reason | sim jake

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without explanation jake moved out of his own room and switched his room with sunghoon and jungwon letting the boys have his room to share with jieun and seoyun.

when the boys were about to bombard him with copious amounts of question, he made it clear with his facial expressions that he was fucking pissed and they kept quiet.

the two boys speculated on why he was so angry, and it traced back to seoyun. "do you think they got into a heated argument?"

"well it's clear they fought, Jieun texted me saying that seoyun was behaving weird and barely has been talking." sunghoon faced his phone towards jungwon so that he could read the texts.

"however it doesn't say why they're acting like that, how come seoyun didn't tell her what happened? she tells jieun everything!" jungwon groans and slumps into his seat while the curiosity was killing him.

"whatever happened, it was a big enough argument for him to switch rooms considering how they were in each others arms the other day."

"i mean he really likes her so what made him so angry that he had to switch rooms that's what makes no sense to me!" the younger one raved and sunghoon shrugs.

"we'll find out sooner or later." Sunghoon assures.

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the three days vacations were up quicker than everyone knew and we had to, the teacher as you know had us sit next to our classroom seat partners to take attention.

i soundlessly amble towards my seat which was next to jaeyun and he clenched his jaw at the sight of me, averting his eyes.

my head fell low as i took my seat, patiently waiting for attendance taking to be over and the moment that it was i swiftly risen from my seat and made my way to the back where jieun and the rest were.

jaeyun shifts his eyes over to where i was planning on sitting and exhales deeply.

sunghoon and jungwon took notice of how quick i got out of my seat to stray away from jaeyun, now it was clear to them that i had fought with him and that was weird behavior was because of him.

i placed my head against the window and observed landscapes outside. The tall mountains were my favorite, they way they blended seamlessly with the sky was so alluring.  

i pondered about the other night and what i said to jaeyun and it all came crashing down in front of me, "give me a damn reason, why I should go about my way and be with you?" I recall myself speaking in a rather distasteful tone.

i was so angry and unsure about his words that i had pushed him away.

my habit of being avoidant was my worst enemy, because he was right in front of me, the boy who's hated me since middle school.

telling me that he liked me and i froze and didn't want to accept him and pushed him away harshly, knowing it probably crushed him.

I couldn't comprehend why i push people away when they want to help me, I feel so paranoid opening myself up, trusting people even the ones I've known my entire life.

and it's made me acknowledge that I've locked myself up my whole life, but I can't help it it's the way i was made.

to experience someone loving me was a rewarding one, but i can't ever reciprocate those feelings back, even if i tried to.

loving me was like finding pieces of shattered glass and attempt to glue it back together, just for it to crumble into pieces at the end because it was fragile and didn't know how to handle the love and care put into it.

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