Karma x Reader || Appearances

DISCLAIMER: Hanami isn't excused for all the toxicity she brought into the family. She is still responsible for her abusive behaviour towards Reader, Akiro, and even Rui (same thing can be said about him though). 

Also, take into account that this is a very biased POV.

I used to believe a sacrifice was the act of giving up something that was valuable to you, in order to help someone else.

At sixteen, I made the biggest sacrifice of my life, and gave up my future.

Since then, I've done nothing but give myself up for my family.

I abandoned my dreams, fulfilled my duty, and surrendered my whole self to the expectations placed upon my shoulders. And I did it all because I believed that it would give me a little bit more time with a person I used to cherish. A person who used to mean my whole world. So, I convinced myself over and over that it would all be worth the effort.

But I was wrong.

Growing up I made many mistakes. I believed we lived in a world similar to the ones you would read in fairy tales. A world where love was the strongest weapon of all. A world where the same values and lessons applied, and the little ones would triumph over the big ones.

At first it really did seem like it was true. I would work hard, and my efforts would get acknowledged.

I got a scholarship at a prestigious high school, saved my father from being bound to a hospital with no freedom, and ranked first of my grade in my second year.

I even found love and understanding in someone I once never thought was possible.

It was hard when we first met. Our personalities, our views, our beliefs, they were all very different. In a way, we were complete opposites, so we clashed a lot. But as time went on, and I got to discover more sides of him, I found myself enjoying our conversations, and even looked forward to the days where I could see him again.

Back then I was naive and hopeful.

I had believed true love existed. That it was just like in those fairy tales, and I had finally found the one.

But he abandoned me. He turned his back on me, and left me to my own fate.

Back then I had believed I could amount to anything as long as I worked hard and put in the effort.

But connections... power... appearances... They all form part of the game you're forced to play.

Looking back, I can clearly see that my biggest mistake was believing that as long as I loved something, as long as I worked hard and was passionate about it, I could achieve anything I set my mind to.

But the world doesn't function in that way.

When I came to this realization, my interpretation of the word changed its meaning. Nowadays, the word 'sacrifice' means putting aside your personal feelings – your own wants and desires – so you can amount to greatness.

As your mother, I've wanted nothing more but for you to understand this.

The world is unfair. The strong will always stay strong, and the weak will always be pushed around. The only way to climb the ranks is by playing your cards right.

So, I signed you up to all those classes, convinced you to audition for all those roles, encouraged you to get good grades- I gave you all the opportunities I never had, all the opportunities that were stripped away from me... But I can now see you never came to truly appreciate them.

Perhaps this is partly my fault as I realized until too late that I was raising you to have that same naive mentality that had gotten me pushed around so much when I was young. The night I came to that horrible realization, I vowed to myself that I would do everything in my power to correct my mistake.

So I did what my mother failed at. I gave you the opportunity to come on top, without having to sacrifice your entire self.

And I did what I wished my father had done. I warned you about the dangers of Iove, and did everything I could so you would never get hurt the same way I was. So you wouldn't make the same mistakes I did.

And yet-... After everything I went through, after all those sacrifices I made-... I somehow still lost.

Kaori...

I promised him that I would always be there for him. That I wouldn't abandon him like his mother, or neglect him like his father. I told Kaori that I would fight for his dream because no one fought for mine. So I opened our home for him when he needed a place to feel safe, and supported his career every step of the way.

Now, I don't even know where he is...

And you, (Y/N)...

I cared for you and gave you all my love. I stood by your side, supported you, and defended you every time I could. And when that didn't work out, I did whatever it took to secure your future.

I ensured that you would always have everything one could ever ask for. I corrected the mistakes my parents made so you wouldn't have to go through what I did, so you wouldn't remember me as the mother who did nothing but simply watch you get stepped all over.

Yet you still left.

I can now see that, no matter what approach I took, it was never going to be enough.

That day you made a mistake playing the piano, it wouldn't have mattered whether I kissed your cheek and reassured you everything was going to be alright, or simply told you to work harder and listen to your father, because you would've ended up resenting me either way.

This whole time, all I ever wanted was to give both you and Kaori what my own father couldn't give me. A happy ending.

But I've now realized I was far too naive, too idealistic. Just like him...

I can now only wish that the circumstances would've been different.

And I just wish I could've seen Akiro for the person he's become.

A/N: Okay, okay, that was a lot to take in.

So yeah, I wanted to make a little disclaimer cause Hanami's toxic af and usually, when these types of characters say things like these, it's often because it's the start of their redemption. But in my story, this letter isn't her ticket. Whether she gets one or not depends on her and no amount of pity can make up for what she did. 

It isn't meant to make you feel sorry for her, but rather to help you understand what's been going through her mind after her children left. (Though you can feel sorry for her if you want, I kinda feel sad for her too. More so because of the person she's become as she is practically unrecognizable from her younger version) .It saddens me that she chose this path. Especially because of what she and Rui could've been, had they communicated better and been more understanding of each other...

A/N 2: A question suddenly popped into my head.

What do you think would a conversation between Young Hanami and Rui with their adult versions be like??

And also, how do you think Young Hanami and Young Rui would react to what their adult selves have done? Both to each other, and their children 👀

Cause like, Young Hanami daydreamed about her future with Rui in "Beautiful Appearances" and it's so, SO different to what it is like in current time.

So I wonder what a Young Hanami would think about it.