I Wouldn't be With You, Even if I Wanted to Be (Steve-O Love Story)

"Fuck" I groaned as the sun shone through the curtains. My head was pounding and I reeked of alcohol and cigarettes. When I looked around I noticed that I was in the room I was staying in at my uncle Jeff's. Wait, I thought i'd went home with some guy last night. I remember because it was by far the best sex I'd ever had!! Right on queue someone snored beside me. Ok so maybe I brought someone home with me instead. Turning to look at whoever was lying next to me I nearly shit my pants. Laying next to me was the person who every time I looked at them made me angry, Steve-O. Now when I looked at him I felt, oh what the word? Oh yah lust!! Wait a ding dang minute, did I just say I feel lust towards this total D-Bag?! Maybe we didn't sleep together, maybe last night I got super drunk and he carried me up here. Looking under the covers that prediction was shot in the head. Yep I was completely nude. Along with my drunken fuck buddy. Instead of feeling completely disgusted with myself, like I thought I would, I felt something much different. I couldn't really describe it, I just knew I liked it....a lot. To my dismay I couldn't find any clothing to cover up with that I could just lean over and grab. There was no way in hell I was going to take the chance of Steve-O seeing me in all my glory. Out of nowhere he slowly began to wake up. My eyes got wide and I acted like I was just waking up as well. Once I got done with my little act he was going to get an earful! There was no way in hell he was as drunk as I was! He rubbed his big, brown eyes with his hands and then looked over at me. Just like me his eyes got wide and his jaw dropped. "Yep that's the exact way I felt" I said raspily. "Eva-" he started in a husky voice, but I cut him off. "No don't say anything, we'll treat this like any other one night stand. We'll forget and never talk about this ever again" I stated calmly. He looked at me with sad eyes. He grabbed my arm. "I don't want to forget about it" he said urgently. I shook my head and stood up with a sheet covering my body. "You don't want me" I said quietly before walking out of the room and into the bathroom. He doesn't need some crazy bitch like me. I didn't need to push my problems upon him, he didn't need that kind of stress. Well maybe it wasn't the fact that I was concerned about him, maybe I was just scared. Every relationship I've ever been in had been hell. I didn't need that again. I either screw them up or my boyfriend's a complete dick head. There's no way I was going to get my heart broken once again. Anyways our relationship would be toxic. We already argue so much it just wouldn't work out. It'd be like a suicide mission. We'd be miserable all of the time we were together. Damn I know I'm just trying to convince myself that I don't have feelings for him even though I know I'm head over heels for him. This could make me so happy, but I'm so scared. Did I even want to be happy? I've never been truly happy. I'm used to drowning in my own self loathing and misery. I was used to being sad, I didn't want to face the unknown. I'm terrified of falling in love and them loving be back. I'm scared to fall and end up getting hurt in the end, isn't everyone?