Why Can't I Change

Part Eleven

They are both packed and are waiting for Rona downstairs, we are sitting on the couch watching sponge bob while we wait. I'm sitting close beside Candace but my head is on Autumn's shoulder.
"Your Mom is here" my grandmother said "That's not her mom, that's Rona" I tell them getting up and everyone follows me to the door and we walk out. "I'll see you tomorrow" Candace smiles softly "Maybe" I joke "That's not funny" she says hitting me "If you don't call her then call me" Autumn says seriously "I'm not calling anyone" I say "Taylor!!" Autumn yells in frustration "I'll be fine!!" I yell back "Hey you two calm your voices" Rona says pulling us apart "You better call me" Autumn says getting in the car "And me" Candace adds, their both in the car and I wave as they leave the driveway "I'm not bothering y'all" I say to my self and go back into my house.
I'm about to go back upstairs when my mom stops me and tells me to sit down beside my brother and sister, I do as I'm told and they look up at me "Its going to be alright" I whisper and they nod.

My mom and grandma sit down on the other couch "Care to explain why you guys were pilled up laying on top of each other last night" my mother said "We just fell asleep" I told her which I true "With Autumn laying on top of you with your arms above your head" my grandma says "She's my best friend who cares how we sleep together" I say "Tae was being mean and Autumn pinned her down so she wouldn't move" Ari said trying to help "Ari and Leon saw that behaviour. What if they start acting out like that" my mom says "Acting out how?" I say now frustrated "Like what you and Autumn do" my mom says "How about you say what you want to say" Leon says coming to my defence "We don't want that....that gay behaviour rubbing off on them or you. Autumn can do what she likes but not in my household" my mother said "Gay behaviour" I laugh "Gayness isn't contagious, Autumn isn't even gay!!!" I say loudly "Check your tone" my grandmother said "You want me to stop talking because I'm defending what's right. Autumn isn't into girls and you can't just touch someone and wow their gay now" I say "If that was the case everyone here would be gay" I yell and it's quiet "She got into your head. Fight the demon. It's a phase" my mother says "It's sounds more like you're trying to convince your self more then me" I tell her "It's a phase, you will put grow it" my grandmother says "I wish it was a phase" I start crying "But it's not!!! I tried my whole life to stop feeling this way towards girls and you guys didn't make it any better with saying gays are going to hell. I wanted to die when I was seven because of you. I've been so close to dying so many times because I didn't want to live with you guys hating me. I wanted y'all to be comfortable in your house by me not being me, so if that's selfish then I guess I'm the most selfish person in the world" I tell them getting up "If you don't want this "deviance" in your house then I'll leave" I say. I've been getting myself ready for them to kick me out for years, since I was a little kid. I would sit in my room and cry because I knew one day this day would come and I wouldn't have a family and they wouldn't look at me the same. "No stop!!" Ari says "She's my sister. Who cares who she likes, why does that change how we look at her. 1 day ago you all loved her and she liked girls then and now that you know she likes girls she's a different person!!! She's the same Taylor she's always been" Ari tells them "If she leaves we leave" Leon says and I stop them "If I leave...you two stay" I tell them "What? Why" they ask "If it's safe for you two to stay here then you're staying" I say strictly and they nod "Come on" I say going up the stairs. I can't believe I just did that, should I pack or wait for them to kick me out? Should I tell Autumn and Candace I came out? I still haven't exactly said the words "I'm gay" yet but they got the point. I grab a backpack and start packing clothes and things I'll need just in case "Tae" my sister said crying "Hey it's okay" I say giving her a hug "I don't want you to go" she says "I don't know if I'm leaving yet" I say and Leon coming in my room and joins the hug "What ever happens I love you both so much and I'm so happy that you two still love me and defended me" I say giving their heads a kiss.
I have everything packed and I'm just waiting, I honestly think I'll be better off just running away. I got a thousand texts from Autumn and I decided to read them. She is freaking out, my parents called her parents and told them that she converted me into being gay, Autumn is trying to explain that she's not into girls but no one is listening to her. I ask her what they are going to do and she says she doesn't know yet. I start to get very angry because that could of been dangerous, is Autumn was into girls her parents could of sent her away or hurt her. Their being reckless. "Why did you call Autumn's mom" I say going down the steps "She doesn't even like girls" I add "Then who converted you" they ask "I've always been gay!!!" I tell them "No. I did not give birth to a- a faggot" my mother said "Well then who birthed me because I would rather be with them right now" I say. My mom grabs a belt and I start backing away. I'm 15 and she's just going to hit the gay out of me. Not going to happen. She swings and I use my hands and arms to stop it from hitting my body "I'm leaving" I yell running up the stairs, I grab my packed backpack, my phone charger, skateboard and my phone. Ari and Leon were standing at their doors crying "It'll get better" I tell them and run out the door, it's around 2 pm so it's not dark yet but it's hot outside.

I text Rainy so just in case anything happens she knows what happened. I put my phone in my pocket and start riding my skateboard down my street to the main road. I have no clue where I'm going to go. I don't want Autumn or Candace to worry about me. I feel my phone going crazy so I stop and look at it. Shit, Autumn must've told my siblings to text her if something happened and they did and now she's freaking out and telling me to go to her house which is also a bad idea because it's just like my house. I ride down the street some more and I see a familiar car "Get in" Candace says rolling down her window, I start skateboarding away "Taylor get in the fucking car!!!" Candace yells and I do as I'm asked, She crawls in the back with me and hugs me tight "I told you not to worry about me" I said "We aren't just going to let you live on the street" Candace tells me "We have enough rooms for you to stay with us and if you want you can just stay in Candace's room with her" Rona tells me giving me a sad smile.

We get to her house. Everything in my life is going to change from here.

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