Hello, It's Me ? Steven Hyde

"Hello, House of Chicken?" Fez asked into the phone at The Hub one night. When he got clarification from the other end, a grin broke out onto his face. "How big are your wings?"

Hyde, who sat at the nearby table, slowly turned back with a disappointed look. "Breasts."

"Oh. How big are your breasts?" Fez tried again, snickering. He then paused. "This is Fez, who is this?"

Hyde's head once again snapped back, waving wildly for his friend to hang up.

Fez did so, sighing in relief. "My first prank call. Every night with you is an adventure."

"Yeah, Fez, it's a real rollercoaster, ain't it?" Hyde muttered sarcastically, turning back to his paper.

"Hyde, how come you do not have a girlfriend?" Fez suddenly asked, joining his friend at the table. "Is it because you're so fixated with Liz, who you cannot be with?"

The comment earned Fez a glare. "Knock it off, man. She has nothing to do with it."

"Oh, really?"

"I said knock it off," Hyde managed through gritted teeth.

The door to The Hub swung wide open, allowing a leather-clad girl with greasy blonde hair to stroll in. While she seemed immediately unimpressed by the place, her eyes landed on Hyde. "Hey, you, is there a motel in this pukehole?"

He blinked a few times, taking in her stature, before pointing towards the door. "There's a Sleepy Time Lodge three pukeholes over."

"Thanks." The slightest of smiles finally graced her features. "I'm Chrissy."

"I'm Hyde."

"Who cares?" She shot back. "You wanna hop on my Vespa, and, uh, show me where it is?"

Hyde glanced out the open door, noticing the blue scooter sitting right outside. The sight caused his eyes to widen and mouth to drop open. "Mother of God, I think I love you."

The words caused her to scowl, jabbing a finger in his direction. "Love is an outdated concept, used by industrialists to keep women subservient."

"Mother of God," he breathed, eyes growing even wider, "I do love you."

❁

Liz sat in the basement with Eric and Kelso, her eyes bouncing back and forth to follow the Pong ball on screen. While her brother sat forward with his tongue out in complete concentration, Kelso somehow was able to keep up while reading a comic.

"Damn," Eric hissed as his friend scored another point. "Damn. Damn!" Giving up, he threw the controller down onto the table.

"Kelso, how do you do that??" Liz asked, her mouth falling open in disbelief.

He barely even looked up from his book. "What happened?"

"What happened?" Eric stammered. "You just beat me, fifteen-nothing!"

Kelso let out a sigh, finally glancing up. "So what? I mean, hitting a ball with two paddles is so boring. I need a new challenge, something totally different. I need to hit the ball with... with smaller paddles."

"Smaller paddles?" Liz questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah!" Kelso perked up with excitement. "Where's Red keep his tools?"

Eric held out a hand, which didn't stop Kelso from racing over to unhook the game. "Oh, no. Not Red's Pong."

"Yeah, Kelso," Liz agreed. "He actually really likes that game. Surprising, considering him, but I don't think you should be going up to—"