If I Could

{67} - Gwilym

"That's right. By the way, I'll be leaving after my last session in the juvenile ward today. I really want to leave early. I want to spend more time with Alice before the honeymoon, I hope you don't mind," Belle mentioned her plans to Ben, hoping he wouldn't get mad at her for not stayin as long as she should have.

"No, that's fine. Who stays with Alice while you work?".

"Her nanny or my mom. Sometimes my dad, even though that's less frequent because you know, he's a singer, but he really enjoys spending time with her. Right now she's staying with my mom."

"Oh, I guess that Mary has been a huge support for you," Ben commented.

"Yeah, well, in this case she's been a huge support indeed, but I don't really talk to her anymore. She told me she didn't want me to marry Roger," she confessed as Ben continued to eat.

"She has a problem with that? How? I remember her looking happy when Roger proposed to you."

"She either was faking it or had a drastic change of heart overnight, because the day after Roger proposed to me, my mother came to Garden Lodge only to tell me that I was doing a huge mistake and that she only had been present for the proposal because John insisted her to be there."

"What are her reasons?".

"I don't know. I guess she just thinks Rami was a better choice," Belle said as she ate her last biscuit. "I try to avoid her as much as I can. She's always ready to give me a sermon about why she thinks Roger Taylor is the wrong man for me whenever I'm alone with her. I know that nothing will change the way I feel about Roger, but I simply don't want to listen to her."

"But you really love Roger. Is that not enough for your mother?".

"My mom has never cared about feelings. She only cares about our public image. That's the reason why I moved with my father almost two years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Ben said with a tired voice. Hearing Belle talk about her strong love for Roger had consumed all of his strength. The good thing was that Belle was ready to leave now that she had finished eating her breakfast.

Belle nodded as she stood up and threw her plastic cup and plate in the dustbin. "Well, if you excuse me, I have to go to my last session now."

"Don't forget to bring me your reports to my office before you leave."

"I won't forget," Belle smiled to Ben. "Enjoy your meal."

"Thank you," Ben responded and he saw Belle leave.

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Catherine looked at the pill organiser with a sigh, shaking her head as she opened the cardboard package with her medication. There are a lot of them, pills, to take out one by one and set out for the whole two months of her current prescription. They had funky names, acronyms, different functions, regulations, side-effects, schedules, tastes, forms, colours. Her favourite, she'd decided one day, was a pale pink capsule, which she took every morning and made her feel like everything could be possible again, a feeling that was hard to feel when she was being kept inside a psychiatric hospital. There was nothing she wanted more than being out it. She missed her old life; Her children, her job, her friends, she even missed Daisy and Brian. She doesn't regret anything that she's done, but she sometimes wished she could have carried herself with more prudence in the past, especially when she remembered her ex-husband was one week away from marrying Belle Bulsara. Catherine remembered the day she found out about their engagement: she had a terrible mental breakdown. It was so horrible that she didn't want to think about it anymore. She could feel pure regret burn in her bloodstream. She should have carried out her antics in a much more private and quiet manner, one where she wouldn't have been painted out as a crazy woman.