When we're walking up the stairs to the lounge in the lab, I'm staring at all the stuff everywhere. We reach Hodgins, who sits there, waiting for us.
"Hey kiddo,"
he stands up and hugs me. Now I'm confused.
So is Zack: "Why do you hug my girlfriend?" Aw, is he jealous? That's sweet.
"Because I'm now friends with her, too. Dude, she baked a cake!" I'm okay with that.
"We weren't friends before?" I ask smiling.
"Ah, you know, I wasn't sure. But now, we are, that's cool, right?"
"Alright."
Angela just sits there, with that look. "Girl, I never thought you'd match with these guys like you actually do..."
"Yea, I'm a very surprising person, right?" I laugh while saying that.
Hodgins gives Zack a look, I can tell, he regrets it the next second.
"She is, she always surprises me. When we..."
"Please, not now Zack!" (H)
"I just wanted to say, she knows what I'm thinking! When we talk, I'm always surprised, that she understands me."
"And I'm always surprised by you. But I think I'm not supposed to say in which situations I'm most surprised..."
I give Hodgins a little provoking smile and take a sip of my drink. It doesn't taste much like alcohol.. Just when I want to ask Hodgins, how he did that, I hear a voice behind me.
"Are you eating cake there?" it's Booth.
"Can't you see? I can see from here, they have chocolate cake, and Hodgins special drinks." That's Dr. Brennan, she sits down next to Angela, Booth following her. Somehow, I don't want the FBI guy to be here. I'm okay with Dr. Brennan I think, but I'd rather been with only people who call themselves my friends.
"Can you show me your working place?" I whisper into Zack's ear. He gives me a slight smile and gets up. "Dr. Brennan, I wondered if I'm allowed to show Ilyana my workplace?"
Dr. Brennan just looks at him. Angela helps out: "I'm sure, you can do that. Right, sweetie?" She says with another glance to Dr. B, what says much more than her words. Dr. Brennan nods, so Zack pulls me after him, down the stairs.
"Why should she want to see his workplace?" (B)
"You know what I really think? She doesn't like you." (A)
"Why shouldn't she like me?" (B)
"Maybe, because you said she wasn't normal and you don't seem to like Zack?" (H)
"You want to tell me, she's really the girlfriend of your weirdo kid and she understands normal human beings?" (B)
"She understands a lot." (Dr. B.) "The combination of the degrees she already has and her latest choice show, that she is very interested in humans and she must be excellent in understanding people."
"You're aware of the fact, that she's here to study psychology?" (H)
"Yes, I know. But she makes it more a science by how she combined it with linguistics. I think she studies humans, in a way related to how we do." (Dr. B.)
"Okay, so she's a genius who reads people's minds?" (B)
"Yes, like Angela, but she listens, while Angela more watches. And Zack and I, we read bones." (Dr. B)
"Like I said, not normal." (B)
"But she knows, when you say something mean. And she really likes Zack, she sees something in him, what you can't." (A)
"What no one of us can see..." (H)
"I know he's not a robot, but... he's so weird!" (B)
"Love falls, where it wants to, Booth." (A)
"That's amazing!" It really is. Zack showed me all his instruments and what he did for the latest case and I'm stunned. How is it possible, that someone like him, a genius, working with only other geniuses on that important things, is interested in me?
"You think that?"
"Yes, really."
"Why do you look so unhappy now, then?" Oh, I did? Jesus, can't I just stop my face from express anything? At least so much, that he doesn't realize. "I just thought about how boring I am, compared to you, and your life." He turns around, scanning my face. "What makes you say that?"
"You know, you're working here, on really important things... you're a genius, everyone you work with is a genius. I'm just a girl from Germany, studying anything all the time..." I can't look into his eyes. I'm ashamed I think.
"But that's what I like." He pulls my head up with his finger under my chin. "You don't believe me."
"Since when are you the one reading other people's minds?" Since when does he actually care, if I look at him or not?
"I learned enough about any people and now about you, to see at least a few things."
"Right... sorry." I take step closer to him, leaning my head to his chest.
"Why are you apologizing?" Why are you so cute?
"Because I accidentally underestimated your ability to read facial expressions." I mutter into his shirt.
"Oh. That's okay, I think. So, I like you. I like, that your studying all these things. Maybe, you couldn't understand me like you do, if you hadn't. You weren't here, if it wasn't for studying psychology, so that's acceptable, too. I don't think you're boring, you know a lot about things I never thought about. You're interested in what I do, in who I am. That makes you even more interesting."
