If I Could

Dedicated to rogerinasminiskirt x

People always say that the world started because of a massive destruction, the epitome of chaos that suddenly became nothing and everything all at once. The birth of a star. The death of another. The creation of an Universe. The destruction of a galaxy.

Others have different minds, different hearts, different beliefs. They say that a godly force came to existence, and filled the void with a bloom of creation that sprung out of their powers. They mention gods, angels, they mention divine figures with inexplicable power and birth of grace.

But nobody talks about the end of the world. What about the end of the world?

There isn't an answer for that; a definite truth. Because the truth is that the world ends for someone every day. Or at least that's what Freddie Mercury used to tell his daughter when she was a curious seven-year-old who wanted answers to everything and anything, and no matter how bizarre the questions were, he always had an aswer for them. Today, Belle Taylor realises that out of all the answers her father had given her, that one was the truest of all. Yes, the end of the world comes to people in different ways: for her, it came in the moment when she learnt that her husband wasn't her daughter's father, but uncle.

Four months had passed since that moment, and it still managed to make Belle shiver every time she remembered about it. The pain she felt, the shock, the horror, every single memory of that harrowing moment never fails to overwhelm her brain. It was like a hand pushing into her chest and grabbing her heart:

Belle Taylor realises that she never knew what sadness was until the moment she told Ben they were having a daughter together.

She's sitting on a stool in the middle of a big white room, her green dress only accentuating her pregnancy bump of eight months. It's amazing, really, how much a person can take, the fact that one cannot die from sorrow alone never fails to amaze Belle. If one could actually die from dejection, how many people in that room would be dead already? That's what she wonders as she looks for the person she's waiting for. She truly feels like she's only existing. "Living" is what she used to do. It's not something she says outright though, because no one but Ben Hardy and John Deacon know what's going on, but even if they knew she wouldn't say it because it'd be hurtful —offensive even—for her loved ones who want to see her whole again. Freddie hovers not because he distrusts her but because he hates seeing his beloved daughter so sad all the time. Brian checks on her and tries to take her out to her favourite restaurants because she doesn't eat as much as she used to do anymore. They do the best for her, which makes her guilty even while it also tells her that she's loved.

Speaking of love, whenever she's with Roger her lungs feel dried up and she feels like she can't breathe properly. She does nothing but pretend. Pretending she's doing well. Just like the song her father sings, Belle's become The Great Pretender herself. It's been that way for four months. Sometimes she thinks that all those actors that have won an Oscar have got nothing on her. All of these horrible four months and she's still functioning the way she's always functioned. She's tired of pretending she's only stressed with work, but no, she wishes it could be just that. The only coping mechanism that she has is that she's always being nice to Roger, she never disagrees with him, never says no to him because honestly, who is she to cause him the slightest bit of pain? She's the one who has betrayed him in the most horrible way and the least thing she could do for him is shut her mouth. She feels like she doesn't deserve his happiness, nor anger.

Chest radiating with an ache that is both inside and out, Belle catches her breath, sees Beatrice Lane, the person she is waiting for. Beatrice smiles at her and hugs her tightly, like she hasn't seen her in years. The women greet each other politely and Beatrice seems to have been running.