Smile for me, John Deacon

"I simply won't allow it." Lisa said and crossed her arms across her chest, clearly starting to get annoyed.

"Lisa, sweetheart. It's not that big of a deal. I've done it in the past, it's fine. Really." I tried to convince her, but she wouldn't budge.

"No Loretta, absolutely not. I do not want you spending Christmas alone. That is the most depressing thing I have ever heard. And I've heard a lot of shit." She said and placed her hand over mine.

It would be Christmas in three days. I had originally planned on going home to my mum and dad to celebrate, but my grandma had fallen ill and they had had to drive to Glasgow to look after her. They did ask me if I wanted to come along, but as much as I loved her, I didn't want to spend my Christmas at the hospital. I had seen and experienced enough depressing stuff in the past couple of months.

"Lisa I'm telling you, it's fine. I most certainly do not want you to cancel your plans. I know that Ciarán is excited about taking you to Ireland with him. I wouldn't want to disappoint him." I said to her and gave her a reassuring smile.

To be completely honest, I didn't want to spend Christmas alone, I really didn't. But who would I be spending it with when Lisa and Ciarán would both be in Ireland and my family would be in Glasgow with my grandma?

I took a glance outside. We were sitting in Lisa's kitchen with the lights out, the only things lighting up the room were the beautiful candles she had laid out around the room. There was a lot of snow outside, more than there had ever been in my lifetime I think. Oh how excited I would've been about the snow as a kid. Lisa and I would always build snowmen and roll around in the snow. We would go sledding and skating. Oh how I miss those simple days.

"Well it's breaking my heart." She said and sighed.

"I know. But I'll be fine. I promise." I told her and smiled. "You need to cheer yourself up, you're going to Ireland on the 24th? That's exciting!" I exclaimed and playfully hit her arm. She smiled widely and nodded.

"That is exciting. And scary. What if I don't understand their accents? It'll be humiliating."

"If you can understand Ciarán, you can understand his family just fine. The man sounds like he's permanently drunk." I joked, earning a laugh from her.

"I suppose you're right. But are you sure you're fine with being alone? You know my family would be more than happy to have you spend Christmas with them. You're basically the daughter they wish they had." She scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"I know, but really it's fine. I'll be alright." I said.

You could see that Lisa was trying her hardest to not strangle me for being 'difficult'. She was just about the most extroverted person I knew and she couldn't understand how someone would want to spend Christmas alone. She had always loved surrounding herself with people at all times so letting me spend Christmas on my own was truly difficult for her.

"Fine. I hate the thought of you spending it alone, but I suppose I can't force you to go to my parents' either." She said with a sad laugh.

"You're right about that one." I said and laughed as well.

Ever since I had seen a new picture of them on the paper in an article about the new album them had just published, I hadn't been able to stop thinking of what spending the Holidays with John would've been like. I had tried to shake away the images of us all cuddled up by the fireplace of what was supposed to be our house in Harlow, by the Christmas tree, sipping on tea and just enjoying the other person. He would watch from the doorway withs a smile on his face as I prepared a meal for us and then he'd feel bad for not helping. Then we would talk about all the crazy things that had happened and we'd poke fun at something stupid Roger said. And then once the night settled in, we'd climb into bed together and snuggle up to each other to keep us warm.