Empty

"Honey, can you grab my phone?" Laila calls from the bathroom. She's been doing her hair and makeup for almost 20 minutes now. I'm taking her out tonight in hopes that spending more romantic time with her will remind me how much I love her and how I can absolutely not leave her. I can never leave her. I need tonight to remind me how much I love her. I need to finally propose.

Today is a random Wednesday, so hopefully it's enough to catch her off guard. We've spoken about an engagement before, but never went into depth.

Laila is fun. I have fun with her. She's incredibly seductive and spunky, which is what has always kept our relationship interesting. She's someone who I think would make a good wife and possibly a good mom. Now I just need to convince myself that she'll be good for me. I need to convince myself that I'll be good enough for her.

I walk over to her nightstand and unplug her phone from the charger. I glance at the phone and see a message from her best friend Lisa.

Lisa: I can't wait to see you this weekend. I love you so much, Laila.

Girls' messages sure are lovey-dovey. It's so weird. I furrow my brow when reading the message. Laila didn't tell me about Lisa coming this weekend?

Lisa is Laila's best friend, but she lives in Washington, so I still haven't met her. Not like I need to, either.

I bring the phone to her as she's applying some eye makeup. "You didn't tell me Lisa was going to be in town," I say.

"Oh, yeah," she responds, "sorry, completely forgot to tell you. I'll be out on Saturday, so you can hang out with the guys that day."

I plant a gentle kiss on her forehead, "Sounds good. You look beautiful by the way." She smiles at my compliment. I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her stomach as I kiss her neck. She giggles. "Maybe we can have a quickie before dinner," I whisper into her ear.

She shakes her head, "babe, I'm way too hungry for that." She turns around, grabs my face, and gives me a quick kiss on the lips. "When we come back. I promise."

"I'll hold you to it," I say, kissing her on the forehead again before walking into the bedroom again. I sit on the bed and pull out the little box from my pocket.

The thing about Laila is that she is a beautiful woman. She really is. I mean, she's hot. She's the perfect girl, but why don't I love her?

I mean, I do love her. I just don't think I'm in love with her. Or maybe I am. Maybe Cargo-Pants is just playing with my head. Whatever, it doesn't matter. I'm staying with Laila. I'm going marry her one day. I'm going to marry her, I repeatedly think to myself as I sit on the edge of the bed staring at the ring. I'm going to be happy with Laila.

Cargo-Pants is merely an illusion- a dream. Cargo-Pants isn't a reality, she can't be. I mean, who knows what she's even like? She could be the worst person on the planet for all I know. Then again, she teaches kids with special needs, it's impossible for her to be the worst person on the planet. Who knows if we'd even connect? We've already connected. I'm not even attracted to her, I think every single thing about her tiny body is made to perfection. She might be in a relationship, but she wouldn't have corrected me so quickly when I called her Mrs. Zabala. She's not as pretty as Laila, she's prettier.

My head begins to hurt. She makes my head hurt. I need to stop thinking about her.

"Ready!" Laila calls, which startles me. I quickly shove the box in my pocket and get up to look at her. She is just stunning. She's wearing a fitted black dress that makes her hourglass figure amazing. She's so sexy. She's my future.

Who am I kidding? Why am I even considering someone like Cargo-Pants, when I have this right in front of me?

Laila laughs as she sees me staring at her speechless, "are you ok?"

"I can't wait for dessert tonight," I say in awe. I so badly want to just eat her up right now.

"Let's go," she giggles as she takes my hand.

Once we are seated at the restaurant, we open our menus. I look up at Laila and continue to convince myself that I love her enough to marry her. I have to marry her.

Marriage was something I never had second thoughts about since getting into a relationship with Laila. I never considered not marrying her. I never thought about it until now.

But I can't help it that Cargo-Pants is all I can think about. I still don't understand why this idea of her compels me.

I know the grass ain't greener on the other side. I know that. So, what's getting in my way?

Maybe my relationship is reaching the point where it's not exciting enough. Maybe this engagement will spark the excitement and desire I once had for Laila.

"What are you going to get, honey?" She asks looking up from her menu.

"Maybe the filet mignon," I replied, "you?"

"I'm trying to decide between the lamb chops or the salmon," she says slowly, studying the menu. "Maybe I'll-"

"Laila," I cut her off.

"I think I'll do the salmon with the potatoes," she continues

"Laila, I need to ask you something" I attempt again, but she ignores me.

"Do you think broccoli or asparagus will be better?" She asks.

"Will you marry me?" I ask as I reach for my pocket. She shoots her head up quickly to look at me.

"Huh?"

I slide off my chair to get on one knee. My entire body is shaking. I don't know if this is the best decision, but I've been planning this moment for a while, so it must be, right?

"Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?" I ask again.

Laila throws her hand over her mouth and freezes. She doesn't say anything for a solid few seconds.

"Chris..." she begins. Her tone tells me her response isn't what I was expecting. "Chris, I-"

I put my head down and let out a sigh. This was a bad idea, she's clearly not ready for this kind of commitment. I slowly get up and back into my chair.

"No, no, no," she quickly says, "I'm sorry, I was just not expecting this at all." Well, you're not supposed to, Laila.

"My fault, maybe this isn't the right time. I might've jumped the gun on this one." I tell her.

She shakes her head violently, "no, honey, you didn't jump the gun. I'm just surprised, that's all."

There's a pause. She doesn't want this. I sigh.

"Chris, I-"

"You don't want to marry me."

"That's not true," she argues, "I'm sorry. Yes, I will marry you!" She leans in to kiss me.

"If you're not ready for this, that's okay, Laila." I say.

"No, I am. I promise." She smiles and holds her hand out, spreading her fingers apart. "I would love to be your wife!"

"You sure?" I ask, still not very convinced. She nods. I take a deep breath, and take the ring out of its box. I slowly slide it on her finger and she lets out a shriek.

"EEEEK- I'm so excited!" She pulls my face in for another kiss. I'm struggling to read her at this moment. I can tell she doesn't want this, but I don't want her to not want it. I can tell she's forcing this reaction, but I want her to be my wife so badly, that I let her pretend.