Smile for me, John Deacon

I rolled around in my bed, the strings in the mattress announcing it to the whole neighbourhood. I turned my head to look at the alarm clock on my nightstand, it read 3.am.

The figure next to me was sleeping peacefully, her arms crossed under her head. John used to sleep in that positi- Loretta no. Stop it. This is ridiculous. You need to get over it. I slowly slid down from the bed and made a beeline for the door, tiptoeing as quietly as I could. I made my way to the bathroom and turned on the lights.

My God I look tired. I thought as I examined my reflection. All the colour had drained from my face, leaving behind a white shell of a woman. The skin below my eyes was a dark shade of purple and my eyes were red from crying. Lately I hadn't been able to squeeze out any tears, I guess I'd run out of them.

I sat on the floor, leaning my back against the toilet and closed my eyes. Nine days had passed since I had last seen John and every day I could feel my insides tying themselves into tighter and tighter knots. I couldn't eat anything, each time I had tried I had thrown up immediately. I couldn't sleep because every time I fell asleep I would see him. With her.

But I had survived worse, hell I had survived a relationship with an abusive asshole who tried to kill me twice. I was going to survive a breakup from a man that as it turned out, clearly never actually loved me. I was going to get over him, I was determined to do so. But being determined was a whole lot easier during the night, when sitting alone in one's bathroom. Everything was easier at night, I got to be all by myself. And I got to pretend that the person sleeping next to me was John instead of Lisa or Ciarán. Call me pitiful I don't care, truth doesn't hurt. Or does it? I don't even know anymore.

The days were the worst. For some God awful reason every single radio station was playing Queen now. They were everywhere I went, I couldn't escape the bassplayer anywhere, not even at school.

"Today we will be doing something fun an light hearted for change. The group Queen has become incredibly successful in the last couple of years and in honor of the new record they will be releasing in few weeks, today we will analyse the lyrics on their previous records." Professor Westlake had said. Ciarán had immediately excused us from the lecture hall and held me as I cried in the hallway. He was a good man, and would surely make someone very happy one day, just not me. Perhaps it would be that Frankie he was always talking about.

A faint knock on the bathroom door tore me from my thoughts and slammed me back to reality.

"Loretta? Are you alright?" Lisa whispered groggily.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine." I sobbed, my eyes burning from the lack of tears. Lisa slowly opened the door and stepped into the tiny bathroom. She kneeled down beside me and stroked my cheek with her tiny hand.

"It's okay to not be fine you know? I mean, no one is blaming you for feeling miserable Loretta. You don't have to put on a brave face in public and then cry alone in your bathroom." She said with a sad smile.

I gave her a faint nod. Of course I knew that I didn't have to try to put on a brave face, but it was a lot easier than actually dealing with my emotions.

"Come on, let's go back to bed. We can cry together in the morning." She tried to joke and I gave her a small laugh as a sign of graditude towards her attepts to cheer me up.

We walked back to the bed and once we got in she wrapped her arms protectively around me.

"It's all going to be fine. I promise."