unknown ? tyler joseph x reader

[tyler]
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Pressure kept building up in my ears. I felt like my head was going to explode into a thousand tiny itty bitty little pieces, but it didn't. It stayed together.

The ceiling fan droned a quiet hum as I stared at it, my eyes trying to follow the blades. I kept failing and I kept starting over.

I hadn't been able to get out of bed for a week. After all that had happened with [y/n] and Sam, she moved back home. Justice went with her. I'd never felt more alone, despite Josh being right next to me the whole time.

He was worried. Josh, that is. He knew it was bad when I got like this, and because he had anxiety it was worse. I hated making him anxious, but me hating myself made him anxious and that just made me hate myself even more. Nothing worked. I felt numb.

I managed not to hurt myself. Not too bad, at least. I hadn't eaten in about a day. That's alright, though. Josh and I were going out for dinner tonight.

I hated being like this. I hated how every time I went through something hard in my life, I just sat around and sulked. It wasn't sulking, and I know that, it was a neurological problem. A chemical imbalance. But I still hated it. It affected everyone around me, not just myself.

But still I gazed up at the ceiling fan, letting invisible hands wrap around my neck and suffocate me until there was nothing left to torture.
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