And so on. ( Sequal to That Night [studxstud] )

Some hours later..

Nell was up but just tired. I kept having to force feed her water cause she ain't want it.

I kept thinking if I should tell her that I told Lia to back up but I wasn't sure if now was the time.

We had moved to the couch cause she said it was too hot in the room. She was laying between my legs. She wasn't saying much, she was focused on the movie she put on.

There was something that was making me emotional. I do love Nell, I've loved her for a while. Things were hella ridiculous in the beginning but somehow here we are. I don't think I've been around her with her being  so quiet, so maybe that's it.

I'd talk to her but I kinda just want her to relax. I'm realizing I ain't had a moment to just think. Think about what the fuck i'm really doing , how i really feel, and what I need to do.

I'm starting to think, maybe the reason it was difficult for us to get here was because I was scared. Not that it's fair to her or excuses anything. Everything was for fun those few years ago, then we stopped talking, and now we're here. And I can't ruin that.

I love this girl. And I don't want her to leave and I don't want to run her off. I'm over the bullshit and I'm over the games. Words can't say enough anymore, I need to show her.

"I'm sorry for everything I did in the past. And I'm sorry that it took so long to get back to you. In sorry that"- Nell had sat up and faced me.

"You look like you're about to cry", when she said that I started to feel I actually was gonna cry. "There's nothing to apologize for Emina. It's okay. It's in the past. It's nothing we can really change. I promise it's okay." she said that but no it wasn't okay. None of it was okay.

"You didn't deserve any of it though. I guess I was scared and acted out instead of just pulling myself together. I chose the worst possible way to face things and then even after that, I turned to alcohol and bout ended my shit because I was scared to be without you. Got myself in unwanted situations because I couldn't face the fact I couldn't  do this life shit, without you." I didn't even realize Nell was wiping tears off my face. I really hate this crying shit but it's okay cause it's her.

"It's not like I was the complete best version of me either. I'm sorry, and I feel like I owe you a deep apology. There were a few things where I could've handled shit better but I escalated the situation instead. And that helps nothing. And then I ended up hurting another person I care deeply about because I couldn't be true to myself and tried to live in denial about my feelings. But she saw through it and in a way she pushed me back to you. If anyone could've done better, it was me. I'm sorry. And I love you"

The TV playing in the background sounded like gibberish since I wasn't really processing jack shit it was saying. I was feeling such an over load of emotions, and I hated it. It was really irritating me. I was really trying not to cry for real, but next thing I knew it was pouring out of me. hate this shit.

"I don't mean to break down, it's just i'm realizing so much shit right now. Shit feels like a brain overload. You're annoying, you the reason i'm crying like this"

Nell laughed. But I really don't think she understands.

"You know I more than love you. I'm in love with you. And I want everything with you. We can do that? Can we have everything together?" That's all I want. I took a deep breath.

She laid back between my legs before she answered what I said. "I'm glad to see this crybaby side of you. We can have more than everything. I love you. Long as you say jump, I'll ask how high cause I wanna make you happy" she looked up at me. She has pretty eyes.

"I talked to Lia earlier. I told her it was done. I just wanna focus on you. Her response made me nervous though. Talking about some she's giving me a day before she flip out n shit" I wiped my face.

"Let her. If she does something stupid, than oh well fuck it" Nell got comfortable and looked like she was about to start dozing off again. "Before you fall asleep, how you feeling? you good?" I placed my hands on her face and softly tilted her head to look at me. 

"I'm okay I'm just tired" she gazed at me. She was blinking slow too. "Goodnight then" I fixed the blanket we were using to properly cover her.

Nell.
Her dream...

Me and Emina were in a giant green house. The ceiling was extremely high, there were vines on it. We were walking around looking at the flowers. All of a sudden Emina swirled to Kay. Kay whispered something. "Ask her" and then disappeared and there was Emina. "Where'd you go" is what I asked her but then out of nowhere we were on a beach. Emina was wearing a dark green suit. Again she switched back to Kay, she whispered the same thing. I had said "Ask what" without saying, and without saying it, Kay responded. Emina was in place of Kay again. I asked her if she loved me and she said yes. And then I gave her something but I couldn't see what it was. Then I was in a book store but it wasn't a regular one. Some of the books were tainted. I'm not sure what they were tainted with but I just knew they were. The one book I picked up went through an extremely quick flash of life. It was what life of me and Emina could look like. Before I woke up Emina told me something in my dream. "It's always been us. In every reality."