Spark in the Dark

Chapter 192

"You're out of your damn mind. How can you ask me to do something like that?" Shawn asked him in outrage.

"You're the only person I have left that I can trust. I know you'll take care of them-"

"And scar them for life, apparently," Shawn said sarcastically.

Jax sighed and rubbed his eyes. He seemed to be thinking about what he needed to say. "The day Abel was born, I found this manuscript JT wrote about what he wanted to club to be. It was all this stuff I never knew about him. It made me realize everything has just been one big cycle. Everything he went through, emotionally and mentally, I've gone through. He never wanted me to be apart of this, but when he died, I had no one to guide me another way."

"And now you want me to guide them in a different direction?" Shawn finished and Jax nodded. She had begun to understand what he was saying, but there was still one thing bothering her. "Why can't you do it? You said you had no one to guide you after JT died. It's not like you're going to be dead."

There was a long stretch of silence as Jax look down to his hands. He spun one ring around his fingers a few times. His silence made Shawn feel panicked. She waited anxiously for him to agree with her. He finally looked up at her, the look in his eyes told her what she needed to know. Her anger with him only moments before had dried her tears, but now they returned, blinding her. She shook her head, not wanting to hear whatever it was he was about to tell her.

"No. Jax, no."

"I killed a member. The president of another charter," Jax explained. "The club will have to vote Mayhem on me. They won't have a choice."

A sob escaped Shawn's throat and she buried her face in her hands. As often as Jax had pissed her off and as much of a toxic person he had become, Shawn couldn't help but still see her friend in him. When she looked at him, Shawn could still see the little boy who would let her ride on top of his handle bars when he and Opie would ride their bikes, who later grew into the man who let her be his first passenger on the back of his Harley the day he bought it. Even all the bad memories they shared together couldn't drown out the good ones.

"Please, Shawn," Jax begged with tears in his eyes. "Save my boys from becoming me."

"I can't," she cried. "I can't do this."

"You can," he told her and looked up to see Juice come into the kitchen. He wasn't surprised Juice hadn't stayed upstairs. If he had heard his wife crying, he wouldn't stay away. "Why don't you two talk it over? Sleep on it and let me know in the morning."

Shawn nodded without looking at him. Jax stood and kissed Shawn's forehead before passing her to talk to Juice.

"What's going on?" Juice asked, sounding concerned.

"She can fill you in," Jax told him. "Why don't you come back the ice cream shop in the morning? We'll patch you out the right way and you can let me know what you two decided."

Juice nodded, though he was confused on exactly what he was agreeing to. "Yeah, alright."

Jax patted his shoulder on his way out of the house. Juice went over to Shawn and gently rubbed her back.

"Shawn?"

"Where's Ally?"

"Asleep in her bed."

Shawn turned towards Juice and cried into his chest. Juice just held her, stroking her hair and rocking her. He knew she had to let it out all, but as he held her, he felt angry with Jax for upsetting her so close to when he was finally going to be getting her out. Why couldn't he just let her go in peace?