how am i? (1)

Realizations

This past week I've made a lot of realizations about my life and what I'm doing with it. It sucks to say that all of these came from a disconnect with one of my friends, but that's just the truth of the matter. I've been talking about these realizations a lot on here and I figured I should put them all in one place so I don't forget them. Here is what I've realized.
1- My supposed friend wasn't a true friend. She hates me for whatever reason and doesn't truly care about me. I'm not even sure if she ever cared about me. I tried to be there for her when we were close and we would both talk openly about stuff, but something went wrong along the way. Her friendship is not something that I truly need, because I don't need a friend who doesn't care about me. I don't need a fake friend.
2-She was holding me back. Now this is a weird one. It's not directly because of her, it's mostly just the friendship in general. She wasn't directly keeping me from something, but now I feel like our relationship wasn't a good one and that's what kept me from this. I've grown so much in this past week than I ever have and that's directly related to this disconnect.
3-My mom will always be there for me. This past week I've been getting way closer with my mom that I've ever been, and it feels amazing. I love my mom I've always really loved my mom, but I've never been insanely close with her. I didn't tell her everything, but I have been recently and it's great. I realize so many things about her and myself from getting closer to her and I realized I was missing out on an amazing, fruitful relationship with my mother. She will always be there for me, unlike most friends. She will always be there for me to talk to and for me to cry to. It's not that my friends don't care they really do, the true friends do at least, it's that my mom will always care more than anyone else in the world and that's amazing.
4-I don't truly hate many people. I make a lot of jokes about how I hate people, but to be completely honest I don't hate many people. When I was asked at lunch who the people were that I hated I was struggling to come up with more than two. I've determined that those two people are the only two that I hate at school. There are some more people and more stories behind those hatreds that I can tell if you would want to hear them. Basically, I realize that I don't hate people, I hate to select few of people but not the entire species general. Yes, I do hate things that people do sometimes like kill other people, child molesting, rape school shootings, and a ton more, but that's hating an act, not a species. To all the people that I've wrongly said I hated, I don't hate you I may have hated what you did in that moment, but I don't hate you.
5-I matter. I have been doing so well recently with my depression. It's almost insane, the place I am mentally right now. If you had ever told me that I would be doing this well after that awful funk not too long ago, I would've probably left in your face in my brain would've told me no you deserve to live in this hell, it's either you suffer or you die. My brain doesn't hold back when it comes to these things. Basically, I realized how much I truly do matter to some people and to myself. This is probably one of the most perspective changing realizations that I've had, and I'm proud to say that it has finally happened. I'm proud to say that I've come this far.
That's what I realized this past week. These realizations may not mean much to you, but they mean the world to me.

Praying

At the top, I put the song praying by Kesha. This song is my current mood. Some of the things that she references to in this song are not my reality, but her change from the beginning of the video to the end is what I have discovered has happened to me. Only I know what the references mean to me, and if you want them explained, I'll do it.

Daily Overview

Rating 8/10

Today was great. I've had better really recently, but that doesn't make today any less amazing. Today was today and today was great.

Bye <3