Oh, this time he said the absolutely right thing. I smile up to him.
"And you made me understand more about what's going on with people, who are enamored. I think, that's the most interesting part of it." Wait, what? I need to look up this word. I take out my phone.
"What are you doing?"
"I need to look something up."
"That's the first time you didn't understand something I said."
"Yeah, and it's only one word, but I need to be sure I got it right."
"Which word?"
"Enamored?"
"It means, like Angela said, I've fallen for you, at least, that's how I mean it. The first time we met. Or 'I have a crush on you'." I just stare up to him.
"It doesn't mean, you know, like people say 'I love you', she said it's way too early for that, but if I hadn't have fallen for you, I wouldn't like you to be my girlfriend, right?" (no idea about all the temp stuff.. had have, had, would, will, fall fell fallen, what?)
"Right."
"Are you going to cry now, again?" No, now I need to laugh again.
"No, Zack. It's just... you know, that's the kind of things you surprise me with. And make my heartbeat faster..."
"I remember you saying I would do that. I believe, that I know what you mean."
We're just standing there, looking into each other eyes. What happens here? Why do I feel so... indescribable?
"This would be a nice moment to kiss you, right? Or is it just an odd desire?"
"No, it's not odd." And he bends down again, one hand on my back, the other on my cheek and somehow this feels like so much more than just a kiss. I stop him from pulling back completely. For some reason, I now need a hug. He holds on for a minute, letting me breath into his ear.
"Um... that's not a comfortable position for me, you know." I pull back. "Right, sorry."
"Are we going back now? I'd like to have another piece of your cake." He smiles down to me, I know it's because he thinks about the cake, but it makes me smile anyway. So, we go back.
"Hodgins, how did you do this... stuff?"
It's actually really good. I finished my second glass by now.
He explains to me, how he did it.
"Why are you here, actually?" Booth asks me after Hodgins finished explaining and turned around to talk to Angela. Zack is still busy with his cake.
"Um, I baked the cake you're eating."
"Oh, nice. That's a good reason. Great cake, by the way."
"Thank you, Agent Booth." That may have sound a little cold, but not too much I think.
An hour later, everyone gets tired. They worked the whole day, it's almost 10 now. I feel like party, but Zack seems to be totally wiped out. Angela and Hodgins want to leave, so we have to as well, anyway.
"They want to have sex again, right?" He speaks slower than usual, better for me, because it's much harder to understand anyone in this country for me when my brain is influenced by alcohol.
"They want." I answer while we go along the last floor. He takes my hand. I think about the moment we had in his room. I'm less surprised now, more happy. When we're outside, he talks like crazy. God, did the fresh air give him a kick or what's that? I hardly understand anything. He ends with "Right?" Oh boy. We again stand outside Hodgins car, Hodgins waiting inside, Angela waits for my response.
"Okay. You know how your brain works slower, when you're drunk?
When that's slow, what just came out of him... I don't want to know what normal is like. He nods, I get in, signing him to do so. In the car, I go on
"So yes, you know, being drunk makes me feel more German, like I start thinking on German and stuff... I'm usually always with other German people when I'm drunk. And maybe I' m a little drunk. Anyway, I didn't understand anything you just told me. I'm sorry, really."
He needs to think about it. Angela chuckles in the front seat.
"What did he say?" I ask her.
"He explained what I explained to you before, about the drink. Only more detailed. He thought you might have some questions."
Hodgins tells me. Now I laugh with Angela.
"Really, Zacky. I'm sorry. You just talked so fast and there was so much chemical stuff in it..."
He remains silent. Oh boy. I fucked this up.
"He asked something else, after explaining that." Angela finally tells me.
"I think I got stuck on the part with the process of extracting the alcohol..."
"Ask her again, sweetie." Angela says to Zack. And then I'm surprised again.
"I think I will ask her again, when we're alone. You were not supposed to hear that." Wow, did he just found his own privacy limit (you know what I mean?)? Angela seems to be surprised too, Hodgins is busy driving, but smiling about the conversation. Angela starts making fun about my problems with the language after only two of Hodgins' drinks. That makes at least the rest of the ride a less strange.
