Spark in the Dark

Chapter 192

"I'm sorry, Shawn. We shouldn't have agreed to meet with him. I should have said no," Juice told her.

Shawn sat up and wiped at her eyes. "Well, he won't be bothering us for much longer."

"What did he say?"

Shawn told Juice everything. She started with Abel cutting himself and how he confessed to Jax that he overheard Gemma say she killed Tara. She explained that Nero ran with her as soon as they found out and how Jax believed Nero killed Roosevelt. As Shawn then told Juice that Jax had killed the president of another charter, Juice realized why she was so upset. The club was going to vote for Mayhem and there wasn't anything anyone could do to stop it. Shawn finished by telling Juice that Jax wanted them to take Thomas and Abel with them when they moved, but she didn't mention whether or not she was considering it.

She didn't have to, though. Juice knew her. She loved those boys and she loved Jax. If he wanted Shawn to be their guardian, Shawn couldn't say no. There was no question in Juice's mind that this is what they had to do.

"I guess we're going to have to look for a bigger house than we originally thought," Juice said once Shawn had finished and they both had a moment to think.

Shawn looked up at him in surprise. "You want to do this?"

"Of course I do," Juice said and took her hand. "And you do, too."

"I don't know, Juice," she said, shaking her head. "How the hell are we going to do this?"

"I'm not sure. We'll figure it out, though. We just have to take it one day at a time."

"How are you so okay with this?"

"I'm not sure, actually," Juice admitted. "Maybe because I see what a wonderful mother you are to Ally and I know Abel and Thomas are going to need that. You know what it's like to be raised by a woman who isn't your mother and be treated differently. You'd never do that to them. You're going to love them like they're your own."

"And what about you? You have a say in this to. If you want to say no-"

"I don't. I can't explain why, but I want to take them with us."

"I know what it's like to not have a mom. You know what it's like to not have a dad," Shawn said with a shrug. "Maybe you want us to be the people we needed when we were their age."

The corner of Juice's eyes prickled with tears and he nodded. "Maybe you're right."

"You're sure you want to do this?"

"Absolutely," Juice nodded. "I'm not even going to ask you. I know you are, too."

Shawn nodded, then suddenly scoffed. "Poor Ally."

"Why?" Juice asked, amused.

"Do you have any idea how hard it was to get a date with one Teller around? Now that girl is going to have to do it with two," Shawn said with a smile.

Her smile faded as she thought of Jax. Juice watched as her face crumbled and she began to cry, again. He pulled her to him to once again hold her.

"Why can't he just leave?" Shawn asked through her tears.

"You know why. It's not who he is," Juice told her gently. "He's a Son. He could never run from them even if it means..."

"He'll die," Shawn finished for him when his voice trailed off.

"Right."

"You're a Son, too," she pointed out and sat up to look at him. "Are you sure you won't miss being here? Being apart of SAMCRO?"

"I'm not a very good Son," Juice admitted. He had tried to sound like he was okay with his statement, but Shawn saw sadness in his eyes. She remembered how hard he had tried to fit in with them in the very beginning. She thought about how she had avoided him and denied her feelings for him all so she wouldn't jeopardize him getting his top rocker. Juice confessing that this wasn't the life meant for him was probably harder than she could realize.

"I'd rather you be a good husband and father," Shawn told him and rested her head against his chest, again.

"I try."

"You don't have to try. You just are. Not a lot of people would be okay with taking in two little boys who aren't their own and you're doing it without batting an eye."

Juice bent his head to kiss her hair as he sighed. "A year from now, this will all seem like a bad memory."

"It wasn't all bad," Shawn pointed out. "I got you out of it. And Ally."

"And now we're going to have two sons, too."

"I'm sort of scared," she admitted to him.

"Me too," Juice agreed. "But I know it will all work out."