Disproving Calculations - Part 1

Three days before Angela's and Hodgins wedding, Zack comes to the bar, alone.
He doesn't look like he had good news.
"Hey" I say, when he comes to the bar counter and gives me the usual kiss on the cheek.
"You're not as happy as usual when I come to visit you."
"Maybe, because you don't look happy either?"
He sits down.
"Coke?" I ask, he nods.
"So, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. There's nothing exactly wrong, but I need to talk to you." Unfortunately, that often means, something actually is wrong.
"So, what's it, what's not exactly wrong?"
"I thought we could talk in your apartment, when you're done with work."
"I'm sorry cutie, I promised Maria to take her shift, too. Her son is ill again, you know. And I took my free days for the wedding and two days after."
Oh, he doesn't like that. But then he looks at something behind me, or more someone.
"Just go, girl. Dad's coming around later, he can do the bar and I do the rest. I don't think there'll come much more people." I look around, besides Zack, there are only the same people like every day, one German immigrant who always comes and sits at the bar, talking to me or Matt, and two groups of people who work at the office on the other side of the street.
"And my days off at the weekend?"
"Just go." He shows his understanding smile.
"Thanks, Matt! I'm going to take an extra shift for that next month! Und grüß Opa von mir."
"Sure, you'll do." He laughs. I really always do that, he laughs about it because I always say and do it, although he always says, that I don't have to.
"Wait another second, Zacky." I say and head to the back room, doing the little paper work I have to do after ending a shift. When I come back, Zack looks even worse and drinks up his coke at a gulp. Oh boy, do I really want to know what's up?

I take him by the hand when we go up the stairs. Since the first time, he was only three other times at my place, he really feels better at his.
What did you say to him in German?"
"He should tell his father I said hi."
No answer.

When we're finally sitting on the couch, I just look at him, waiting. He pulls something out of his pocket, it seems to be a letter. I take it, open and read it.
Iraq. Zack. Soon.
"You will go, right?" This time it's me, looking him straight to the eyes.
"Yes."
There's no further expression in his face, it's the first time I wish there would be more to see. I nod. I understand.
"You understand?"
"Yes. You're probably the best forensic anthropologist, after Dr. Brennan, this country has. You're needed. Dr. Brennan can do what's needed to be done here, but they need someone really good, too... But are you sure you can handle that? It's war, Zack, even when you're not fighting like shooting people, it's... it's dangerous, it's still war."
Oh yeah, I can totally deal with this. As you can see from the tears floating my face.
"Right, it's something that needs to be done. And I'm asked for it, so I must do it. When you understand, why do you cry?"
"Because you will leave me. You will go away. And I won't know if you're safe. I won't know, if you're coming back. I won't know anything. That I understand, doesn't mean it wouldn't make me sad, to let you go."
"I won't leave you. Not like people say, breaking up, I wouldn't give this away. Being with someone, someone like you... who likes me, for what I am. That's what I always wanted, besides my job. But they need me more than you, don't you think?"
Oh, I wouldn't be sure about that. But I nod again.
"But you still go away."
"That's why you cry?"

I just nod, I stopped crying by now, but I think I would start again, if I tried to talk. This time, I lay my head on the backrest, just looking at him and playing with his hair, like he used to do.
"Look, I'm sorry, really. I didn't want to cause you pain."
"But you must do this, I know. It's okay, I understand."
"Maybe, I can't go. Matt said, if I hurt you, he would hurt me. It sounded much like really hurting me."
This somehow makes me smile, at least, a little.
"He meant, when you hurt me, like breaking up or cheating on me. When did he say that?"
"When you were in the backroom." He stares at his hands again. We just sit there in silence.
After what feels like hours he takes me into his arms, the first time ever he tries to comfort me. I'm still scared of what will come, but he's successful, in making me feel at least a little better.

I don't know, what he planned, but he stays over the night. We do what we always do, only with a big black cloud hanging about everything... And that's how it stays until he leaves the next Monday.
We were on the wedding, it was as wounderful as possible, even when it wasn't a real wedding, even with that big black cloud about it. But that's all not important. Not anymore.

We spend every minute we have together, from the 'wedding', till he has to go. The last thirty minutes, we spend hugging and kissing, me crying. From time to time, he mutters how sorry he is. I understand, that he needs to go, he understands, that I cry anyway. And then he's gone.