When we finally get out of the car and Hodgins and Angela are gone the same second, I reach for his hand. I'm still not sure if he's angry with me. But he lets me holding his hand until we're in the living room.
"I'm sorry." I say again. I really, really am. "I could have asked you to speak slower."
"I'm not upset. I think I can understand how you felt." Wow, cool. "My last question before was, 'You were angry with Booth, because he was mean to me, right?'"
Wow again. "Yes. And because he said I was 'unnormal' in a way probably similar to how he says it to you. And then we talked about that this morning, and I felt like he must be a terrible person."
"You felt like that?"
"Yes... now, I think, he's actually nice, but he can't cope with you being so smart."
I can't explain that in more detail now.
"What do you want to do?" I ask.
The party mood is gone, I want to sleep. I wonder how he feels after three pieces of chocolate cake and three of Hodgins drinks.
"To be honest, I don't feel really well." That's not surprising.
"So, we go to bed?"
"If that's okay for you."
"Yes, absolutely." Not ten minutes later, we lay there again. We start with one shared blanket now, but he has the second one on his side, just in case.
"How do you feel?"
"I'm not sure."
"You gonna puke?"
"No. People puke because of chocolate cake?"
"Good and yes, they do. What kind of stomach do you actually have that you don't feel like throwing up after all that cake and drinks..."
Our hands rest on his chest. I watch how they move with his breathing.
"I don't know. What do you think happened when we were in my room at the lab?"
"You mean what the others did then?"
"No. I meant actually in the room."
"I have no idea, really. Maybe it was... somehow... I don't know, very romantic?"
He smiles up to the ceiling, his eyes already closed. "I like romantic things."
I can't even move to kiss him goodnight, so I just squeeze his hand "Me too."
I'm waked up by the sound of someone definitely puking. Geez.
"You alright Zack?" I need to yell, so he can hear me through the door. It's only 8... why does he wake up that early every day?
No answer. I decide to give him a few minutes more, this time I'm making some tea. I put the cups on the table in the living room, then I go to look after him.
I knock at the bathroom door. "Zack?"
"Why didn't you stop me from eating so much cake?"
"Yesterday you said you wouldn't throw up. Can I come in?"
"Yes... uh, no..."
I take the first answer, I don't care about people puking. At least, as long I'm not drunk. I sneak into the room, he's busy hugging the toilet.
"I said no..." He turns his head to me after a moment.
"Before that, you said yes and I only wanted to be polite."
He just gives me a not really angry look.
"Alright, you think you're done now?"
"I don't know..."
"You know what, take another look at all the chocolate cake, then we'll know."
I point to the toilet, to make him understand. This always works, after you take a closer look, the rest comes out easy...
"I would say there's nothing left now..." He looks exhausted, what makes me laugh again.
"Why are you laughing about me?"
"Not about you... just the situation."
"The situation seems to be, that I ate too much cake and drank too much alcohol... I never vomited because of something like that before."
"There's always a first time, cutie. Maybe I have a bad influence on you?"
"I'm sure you're only a good influence for me."
"Nice." I smile and help him to get up. "And because I'm such a good influence I made some tea."
"I don't see the connection between that..."
"Right, me neither." He laughs about that. Wow, he thinks saying illogical things is funny?
We sit down on the couch. "How do you feel now?"
"Better. But I'm hungry now." That makes me laugh again. How can he think about eating now?
"I think you should give your stomach a break. The tea should be enough for the start."
He starts sipping his tea, so do I.
"You called me 'cutie'."
"Um, yes, I did. You don't like it?"
"You didn't say anything like that before."
"Yeah, you know... I was kind of afraid? I don't know, it feels strange, but you are a cutie. Should I say Uriah?"
"I'm your cutie." That big smile. I love it. "And no, please, don't."
"You are." I say, starting to tickle him again. "So, that's okay for you?"
"Yes. I like it, actually." I knew it. Or at least, I hoped for it.
"It makes me feel normal." Oh boy. Okay, let's talk this out.
"Alright, look, I told you, you're weird, yes. Kind of unnormal. But so am I, so are so many other people on this world. You don't have to be normal on every way, that would be so damn boring."
He listens and thinks about it. "And I think it's much better to be weird, because you're a genius, than for any other reason. And if you wouldn't be who you are, I wouldn't be here with you. You know, I didn't want to find someone here. I thought I needed a break of guys and feelings and all this, you only made me forget about that, because you are, who you are. For most people, you're Zack, the weird genius. For me you've been that the first times we met, too. Now, you're Zack, the weird, but cute, romantic and funny genius... I have a crush on."
