Unconditional Love

Lay just hung up on me. I can't believe that I spoke to her like that. I have never treated her like this ever before. I don't even know why I blew up like that. Yes, I am frustrated and I need to get some rest, but that's not a good enough excuse. I wish I could apologize in person. I need her to know that I love her and I am truly sorry. I sent her a text apologizing again because she wouldn't answer when I tried to call back.

I know that she just shutdown on me. Lay hates conflict. She does not argue, once she has tried and failed to get her point across then she shuts down completely and lets the other person do whatever it is that they want. She moves on to something new to redirect her attention. I'm a fucking idiot.

This is my own personal hell that I created. She did nothing wrong. Keisha and I were at fault but she is always the one who gets punished it seems like. I love Lay more than anything. How can I love her and hurt her at the same time? I don't have a solid answer, but the one that pops into my head more and more these past few months is something that scares the hell out of me.

Lay has always been a breath of fresh air for me, she didn't come with expectations and an open hand. I was free to be myself. She was afraid to start a relationship with me because of my reputation; thanks to my hating ass sister. I kept trying though. I admired everything about her; she was beautiful and smart. Hell, baby girl has been closing deals with fortune 500 companies since the age of fifteen.

She was always there for me and Keisha. I mean she may have thought that things between us were strictly platonic but she was always there. I slowed down seeing Keisha after a while when I made things official with Lay. I told her that I was swamped with work. That was true, the expansion and my side hustle was taking a lot of my time. And somewhere deep down I was trying to do right by Layla. She was saving herself for marriage and I respected her for that. I wanted to at least try to be faithful, I always imagined her as my wife.

One day I popped up on Keisha, and found some nigga laid up on my couch like he paid bills in that mothafucka. Keisha was in the bedroom asleep. I beat his ass and kicked him out of my house. I wasn't against her finding someone at that point but she damn sho' was not about to do it on my dime. It hurt my ego as well because she didn't have enough respect to honor the rules of living in my home. I took care of her 100%. She did not have a job other than being a mom. I tried to get her to go back to school, she started but never finished it. I told her to find a hobby or an online job but she said it got in the way of taking care of Keith.

We got into a huge fight when I confronted her about the dude being in the house. She told me that she did it because she needed attention and I was pushing her on a back-burner. She cried, she apologized in a few different ways, and I fell back into the routine we had before. I gave her all the attention she wanted when I could. A few months after that she said that she wanted to try to move on from me. I was still with Layla and I agreed. We parted ways and I was a faithful man to Layla for about six months.

Lay was in Boston for a few weeks taking exams and mandatory physical classes at Harvard. I ended up at a club one night and bumped into someone from my crew. She was pretty and stacked the way I liked it. We had a few drinks and she sucked me up in my car in the parking lot. It was the best damn head I had in my entire life, putting Keisha to shame. I knew then she had to be on my team. I thought I would just get head occasionally but all it did was make me crave more. We started fucking then it became a regular thing.

I decided at that moment I wasn't ready for a full commitment. I was still young and I wanted that freedom to be with whomever I wanted to. It went from the one on my crew, to getting head from a random in the club, then to me fucking my PA, Rella on a regular.