Disproving Calculations - Part 1

Weeks went by and we kept on learning more about each other. We stayed with the weekend thing. From time to time, Zack would come to my place after work, or Angela, Hodgins and sometimes Dr. Brennan came to the bar, with him.

Zack really seemed to be able to learn everything, but I got used to it and stopped being surprised by everything. Only about a few things from time to time. So, finally there came the time, when his dissertation was finished and he only had to defend it against some kind of jury. It was the same time like spring break and Matt decided to close the bar for having a two-week vacation, so I wasn't that busy. Actually, it was boring. I persuaded Zack to let me stay with him the night before he had that 'defending thing', because I wasn't sure if he was going to be okay, even if he didn't seem to be nervous at all. Maybe I was.

"What are you doing Zack? It's 5 am, why the hell are you awake?"
He sits on the bed, reading something on my phone.
"You remember this website you showed me? You can read about how you defend your dissertation best there, too."
Sure, you can. You can read everything in the internet.
"Yes and why do you think you would need that? You said, you're not nervous, I needed half an hour to persuade you to let me stay with you. Because you said, you're not nervous."
"I thought you might distract me. I let you stay, because I thought, maybe you would feel better with it." Yeah, thank you, for 'letting me stay'.
"But why do you read that? You're a genius, I'm sure defending your dissertation will be easy for you."
"I like to be prepared."
"Of course, I know."

I sigh and look at him. He's beautiful. There he sits, with his bed-hair, being totally concentrated. God, this guy.

"You're staring at me again."
"Right... sorry."
I turn around and try to fall back asleep. He can't concentrate when I watch him.
Like five minutes later, he shoves his head into my view, I feel it, so I open my eyes again.
"I didn't want to hurt your feelings. I just wanted to make sure I know everything I need to know..."
"And you can't concentrate, when I look at you, I know."
I smile at him, for one part, because it's sweet how he always thinks about he may had hurt my feelings, for the other, to let him know he didn't hurt me and that I understand.

"So, you know everything now?" I turned again, so I lay on my back, so he doesn't have to bend over me.
"I think so. There wasn't much I didn't know."
"So, why did you read it now and not the last ten minutes before we would go?"
"I woke up, after I had a dream about doing it. So, I thought it might be best, to do it now."
Sure, who wouldn't?
"Sorry I woke you up." He adds.
"That's okay, I think." It totally is. "You're still not nervous?"
"No."
"But something is wrong, right?"
"I know, that I will get my doctorate, but... "
"Buuut?"
"I still won't be as good as Dr. Brennan. There are so many things I still need her help with..."
"Oh, come one Zack."
That sounded more pissed, than I wanted it to. He looks at me with his 'please don't be angry'-face. So I grab for his hand and add: "How long are you doing this job now and how long does she? And like you said, you're still 'the most valuable and accomplished grad student who's has ever been installed at the Jeffersonian,' right?"
He shows a thankful smile and there's silence again. From time to time, that happens. Like when we walked from the bar to the lab, the first time we met. It's still totally okay.

"Now you're staring at me." I state.
He does. Nothing new, actually.
He just smiles down at me. It's a special smile, way different to the thankful one. He loves to do that, he loves that I know what it means and what effect it has on me. That he doesn't need to say something. He thought about something and by now, he knows you don't ask for that. He lays down next to me, turning my head to him, so he could kiss me. Now, I'm totally attentive.

"After this, you're really my Dr. Zack Addy."
I smile up at him, while buttoning his shirt again. He likes it. He had to work two other days, while I was at his place and after he did it wrong the third time, I asked him if he does it on purpose. He tried to lie, but that's none of his strengths. I told him, I wouldn't believe a genius couldn't button up his shirt right and he confessed he liked it, when I do it. It 'made him feel I care about him'... I told him I care about him and he's important to me like a dozen times, but that seems to be one of the things he can't keep in his mind.

