Empty

I immediately walk over to him and wrap my arms around his waist. He throws his arms around my neck and sobs uncontrollably. It is this moment that I realize that he is not a player, nor a sick fucker, he is a person battling his own demons. It is this moment that guilt overtakes me for not being able to notice that someone is just as troubled as I am, if not more.

Chris has been obsessed with checking up on me, not because he is trying to get into my pants, but because he knows what this is like. He knows how it feels to be without direction and crushed. He's carrying his own secrets that are crippling him from being able to live his life to its full capacity. He has a story, one that doesn't have many sunshine and rainbows in it.

I am seeing Chris in a completely different light right now. He is not pretending to be the hero at this moment, nor is he trying to evaluate someone's mental state. Right now in this moment he is raw, he is vulnerable, he's the one who needs saving.

Chris lifts his head off of my shoulder to look at me and for the first time, I really see his eyes. They are the most beautiful shade of brown, yet the most miserable eyes I have ever seen. I finally look at his freshly lined-up hairline, exposing his perfectly sized forehead, that fades smoothly into his beard. I look at his lips which were so soft the last time they were pressed against mine. I wish I never kissed him, because I don't think I will ever not hunger for his kisses.

Within a minute, I am entirely lost in his eyes and he doesn't think twice before grabbing my face and pushing my body with his against the wall in the hallway, kissing me intensely. He pulls his lips away from mine and leans my head to the right, sucking the left side of my neck. I throw my hands down to his waist, letting out a quiet moan. He immediately stops and looks up at me and smiles as he starts pulling my shirt off, taking a minute to admire my chest and coming back down to plant a kiss on my lips.

"Turn around," he whispers. I do as he says.

He snaps my bra off and throws it on the ground. Using one of his large hands, he cups both of my boobs, while the other slowly runs down my stomach as his mouth is softly kissing the right side of my neck. His touches somehow make me forget about every unfortunate thing in my life. His touches make me feel like I am flying above cloud nine, without any fear of the future, or regrets about the past. His touches make me feel loved. They make me feel safe. They make me feel, for the first time ever, complete.

I turn around to look at him again. I place my hand on his cheek and he lifts his hand to hold mine.

"You are so beautiful," he whispers, and as he says those words, I see a little spark in his eyes. I smile, using my thumb to gently stroke his face.

"I'm sorry I told you to go to hell," I say.

"It's okay," his smile lifts, "we might both be going there after tonight."

Before I can react to his words, he takes my hand and pulls me to a bedroom and pushes me onto the bed and immediately gets on top of me. Oh my God, he's so hot. He takes his shirt off revealing the dark hairs on his chest perfectly lining the center of his abdomen. His kisses make their way from my lips down to my belly button. He gently pulls my pants off and hides his face showing me everything a tongue is capable of doing.

Chris' hunger is prevalent in every move he makes, though he is gentle and making sure to pleasure me before himself. I can sense his eagerness to get inside, but I can't help but notice his self-control, which makes me even more attracted to him. He finally comes back up, I cup his face in my hands and guide him back to my lips. He kisses me carefully and pulls away.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks me quietly.

I know if we go all in tonight, it will be something we can never come back from. We will no longer be able to be in the same room as one another, knowing we have explored one another. I know that if we go all in tonight, there will be repercussions that we will need to face that will ultimately end in pain. I know if we go all in tonight, we will never be the same people we were previously. However, I think I would much rather face all of the necessary consequences, rather than knowing we could've but never went all in tonight.

"Yes," I whisper.