Stupid Triangle

I broke up with Lisa. I told her that I kissed Lauren, and that I had feelings for both of them, if I kept dating her it wouldn't have been fair knowing I had feelings for her sister as well. I could never forget the looks of hurt in Lisa's eyes, it made my heart shatter, and feel like a total ass.

Love is a stupid thing honestly. This triangle is a stupid thing.

A weeks after I broke up with Lisa I started dating Lauren. It's not like Lauren was a second choice. I like her and I wanna know if there's something real between us. I basically don't go to the Cimorelli house anymore but I go to their rehearsals. When Lauren kisses me I see Lisa hurt, which killed me.

The Cimorelli sisters basically hate me especially Christina. They all hate me except Dani. I can see why they hate me I mean I dated Lisa then broke up with her then started dating Lauren. I'd hate me too if I was in their position.b

I've also been getting a lot of hate from the CimFam saying that I should just stay away from the girls, to die, to just stop, and stuff like that.

"Okay guys to this video is a bit more serious then my others" I started off looking into my camcorder. "This video is just gonna point out that if you don't know what's going on behind a camera then you don't really know what's going on. Basically I've been having a lot of trouble with something that it's best of I just don't say it because I know it's gonna start things. What's happening I'm confused about stuff right now and I'm basically getting hate for it. You don't know what's going on in my personal life all you know is that I'm dating someone and the stuff I lost on my social media. I just wanna tell you guys that I love you I really do I wouldn't be where I am with out you guys but just recently you guys have been worrying a bit too much about me because I haven't been happy. Just thank you guys for caring but I don't want it. Just when people worry about me it just gives me anxiety, and I'm afraid to open up to people. The only person I open up to is Ryan who you've seen in past videos. I gotta get my feelings about something sorted out and to do that I have to take some time with myself, so I'm just gonna be taking a break from YouTube for a while. It's not gonna be forever I promise, I will still be on twitter and all that stuff I'm just not gonna be making videos for a while. I don't know how long this break is gonna be I like it could be for a week, a month, I don't know. I just need the time to know what I want, and know who I am because lately I feel like I've been losing myself. So this is gonna be my last video for a while, I promise when I get everything sorted out I will be back continuing my videos. So I love you guys so much, I hope you understand. I love you and thank you for the support" I kissed my hand and covered the camera lens wit it.

I let out a sigh, rubbing my eyes with my hands.

•••

Ryan and I were hanging out by my pool in the backyard.

"So what's up with the video you posted earlier I got worries?"

"It's just everything what happened with Lisa and Lauren I don't know what I want. I've been so confused"

"Are you dating one of them right now?" He asked running his fingers through his blonde hair.

"Lauren for about two weeks"

"Who do you love more?"

"That's the thing Ry I don't know. My heart says it wants Lisa but my head says it wants Lauren"

"How do you make you feel?"

"Dude who are you doctor phill"

"Rike just answer the question"

I groaned. "Lisa she makes me nervous. When she walks into the room it makes my heart flutter and stomach churn. When she kisses me I feel like I'm in another world, her lips are something I've always craved. The first time I kissed her I was instantly addicted, it was like a drug. I always wanna so whatever I can do keep kissing her, I just never wanna stop. Lauren she gives me this feeling like I'm on fire. When she kissed me it's like...I can't even explain it honestly. I mean it's a different feeling from Lisa completely different it's like a more sexual kind of thing"

"From the sounds of it you love Lisa but you lust Lauren" he pointed out.

"You're probably right and if I tried anything with Lauren isn't it like illegal she's almost 16 and I'll be 19 in a few months. I just honestly don't know what I want"

"Well whatever you choose I want you to be happy"

"Thanks Ry" I said pulling into a hug.

Ryan has been my best friend since we were 13. We sat next to each other during class and end up making fun of the teachers. We were trouble makers through out middle school and high school. What sucks is he plans to go to collage in San Francisco. Don't get me wrong I'm happy he got expected it just I'll miss my best friend. He's the only person who understands me and I always go to him for girl troubles. He's always been there for me and I've always been there for me.

"I gotta get going. I'll see you later" Ryan said standing up. He kissed my forehead in a friendly way and left.

•••

After he left I made my way to the Cimorelli house the first time in a while. Thankfully it was Dani who opened the door. When I walked in I saw Lisa kissing some guy. I instantly felt my hair break.

"Hey Dan who's is that guy?" I whispered

"Her boyfriend Axel. I don't like him"

"Why?"

"He's always trying to get in her pants and making out with her. She's just stupid to see he's not the guy for her" I nodded not taking my eyes off of of Lisa and the guy shoving his tongue down her throat. I swear to god I felt like I was gone see my lunch again.

"So is Lauren home?" I asked when I pulled myself out of my thoughts.

"Yea she's up in our room" Dani informed me.

Instead of going upstairs I walked over to the couch and pulled Lisa and the guy who's apparently named Axel apart.

"Hey um buddy just so you know your girlfriend doesn't like having your tongue shoved down her throat. She likes slow passionate kissing, and lip biting. Just a little tip for ya" I told the guy then made a clicking sound with my mouth, wicking and sticking my thumb and index finger pointing at him. "Good luck" I told him patting his shoulder.

"Nice" Dani told me giving me a high five before I went upstairs.

I made my way upstairs to the room knocking before entering. I heard Lauren's voice saying to come in. I opened the door finding Lauren laying on her bed reading.

"Hey" I said closing the door before walking over to her.

"Hey" Lauren said closing her book and pecked my lips.

"Soooo watcha readin" I asked taking the book from her hands. "Are you seriously just reading the hunger games?" I asked looking down at the book with the blue mocking jay on the front.

"Yes don't judge me"

"Fake fan" i teased.

"Shut up have you read them yet?"

"Yes actually the whole series three months before the first movie came out"

"Go away" Lauren told me.

"Fine" I said getting up then being pulled back down by Lauren grabbing my wrist.

"I'm kidding"

"I know you were" I told her and pecked her lips.