We both got busy during the second semester of our third year in college. Mas maraming requirements na pinapasa, mas naging hectic pa lalo sa debate club, it almost got me to a point of quitting.
Pero sabi ni Rylie subukan ko pa ulit. Stay, kasi sa law school magagamit ko daw 'yon. I stayed only because he told me to, but deep within me, I quit.
The next days, I ponder on that. Kung sa debate club lang ayoko na, ano pa kapag nasa law school na? The passion to pursue that field got drowned, somewhere, and weirdly I don't know if I really like that from the beginning.
I almost believed that it only registered to my brain because of my siblings. And realizing that, got me lost.
If that's not for me, ano na gagawin ko? My parents expect us to pursue higher studies, ano naman kukunin ko pa?
And it didn't help that Rylie was so excited about us pursuing law school together. I tried hard to like that idea, that dream, because that's the plan my boyfriend is looking forward to.
He waited for that patiently, and I don't have the courage to hurt his heart. But should I pursue things just because I was told, or because of someone?
"Hmm, okay na dito? SCU na lang din tayo," sabi niya. "Less requirements na, mag take lang tayong PhilSat."
"Huy," tapik niya sa braso ko. Halata atang hindi ako nakikinig, my mind was elsewhere.
"Ha?"
"Sabi ko, SCU na lang din tayo," ulit niya. "Pumayag na din si Trina, last year na natin next year, mag boards lang kami sandali, hmm, hintayin mo na lang kami. O bahala na, sabi ko kay Trin diretso na sana tayo, 'wag na gap year."
Ngumiti ako. "Bahala ka."
"Si Xandro, mukhang lilipat talaga ang kumag," bigla niyang sinabi. "Sabi ko nga mag law na lang, tss, iiwan niya pa sa akin si Trina na sakit sa ulo..."
"Hmm, si Troy, mag med daw sabi ni Trin ah," winala ko ang usapan.
"Pake ko?"
"Sama mo," ngumuso ako. "Hmm, madali lang kaya? I mean, nakikita ko si Ate Yna, she always looks tired and very puyat."
"Well, they're going to be saving lives in the future, they should be really serious," he uttered calmly. "Tayo rin naman, legally, we're going to save a life, o lives. It's the same, just different means and context."
"Yeah," I agreed without really dissecting his words. Nakikinig lang ako. Because I should be. Most decisions I do now is based from his words, his perspectives, he may not say it to me directly, o verbally, madalas sa kanya naka-base ang desisyon ko.
I got so dependent on him, without me realizing it sooner. Daily, he imprinted to my mind, our future together.
"Sa SCU mag med si Troy, Trin?" bigla kong natanong. Nanuod kami ngayon ng practice, free cut din kasi ako. Kahit sa department nila.
"Sabi niya."
"Hmm, okay lang sa iyo? I mean, ikaw diba law school, siya med, kaya niyo?"
Tinignan niya ako. "Kaya naman siguro, I mean, same school naman. Sa time lang mag iiba, gabi ang pasok natin n'yan. Why'd you ask anyway?"
"Wala lang, akala ko sa ibang school siya e, si Xandro daw hindi SCU," pagdadahilan ko.
