how am i? (1)

So my mom is convinced the empty journal on the side of my bed is my diary. Little does she know that my "diary" of you will is public and online for anyone in the world to read it.

Writing

Sometimes I wish (even though I love you guys) that my close friends didn't read this. I'm not gonna lie sometimes there is something I want to talk about or just something in general that my friends don't know that I can't write on here because they read it. Mostly it's just depression swings, because no matter how hard I try, I can't bring myself to tell them every time I spiral. I just don't want to involve them in my mess. So, I guess I'll talk about it.

Spiraling Downhill

So, I've been scared to talk about this for to long now. The past week and a half I've been spiraling. Mount has been great and it's become my safe place. Some stuff in my family went down and my dad has been extra difficult lately and that's always been one of my triggers. I'm fine. I pretend like I'm fine, but I'm not. And I don't know what to do. So, please if your gonna text me about this don't give me that bullshit advice and say "just love yourself" because don't you think I've tried. None of you understand. Not one. Truly you don't. So, don't tell me to make it better. Please. Because I try ever damn day of my life to make it better and half the time it makes it worse. So, yeah. I guess I'm in one of those places where I expect that I would cry but I can't. I just can't. I'm numb.

Bye <3