video message || minizerk || completed

'Hi, Josh.

Today was probably the closest I've come to ditching this whole leaving thing.

We went on a date, and it was lovely.'

Josh held my hand in the car park, and then he kissed me in the restaurant.

We went ice skating after, in the ice rink in central London. Josh said it was his favourite part of winter- even though he was shit at it. It gave me an excuse to hold his hand.

The cold from the ice and the winter air chilled through to our bones, but we were so happy. In attempt to warm up, he took me to get hot chocolate- telling me how 'it's just like a movie!'.

When I complained about my hot chocolate being too hot, he picked it up, and blew it. I swear he whispered 'I love you.' into the steam- but I might've just been daydreaming.

I seem to dream about him a lot.

When we got home, he danced me round the kitchen quickly, telling me all these random things about himself. I took everything in. I promise, to myself, that I will remember everything about him- even if that only makes it hurt more when I run away.

'Why am I so set on leaving?' I asked the camera, focusing back on the task at hand now the daydream was over.

'Why can't I just take advantage of what we have, of what we can have?'

'This has become more of a diary than a goodbye note.'

'Am I even trying to say goodbye anymore?

~~