The Breaking Point - Kirisuna

Forgive, Not Forget.

"Asuna, I can't even express myself properly... When I first met you, I had a hard time coming to terms with the way I felt about you. I daydreamed about asking you out and you sleeping on my chest. When you asked to take care of me, I was shocked. I was a young boy interacting with a girl I'm not related to for the first time. You had people ogle you all the time, I wasn't used to other girls liking me. I knew I had worthy friendships with the girls of SAO and ALO but I've never rejected a girl before, I'm afraid of hurting them. I will admit, it feels good to be loved. I was selfish in not ending their affection towards me because it's the only time I've been loved by others in that way. But the number of girls who liked me got bigger and bigger. I was so used to just allowing these feelings that I didn't always recognize when things were going too far. I became close with Sinon because she reminded me of me. That was also the first time since you that I was alone in a game. I was scared for you to get involved in Gun Gale, to be honest. I didn't leave you out because of Sinon. I did feel a connection with Sinon but in a best friend way. That's all." I was crying harder, it was hard to believe him so far. He stopped to wipe some of my tears off my face then continued.

"After the Sugo situation, I felt even more bonded to you having our relationship be solidified in the real world too. We were so in sync that I just assumed you always knew how I felt about you. That sucks because I can see I didn't always show it. I didn't tell people off the bat that you were my girlfriend, but it wasn't because I was ashamed of you. I just didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I liked that our love was private. It's hard for me to openly say that I love you. I'm so used to keeping those types of emotions hidden. That doesn't mean that I didn't love you.

In Underworld, I ended up becoming trapped in my own body. I was so sad because you had warned me about the projects I kept getting myself into, I felt like I let you down. I avoided thinking about you sometimes because I didn't want to think about disappointing the person I care about the most. But God... when I saw your face after 2 years..." Kirito's voice broke, recalling the painful incident. Tears came down his face finally. He used his other hand to hold my hands together, gripping them tightly.

"Asuna, when I saw your face I was broken. I tried to call out for you though my body wouldn't let me. I missed you so much it was like a dream. My love then felt like it started pouring over from my heart to know that you had come looking for me and had found me. That you would be the one to save me. Believe me when I say that I wanted to die, but the thought of your support, along with everyone's, saved me. I put all my love and trust into you, Asuna. We have a scary strong connection that I can't explain. You are the only one I consider equal to me. I see you as a part of me. So I idiotically assumed that you knew no matter what, that I'd always love you. Alice... Alice was someone I was entrusted to protect. I didn't think twice about taking her in, but I should have created boundaries. I should have told her about you earlier. I should have told you everything every time something happened. I should've made boundaries for a lot of girls and I'm sorry, Asuna. But you must know that you're the only one I have loved. The only one I still love. It hurts to see you distance yourself from me. I still want you to be my family.

I get that you may not love me anymore but we had Yui together. No matter what, you're still 'Mommy'. Nothing could change that. Nothing could change my love for you." Kirito spoke through his tears.

My tears created a lump in my throat, my brain was fuzzy hearing Kirito explain himself. I cried harder. I still loved him and I wanted to love on him. My trust was still betrayed.

"Kirito, who's to say that things won't be the same? That you'll break these habits and change?"

"I don't know how else to show you that my love is unconditional. You tell me what to do and I'll do it. Say the word and it's done. Anything to get you to forgive me!"

"I've already forgiven you but I think the best thing right now is to just keep it spacey between us until I can get back to the old me".

"What do you mean the old you? The person you are now is fine?" Kirito sounded concerned.

"I've softened up since I met you. I've lost my edge".

"You once asked me how I would feel if I saw another side of my partner. I still feel the same way. I'd be excited because there's a new side to love. You didn't soften up because of me. It's always been a part of you. I love all of you. You don't need to purposely change, it's pointless."

"Ok," I blushed and stood up. Kirito followed me. "I think it's time for me to go".

I pulled my hands from Kirito's while his hold lingered as if he didn't want to let go.

He looked at our hands separating then looked up at me. Tears were welling up in his eyes again. He swiftly turned around not saying a word and made his way to the cabin's bedroom. I turned to leave.

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A/N: Wow. Another day. Another chapter. I think Kirisuna is making some good progress. I'm excited to write the romance. Again a disclaimer, I'm sorry for the typos guys. Chapter 10, I'm revising every chapter after publishing!
Chapter 9 is revised.