Did he just freeze on me? That didn't happen for a long time.
I take his hands into mine. "You understand?"
"Yes, I do." He lays his head on the backrest of the couch, still looking at me. "And somehow, at the same time, I don't understand anything."
"There are things no one ever will understand."
"That's one of it?"
"I think so, yes. So, will you stop being impatient with being so smart, that it makes you special?"
"Yes." He took a flick of my hair into his hand and plays with it.
"You're still thinking about something."
"Yes. I still don't know when I can kiss you and how to do all that... You always do it."
"You did, too. Friday, before we got into Hodgins car. You remember?"
"I always remember everything. But Angela told me before, what to do." Of course, she did.
"Okay, I'm saying this the last time now." That about him never forgetting anything. "You are allowed to do, whatever you want. I want you, to do whatever you feel like. If you're unsure in some situations, just ask me. The best would be to ask without other people hearing, alright?"
"Okay." He says and leans forward to kiss me. Wow. It's not the mood, but there's something different. It is passionate, but more on the emotional way.
"That made my heart beat faster." He says. This way he always just looks one straight in the eyes. I can't express how I feel right now.
"Yeah... I know what you mean." I answer. He laughs. I wonder why.
"Suddenly you think that's funny?"
"No. I'm not laughing about that, I think... I'm just... I'm so happy." Now, he's surprised by himself.
"That's how it should be." I say before I pull him closer to me for another kiss.
"You got to work today, right?" Why does he even ask, he knows exactly when I have to work, you tell him one time, he never forgets.
"Yes..." I sigh.
"I thought you'd like to work at the bar?"
"I do. But I don't like that we can't be together then."
"Me neither."
"But we have eight hours left. Luckily you decided to throw up loudly and clearly at 8 in the morning."
He understands it after checking my face, where he found the smile that tells him I'm only making a little fun of him.
There's a short moment of silence.
"There's one more thing." I don't say anything, I just look at him, waiting.
"You said I should be me. That's what I told Hodgins, when I first saw you and he wanted me to act like he told me. That I want you to know me. But, it seems to me, that I'm not quite sure how I am. I'm always just trying to do right."
I chuckle again. "At our age, that's one of the most normal problems one can have, Zack."
"Then, how can I be myself?"
"Like I said, you do, how you feel. Of course, you think about it before, but actually you just do, what you want."
"Okay... What have you done when Angela and me came to pick you up?"
"You mean jumping on your couch?"
"Yes."
"I listened to music, jumped around and sang along a little."
"You had fun doing that, right?"
"Yes, that's why I did it."
Oh, my god. I can see it on his face, he wants to try it.
"You want to try it?" I can't hide my smile.
"I don't know." Oh, that's too sweet. I get up and turn on the music, he didn't move the player back.
He just watches.
At least for the first song. I'm jumping and kind of dancing around even wondering why I can do that with him watching.
The next song, he enjoys much more. His face lights up, like I never saw it before. He knows the song, I can see it. It's 'Believe it or not' by Joey Scarbury (The real Eric fans understand that), I'm actually afraid, but I can't resist humming along the chorus.
"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air
I never thought I could feel so free
Flying away on a wing and a prayer"
I just jumped on the couch, when I realize something. I let myself fall on the sofa and now I stare at him. He sings, too. I knew there was something in his voice, but nothing prepared me for this.
"Who could it be?
Believe it or not, it's just me
This is too good to be true
Look at me falling for you"
Wow, good I'm already sitting.
Now he stares back. "Did I do something wrong?"
"Okay, first, you can't do something wrong while having fun, as long as you have fun. But, you forgot the jumping part. Second, that was amazing Zack! I mean... man... wow... I don't know any word in your language to say what I want to say." I really don't know.
"I had singing lessons, as a child." Sure. Why not? Let the genius sing. How does something like that happen?
"You needed lessons?"
"I don't know if they were needed. I learned a lot of things..."
"Okay. Yes, of course you did."
"You seem to be really surprised."
"Yeah... I am. In a positive way, of course." Surprised is not even close to the right word. "So, did you have fun?" I need to process this.
"I had." His smile confirms that.
"Then, why don't you just keep on singing?"
