Spark in the Dark

Chapter 141

Shawn went back into the living room and looked at her phone. She still hadn't heard from Juice. For the first time since she found out she was pregnant she wish for some wine, or even weed, to help ease her nerves. She thought about how relaxed she always felt after sitting with Juice in the backyard smoking a joint. She had never really wanted to smoke before that moment. She just did it socially if someone else was.

She heard the washing machine turn off and went to switch the laundry. Once back on the couch, her cell phone finally buzzed. She picked it up and saw a text from Juice.

Just got back to the clubhouse. Might hang out here for a bit. We had a rough afternoon.

Shawn's brow furrowed as she read his words. What had happened in just a couple of hours since she had spoken to him?

What happened?

It didn't take long for Juice to text Shawn back, but he didn't answer her question.

Do you want to come to TM?

Shawn texted back that she was on her way before finding her keys and going out to the garage to head for TM.

Juice read the text from her, then excused himself from the others before going into the clubhouse bathroom. As he opened the door to walk back out to the bar, Chibs walked into the bathroom and closed the door.

"What the hell was that today?" Chibs asked and Juice sighed.

They had been trying to help the cartel with their war with another crew. They were trapped in a mine field for over an hour before Jax used some of the weapons from the Irish to get them out. Before that happened though, Kozik stepped on a mine and was killed. Once they could move, Juice led the way out for Clay and some of the others. Chibs must not have liked that.

"I was just trying to make sure they were okay," Juice explained.

"You got a fiance and a baby on the way. You thought tearing through a mine field was the best way to take care of the others?" Chibs demanded. Juice sat down and started to cry. "Jesus Christ. What's going on with you, boy?"

"I... I feel like I can't do anything right anymore, man," Juice said, finally letting himself give in to the feelings he had been trying so hard to hide from everyone. "Shawn's gotten hurt so many times since we got together. And that... fucking asshole told me that she's going to get killed because of me. I'm starting to think he's right. I can't protect her. I had to kill Miles. And now Kozik died."

"None of any of that was your fault, Juicy," Chibs assured him. "He was the one who hurt her, not you. You took care of him so he can't do it, again. Miles stole from us. You took care of that, too. There was nothing any of us could have done for Kozik. Don't let that be a burden to you."

"What if... What if I can't take care of that kid? I never knew my dad. I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"Hate to break it to you, but even if you knew your old man, you still wouldn't know what the hell you're doing. No one has a clue what they're doing when they have a kid. You really think Shawn will let you screw this up?"

Juice laughed at Chibs' words. "No. Probably not."

"You got to trust your girl, Juice."

"Okay," Juice agreed.

"That means telling her when something is bothering you, too," Chibs said. "She know you feel this way?"

"No. I didn't want to worry her. She's got enough going on."

"You going to marry her?"

"Yeah."

"Then you got to be a team. Help each other out. That sort of thing. I didn't do that with Fiona and look how we turned out."

"Okay," Juice said, again, and stood.

"No more, Juicy, okay? I love you, brother," Chibs said and hugged him. "Couple of guys hugging in a bathroom, Jesus."

Juice chuckled and followed Chibs out of the bathroom. He walked outside and saw Shawn had arrived and stopped to talk to Tig. He must have told her about Kozik because she looked upset. She turned her head and saw him.

"Hey," she greeted him, her voice sounded concerned. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Do you mind hanging out here for awhile?"

"Not at all."

Shawn knew he wanted to be with here with the guys after losing on of their brothers. She followed Juice into the clubhouse with Tig not far behind. The guys all drank liquor while Shawn sipped on a soda Rat had given her. They talked about Kozik for a bit, sometimes laughing at some of the more ridiculous stories of things he had done.

Things started to quiet down about an hour later and Juice was ready to leave. They walked outside and he placed his arm around Shawn's shoulders.

"You ever worry about me with the baby?" Juice asked.

"No, of course not. What's there to worry about?"

"That I'll mess up somehow."

"We're both probably going to mess up multiple times. We'll figure it out as we go, okay?" Shawn stopped and turned to face him. "I love you. You are going to be a great dad."

She reached up and kissed him. He kissed her back, starting to feel better. When they pulled away from their kiss, Juice took ahold of her left hand and brushed his thumb over her engagement ring. "What about husband?"

Shawn smirked. "Husband or old man?"

"Husband," he told her. "I want to be your husband."

"Juice, we're going to be fine. I promise." Before Juice could decide if he wanted to agree with her or argue, the door to the garage office opened and Gemma stood there, several yards away. She motioned Shawn over and she sighed. "Guess I'll be right back."

"Did you tell Jax about Wendy this morning?" Gemma asked once Shawn reached the doorway.

"No. I haven't seen him. I assumed he went to St. Thomas to see Tara."

"Good. Don't."

"I'm not sure-"

"Don't," Gemma ordered. "Now, on to more important things. Did you have a ring on your finger this morning?"

"Yes."

"When's the big day?"

"Not sure. I told Lyla earlier I want to wait until after I have the baby so I don't look huge while walking down the aisle."

"Why not do it sooner then? Before you start showing?" Gemma asked.

"I can't put together a wedding that fast," Shawn reasoned.

"No, but I can."

"Seriously?"

"Get your fiancé in here," Gemma told her. Shawn stepped into the doorway, again, and waved Juice over. He entered the office a moment later.

"What's up?" Juice asked.

"Gemma wants to plan our wedding," Shawn explained.

"Give me two weeks," Gemma told them. "Tara will be out of the hospital by then. It'll be fine."

"How are you going to pull it off that fast?" Shawn asked.

"We'll use my dad's place. It's mostly empty. The back has a huge garden. All I need to do is rent some tables and chairs."

"You don't mind?" Juice asked.

"Not at all."

"Jax and Tara don't mind?" Shawn followed up Juice's question. Shawn thought maybe they would like to use the house since it was Jax's grandfather's place.

"I already suggested it to Jax when he first told me he was going to propose," Gemma explained. "You should have seen the look on his face. So, I'm going to say, no, they won't mind."

Shawn looked at Juice and raised her eyebrows. He smirked and shrugged his shoulders. "Up to you. You're the bride. You want to marry me in two weeks?"

Shawn bit her lip, but smiled. "Yeah, I do."