Little Zhang || Exo

My brain is rotting.
But my grades are all that matter.
I am drained emotionally.
I am drained physically. 
I am drained mentally.
But my grades are all that matter.
My brain is rotting, but all we care about is academic achievements.
Can't you see what you're doing to me?
Can't you see what you're doing to us?
I can't wait until these are over.
I'll finally be free.
But not really.
After GCSE is A-Level and all now the only reason why I've decided to do A level was because it's the law.
I can't wait for A- Levels to be over, then I'll be free.
But not really.
After that is University.
Is it even worth it? Is it even worth spending my entire working life paying the government back for me to die and have it mean absolutely nothing?
My brain is rotting.
I am suffering.
I just want everything to be over.
Everything.
I'm tired of being here now.
I'm tired of this sick, twisted world where my entire future is determined on how hard I worked as a teenager.
A teenager.
I'm only 15.
Other are only 16.
We're children.
But our whole life is determined on whether or not we can differentiate a Plant cell from an animal cell?
My youth robbed because of these exams that I've spent my whole school life preparing for.
Some nights I don't sleep. Some nights I skip meals. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep because I know I'm not getting anywhere in life. I give up my whole life for these exams.
And teachers can look me in the eye and tell I don't try hard enough?
Teachers can look me in the eye and tell me that it's my fault I fail?
All i do is try.
I am risking my happiness and sanity for these exams.
And all I get in return is a piece of paper with numbers on it?
My future.
Something as docile as paper, is my future.
Something that could break so easily, is my future.
Wow.
Is that fair?
My brain is rotting.
My eyes are burning.
My wrist is aching.
My nose starts bleeding.
My head is hurting.
My sanity is fading.
But all you care about are these stupid fucking grades.
Can't you see?
You're slowly killing me.
You'll be the reason for my demise.
But you'll tell everyone that I was troubled, that I was lazy and that I didn't care.
Does this sound like someone doesn't care?
I'm literally giving up everything I have for these fucking exams.
It's my birthday tomorrow and I've told everyone to act like it's a normal day because that's what it is.
It's just a normal day.
Because when I'm gone everyday will be a normal day.
I'll be gone soon. One day.
This 16 years have been tough and it will only get harder.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I don't want to be here anymore.
My family think I'm unwell.
I can't remember the last time I gave my friends a genuine smile.
Or the last time I had a full nights rest.
You robbed everything from me.
Oh god my heart aches for those who are younger than I.
I am losing my mind.
And it will only get harder from here on out.
God knows how you'll cope.
I'm suffering.
The boy with straight A's is suffering.
The girl who 'doesn't care' is suffering.
The troublemakers are suffering.
Everyone is suffering.
We're just children.
And you're killing us.
Why?

Eh I just needed to let a shit tonne of stuff off of my chest. You don't have to read this but if you're at this authors note then you already have. I'm sorry.
It's just a rant. I'll delete it later.
I'll post the next chapter later on or something.

Shinoa x