"Does that make any difference? You called me a Doctor anyway." Right...
"Yeah, no... I don't know. Maybe?"
"Sometimes, I have no idea what happens in there."
He taps against my temple when he says it, but making this 'I have no idea'-face. I like the combination of awkwardness and cuteness.
"Guess what, me neither." I laugh and he does, too. I'm actually really proud, that I can make him laugh. He looks always cute, but then, he's as beautiful as when he concentrates.
"We have to go. Hodgins is already waiting." I can tell, because he stands in front of the 'garage' yelling up to the window.

"What took you so long?"
Um, I'm sure he doesn't want to know. We don't answer and so he knows anyway. Five minutes later, Zack falls asleep. I watch him through the driving mirror.
"That's how I like him the most, too." Hodgins says.
"I know that's a lie. You never say it, but don't you think he's your best friend, actually? Next to Angela, of course. And you are his best friend."
"Yeah... you're probably right."

I'm wandering up and down the hallway, listening to music, while I wait for Zack, when someone touches my shoulder.
"Hey, you have a moment?" I know it's Booth before I take out my ear buds and turn around. His voice just cut through the music.
"That depends on for what I should have a moment."
"Uh, you really don't like me, right?" Actually, I don't know. So, I just don't answer.
"Okay, look, I'm sorry. I didn't expect you to feel offended, you know, the one time at the lab."
"Yeah, and that's the second thing you should apologize for." Now, he's surprised.
"Okay, so, sorry." Hey says and I just look at him, thinking.
"You want to say something?" He asks. And yes, I do. I nod and take a breath.
"I don't know what you think who you are, that you can make decisions about people you can hardly understand. I don't want to be disrespectful, as I know you're very successful at your job and I feel like you're actually a nice person. But you know, people who are used to be liked by everyone and come along with most people... They tend to downgrade the few ones they don't come along with like that. And they categorize them. And sometimes, they act like the unnormal person, wasn't there. Sometimes, they even think they're funny because of that."
I take another breath, he just looks at me with a poker face.
"I'd like to offer you something. Since we met a few times now, I guess it would make sense, if we'd come along with each other, too. The deal is, I forget what you said and why you said it. You in turn, stop saying things like that, not just with me around, but with Zack, too. And as a sign of good intentions, I could spend a little of my precious time with Zack, explaining him a little more about how your thinking works."
Now, I wait.
He raises his hand for me, so I reach for it and we shake hands over the deal, like Angela and I did, what felt like an eternity ago.
"Alright, kid. I'm really sorry, but maybe you understand why I didn't expect to hurt your feelings."
"You definitely shouldn't think you wouldn't hurt his feelings. Believe me, he knows to tell differences between tones in voices, even if he doesn't understand exactly what and why you say some things. And he has feelings..."
Booth analyzes me. "So, how is it then? Being with him?"
I smile about that question. "Probably not as strange as you think. He's cute, you just have to take care of your use of language. And if you wondered about that, I think we overcame his unsureness about sex...."
"Um, yes, thanks. So, he won't question me about sexual positions anymore?"
"Oh, no. He asks me now."
"Okay, and you think, I will come along with him better, when you talk to him? About me?"
"Yeah, you know, he needs... rules? I don't know, telling him what you're like will help him to... he would say 'adjust his behavior'."
"And what do you want to tell him?"
"That you're someone who trusts his gut feeling. That he shouldn't talk to you about things which are too private, because you don't like it. That it's okay, if he doesn't understand you, but he should think about what he needs to understand and what's less important, before he asks something. So, he won't make you feel uncomfortable. And how to tell you something, so that you understand but don't feel stupid..."
"How do you want to explain that to him? Especially the gut feeling part."
"You know, everyone has a gut feeling. He's just not used to listen to his own, because usually, he doesn't need to, because he just knows everything."
"And, how do you know that? That he has a gut feeling?"
I'm sure he doesn't want to know that in detail...
"Yeah, you know... Let's say, I helped him to find it." He understands.
"Aaaalright... Yes, so, I need to get Dr. Brennan to come with me."
"Sure." I try it with another smile, he gives one back and heads off to the room Dr. B and Zack are in.