[p o e t r y]

A friend
Said to me today,
"I've gotta ask,
How do you do all
That you do
In a given week?"
And then he told me,
It's, "a lot to
Keep it all together."

And I've been sitting here
For half and hour now
And I still
Don't know how to answer

I've asked myself that question
And at many times
I feel as though
I am holding it all
Together by a thread

Heck, I've even been asked
That question before.
I've had friends ask me,
"How do you do it all?"
But before
I've always been able to
Answer with a quick quip
"Jesus and coffee"
"Oh I just don't sleep"
"Man, I could not tell you."

But now the question
Has stopped me
I have stopped
I haven't spoken yet
I feel...
Still and quiet
Like the indoors
And sweaters
During fall or winter
Almost cozy
Yet perplexed

I don't know why
This question
This time
From this person
Has stopped me

Yet here I am
Still
Quiet
And at a loss for words

I truly
Genuinely
Do not know
How I do it
Or how I keep it together

To be honest,
I don't feel like I do
Keep it together,
Certainly not every week,
Yet when I stop and think,
I haven't broken yet
I'm still here
I haven't quit
My 7 classes
My 5 jobs
My 2 volunteer works
My midnight adventures
My world has not slowed
I have not stopped,
I have not quit,
And I have not quite lost myself

Yet I don't know
How or why
I have yet to lose myself
In the hectic busyness
I call life

Perhaps it is because
The Lord has just blessed me,
Over and over?
I've done nothing to deserve
This endurance
I fail time and time again
To keep up with my Bible study
I fail to pray
I fail in obedience
Yet maybe the Lord has decided
To bless me with endurance
Regardless
Of my actions?

Perhaps it is because
I love everything I do?
Yet even then,
There should be a breaking point.
Even in doing everything I love
The lack of sleep
And constant onslaught of activities
And assignments
Should break me
From time to time

Perhaps it is because
I just love people?
As long as I can see people
I can be happy
I can go on

Perhaps it is because
From 14 to 16
I was forced to
Go on
To lose sleep
And to balance lives
In such a precarious manner
That it was do or die
For years?
Maybe in those formative years
I trained myself to
Work hard
Sleep less
Stay on task,
Even with many tasks
Going on,
And still talk and "socialize"
14 hours a day
Without breaking.
Maybe I trained myself
To be hopeful
Even in the worst of times
Because if I lost hope
I had nothing left.

Truly,
I do not know
I wish I knew how I did it all
And I wish I knew how to respond
But really truly
I do not know
How I go on
How I continue
And how I never break

The closest I have to an answer
Is that perhaps
It is the incomprehensible grace
And blessing of
My gracious and loving
God

(09/07/21)