how am i? (1)

Farewell Mass

Today was Pass It On mass or "farewell mass" as all the fancy adults call it. I loved my dress. I loved everything about everything that happened. The only thing that was bad was the flutes playing at mass. It was so bad. I'm a flute. I was really embarrassed honestly. Anyways, The after party thing in the ministries building was nice, the video was hilarious, they had chicken minis (only ate two I'm proud of that), and the yearbook ads made me smile. I feel like I'm going to miss this group. Yes, most of them will still be around and everything, but I'm going to miss it being just this group. I don't know. I can get pretty sappy, but I feel this weird bonding and this weird connection to all of them (even through half of them probably don't like me but whatever). I mean, for instance, two girls who haven't talked to me since probably 6th grade and one who I didn't even know knew I existed explain all of the stuff with pass it on mass to me. It made me happy. I always thought they were nice people no matter what some people may say, not saying this action defines them, but it was nice. For another example, everyone laughed and hung out together signing each other's yearbooks. I personally decided that I only wanted my best friends to sign my yearbook because I didn't care about getting a bunch of signatures or anything, I just wanted it to represent my year as a whole, and I figured I would save it for them, but some people went out of their way to sign people's yearbooks. Some I even let sign mine because I was happy that they even though about my friends and I. I don't know. I just felt this weird connection today. It felt like everyone let go of the pat and just lived in the moment and realized that we aren't gonna be with jut this group anymore and they took advantage of that. Was it just me? Maybe I read to far into it, but the way I felt today is indescribable. It was amazing.

Workouts

I spent the rest of my day working out. I want to loose weight before high school so bad. I haven't even very bad that much this past year, but I really want to kick it into high gear. I'm not gonna deprive myself of calories or stop eating or workout excessively or anything, but I'm going to focus even more. I want this so bad. I want happiness to come along with all this, and I know what people say. They say that loosing weight doesn't just magically make you happy, but I know deep in my heart it will change things. A lot of suffering I go through is because of my weight and my insecurities that have come along with being bigger than everyone for years. I'm done with it. I don't want to suffer anymore, so when I'm done with writing this, I'm going to go workout and do some cardio. It all started because Ania and I wanted to show people that we are stronger than they think, but things have changed. Now I'm on my own but that doesn't change my goals. I want to show all the people that ever thought those negative, horrible thoughts about my weight that I am so much more. I want to show them that I can be so much more. So, I've dedicated myself to waking the about 3 mile walk to the country club and then swimming for at least an hour just swimming laps and then tanning for a while, then going to the gym. Another thing I've always hated was how pale I am. I hate it. A lot. I think it might help. No matter what the random internet people might say, I still think it will make me happy.

Daily Overview

10/10

I won't forget this day. I can tell.

Bye <3