know if I believe all the Christianity stuff, am I going to hell? Am I going to heaven? Is it even real? "I'm fine" I smile.

I would be like 'finally it's time to go home' if I was a regular person but I don't like going home and I don't like school, there is no where for me to be happy.

"How was school?" My mom asked my siblings and I "It was great!!" My little brother said happily sitting on the counter starting his schoolwork "Mine was great too" my little sister said joining him "I learned about how God helps and loves all his people" she told them smiling her childish smile. I almost never answer answer their 'how was school' question because I know my little sister will continue on about her day. I just sit in my room all day and text Autumn.
I was bored and just let my music play and a new song called 'Expectations' by Lauren Jauregui came up and I actually loved the song so much, so I added to my playlist but I had to keep the volume down because of the cussing. I looked up the artist and she's extremely beautiful, I watched edits and looked at pictures that people made of her
And some other woman named Camila. I guess since people are making edits that the two are best friends or dating.
"Dinner is ready" I heard mom call from downstairs, I let my siblings go before me since they always run down the stairs together, I sat down and my brother grabbed my hand "I say prayer today" he demands making everyone hold hands. Him and my sister always argue about who's going to say prayer. They never ask if I want to do it, I don't but still. Leon; my little brother and Ari; my little sister started getting ready for bed so that means I have a hour before my parents make me go to bed. I FaceTime Autumn and my parents walk in "Who's that?" My mom asks "Autumn" I tell her "Oh okay" my father says going downstairs with my mother probably about to have a talk like always "Do you have another best friend you FaceTime?!" She asks offended "Yea I do" I joked around "Fine!" She said before hanging up, I waited a few seconds and she texted me 'goodnight love you' I texted her back and crawled into the sheets of my bed "Taylor" my mom says coming into my room "Why are you friends with such deviant people?" They ask "Deviant?! Autumn has been my best friend since pre-school mom" I tell her upset that she would even speak about her like that "I'll pray for her...night" my mom said walking out the room. I roll my eyes; how could she ever talk about Autumn like that!! Autumn is the only person that makes me feel like I can be myself, not all of myself but mostly. My siblings run into my room and jump onto the bed "Goodnight Tae" They said together "We planned that!!" Ari smiled "I can see that" I said, they hugged me "Goodnight" I said hugging them back "We love you" they say "I love you both too" I said putting them back to bed. I love my siblings a lot and they love each other a lot, people think they're twins but they are just really close in age, so close that they are in the same grade. I fall into a deep sleep.

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