"I don't know this song." I go back to the other song. He doesn't do anything.
"I can't." Oh, come on. I get up, start jumping again, not looking at him. "Maybe you should sing first."
"You want me to sing after I heard your singing?"
"I like it. I like seeing you have fun."
God, okay. I hum along a little. How could I say no, now? Three verses later, I stop jumping and humming. I just stand there, on the couch, next to him. I can't handle this.
"Why you stopped?" He asks after the song is over.
"So I can listen to you."
"Why would you..." I stop him from talking with a kiss. I don't want to talk about it, or more, I can't.
I just wanted to shut him down, but somehow, he leads this into another direction. And with another direction, I mean the bedroom.
This time, he doesn't pull back immediately to cover himself.
He stays where he is, holding me, his face in my hair. He says something, I don't understand.
"What?"
"I said, that was even better than before. It was great every time, but..." He stops, probably he doesn't know how to explain it.
"Yeah, I know. You know, that's totally normal." I smile to the wall.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why does it get even better?"
"You know..." Yeah, I totally can explain that. "I think it has something to do with feelings. You know, growing feelings. Between us." I turn a little, so I can face him. He seems to think.
"I never felt so much like when I'm with you." Oh god, that melts my heart. I kiss him again and he kisses back, I think he got it now. Even out of the mood. I let my fingers run through his hair again, he closes his eyes. Then he opens them again, looking at me.
"You ever felt like this before?" Oh boy, why do you have to ask this?
"Um, kind of, yes. You know, it's never the same with different persons."
"You loved your boyfriends? Like you said 'I love you'?" He has no idea how strange this is. But it's okay.
"One, yes. I said it to the first one, too, but with the second one I realized it wasn't that real with the first one."
"So, you know what it's like?" What an interesting conversation for after lunch-sex. Hm... lunch.
"Yeah, I believe I know it."
"How does it feel?" I scan his face. No clear emotion to see, when he asks this.
"It's something really hard to describe. It's a little like what's between us now. But more, it takes time. You feel like the other person is the only one who really understands you. You want to take care of the other one, you want that the other person takes care of you. When you're sad, the person you truly love is the one who can help you the most. You don't have to be afraid of saying anything. You have faith in the other one. You trust."
He listens.
"And there's not much logic, you know. You can't say where it comes from. I can say, I love your hair, because of its color. I love your eyes, because I feel like they're endlessly deep. I could say I love you, because you're smart and sweet. But that wouldn't be the real reason. There are things, you love the other person for. Like being always there for you. But you can't say the one reason why you love someone. True love just comes, it doesn't need one reason, it's in everything."
He nods. I'm not sure where my words just came from or if he understood. I just keep on running my hand through his hair, letting my eyes wander over him, until I end up looking into his eyes again. I literally feel how he thinks about something, while enjoying the contact. I know it's not usual for him to be that comfortable so close to another person, it makes me proud and happy. But I'm still hungry. And I'm not ready to think about that stuff now.
"Um, what about lunch?"
"Do you like macaroni and cheese?" I laugh.
"Yes, I do."
I watch him'cooking'. He's absolutely not the kind of guy you would expect to actually use his kitchen. But I find that even more sexy. I sit on the kitchen counter,watching him. I pull him to me, when he's not too busy, engaging in a kiss, only a little too passionate. I can't help, I just love how concentrated he cooks.
"Didn't we want to have lunch?" Oh, sweetie. No reason not to enjoy a little more contact.
"Yeah, we will. Sorry."
"Don't apologize." He turns back to the macaroni. "So, when you loved your second boyfriend, why did you break up?" This seems to occupy his mind.
"You know... Even if you love someone, it doesn't mean it's forever. Maybe he loved me, too. I don't know, but..." I don't like talking about that, but I guess, I should tell him.
"Don't you want to say?"
"Yes, I do, but it's not easy, you know. There was another girl."
"He cheated on you?"
"Kind of, yes."
"I wouldn't ever do that, you know that, right?"
I force a smile. "He didn't want to hurt me, I think. You would say, there was just another girl who triggered the chemical reaction. Maybe more than I did."
He doesn't answer. He just looks down to me, standing in front of me again. I hug him around his waist and lean my head against his chest again.
"Are you sad now?"
I chuckle and look up to him. "No. I'm not. Because you make me happy."
This makes him smile and I kiss him again. He almost forgets the macaroni and cheese...