Disproving Calculations - Part 1

(Sunday, week 8, the world is terrible)

The last days, there happened nothing. Somehow Zack and I asked to meet in turns before, now it was his turn. I asked for the hospital-date. Not for having a date in hospital, but you know what I mean.

Last Friday, Hodgins and Angela came to the bar, without Zack. I asked them about him, Hodgins told me they had no idea, Zack would have refused to talk to them, saying their help 'doesn't make any sense to him'. Now it's Sunday and I spent the weekend laying on my couch, staring on my TV, not watching, but thinking about my life and stuff. And Zack. Then someone knocks at my door.

"Come in." I yell.

I always leave the unlocked, Matt comes to check on me from time to time these days, and this way, I don't have to stand up, to show him I'm still alive.

But who comes in, is not Matt. It's Zack.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to visit you. I thought your shift would be over soon and we could have a drink, but Matt send me here. Said you were ill. But I need to talk to you."

"Okay. So, what do you want to talk about? What makes you come here without telling me before?"

"Are you angry with me?" Am I? Maybe I was, for a second. Now, I just want to know, what he wants to talk about. And touch his hair... But I want to do that all the time, since I first saw him, so that doesn't count.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm not angry, I just don't feel good, that always makes me a bitch."
And I'm depressed, so I absolutely don't care about my use of words.

"I don't think you have anything in common with a prostitute. I don't know any, but..."

"Yeah, thanks Zack." I laugh and suddenly, I feel much better. Really, thanks, Zack. "So, what is it you wanted to talk about?"

After he smiled at me, while I laughed, he now has the most serious expression on his face, I ever saw.

"I wanted to ask you, why you kissed me on the cheek, ever since we met the first time and why you, how Angela said, 'really kissed me' in the hospital."

"But I told you that, didn't I?"

"You said you liked me, the way that makes you want to do that."

"Right, that's why I did it. And because I hoped you would like me the same way."

He just stares at me. He looks so concentrated, it scares me.

"Shouldn't I have done that?"

No answer. Just staring.

"Are you thinking?"

"Yes."

I wonder how awkward this situation actually is. Only a little or very awkward?

"How long do you think will that take?"

At least, I know I can ask these questions, because it doesn't matter how much he thinks about something, there is always room for such calculations. And I thought I would 'clear things up'.

"I don't know, maybe three minutes?"
He's not even sure? According to Hodgins, that's unusual.

"You want to drink something?"

No answer, so I get two glasses and a bottle of everything I have, what would be coke, seven up, water and cherry-banana juice.

"Don't you just want to tell me what you're thinking about?"