If It Happens (Wenclair)

Wednesday's POV

When I left that night I had no idea where I would go, I kind of just let my legs take me where it felt right. Before leaving the room I looked back on how different it was now.

I can remember so clearly how our beds were separated with my dark and uneventful side that didn't even compare to Enid's colorful mess of personality. I always admired her strong spirit.

The bed was lined up against the spiderwebbed window, right in the middle of the room to symbolize how we came together. The black tape that used to be there was now holding up her posters.

That room is where we first kissed.

Our heartbeats were so strong it felt like the ground was trembling beneath us.
"One more and I'll forgive you..?"  I shot her a look and crossed my arms. "Don't push it."

The nighttime was peaceful like I expected, and the wind gently blew against my skin. The street lights were flickering, causing shadows to appear and disappear.

The cold air and sound of my footsteps beneath me reminded me that I am a human and I'm still here on this earth. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not.

I stopped walking and found myself at the fountain where I met with Enid to talk about who I thought was stalking me. She was wearing the outfit I picked out, the one she wanted to ask her secret crush out in and at the time I didn't know it was really me.

"You're wearing the clothes you made me choose for you."
"You're the one who said you liked it."

It's also where we had our first real fight.

"The more you talk the more I believe you're into him and I feel so stupid for letting you kiss me now."
"You kissed back Enid! It wasn't just me."

God I hated when we would fight. Sometimes I just didn't understand things the same way she sees the world and I had a harder time processing my emotions.

But the way we would touch each other made it feel like I've known her in a thousand past lives, and that no matter how many times we die, we find each other again.

We were facing each other and I could see the softness in her eyes, the longing for more.

"I'm sorry I can go back to my bed I don't know why I said all of that" she started saying and I could tell she felt nervous for insinuating what she wanted.
"No more talking" I whispered.

The moments before we would be together sexually were the most nerve wracking thing I could experience. I always got worried that this was the time she would see me naked would be the time she didn't want to be with me anymore.

She tugged at the hem of my shirt, letting me know she wanted it off and I happily did so.
"You're beautiful" she told me staring at my bare chest.

Then I remembered how I had a panic attack and couldn't tell Enid because I was embarrassed and felt too vulnerable after we first had sex, I made her feel awful and it almost costed her her own life.

"Wednesday please, after everything you're going to pretend like I mean nothing to you? What if it happens again?"
"It won't."
"Yeah I kind of got that when you decided that I'm some useless piece of shit to you unless you want me sexually."

I wandered away from the fountain to find another place that might make my head less nostalgic. I passed by the hospital where she had almost lost her life because of my stupid lack of communication.

I tried to make up for it by giving in and caring for her in the way she deserves but nothing can erase the past. Nothing can take that pain away.

"How long will I be here?" She faintly asked. She was trying her hardest to stay awake but I was afraid to say goodnight. I was scared I'd lose her again.

The hotel wasn't far away but I steered clear of that direction. I think that place hurt the most to see. We pretended like we were living our dreams of being together in our own apartment, pretending nothing happened.

That we were free of a bad past and us being together could fix anything.

"We can pretend we have our own apartment! Look there's even a microwave! And our own bathroom!"
I laughed at her innocence but went along with it.

"Oh we have worked long and hard to afford a place of our own but look at us now! Our very own overpriced place to live. How ever shall we celebrate?" I dramatically wandered the room while she laid in bed taking some ibuprofen.

The hotel is where we first said 'I love you'

"I think I... FUCK I LOVE YOU" she yelled.
"What?"
She was wide eyed with fear but I held her down.
"What did you say?"
"I love you" she quietly said.
"I love you too."

I could feel the pain and the hurt and confusion erupt from me as I dropped to my knees screaming.

There was no other noise as I pierced the night sky with a scream that only could be heard as a sadness you could never say in words.

Everything felt so insignificant and painful at the same time. How bad do I have to be, to have the love of my life laying next to me and I think it's too painful to stay?

Why? Because she was worried for me? Wanted to help? I stopped yelling and curled up on the cold concrete for a long time.

My head was racing with the images of her tied on the tree, Xavier, Yoko, us laughing, our crying, Bianca caring for us. It just.. wouldn't stop.

It felt like my brain was a mixtape that kept getting the film rolled up and messing it all up. Until it finally settled on the night we finally became mates.

My crying started to cease and I could breathe normally again with her head against mine and her thumb still rubbing my cheek.

I would give anything to experience that night again.

I was fully enveloped in her kiss and somehow it felt like our bodies connected like puzzle pieces and everything in the world made sense. It was a very physical yet deeply universal feeling.

"We're bonded now" she said.
"Weren't we always?" I asked with my eyes closed.

When it was all done and we came back to reality and laid on each other she said

"You're mine forever." I pet her head and closed my eyes just listening to her breathe for a minute.
"I can't wait for our forever."

But now... there wasn't. There wasn't a forever waiting for us, not because I don't love her. I always will. It just hurts to not be accepted and not have her accepted.

In an ideal world I wouldn't care what my parents told me and we would go about our lives living happily but it just doesn't work that way.

I needed Enid more than anyone else in my life.

The sun started to rise and I found myself a nice spot in the woods where three trees met together at the trunk, like they grew that way just for me to find that morning and be able to sleep on.

I was awoken by the sound of Enid and Bianca yelling my name- I didn't move a muscle. They were about 10 feet away and completely out of breath.

"She could be anywhere by now Bianca. I can't see how we'd find her."

She was crying and looked exhausted. I was so tempted to get up, to tell her I was here and that everything was ok. That our forever is still happening.

But I didn't. I couldn't.

They started to walk away and my heart sunk. When they left I foraged around the woods and found some berries to eat then continued to wander until nighttime.

It was dark as hell but I found myself going up a tall garage building. Going higher and higher until I reached the roof, and I stood there in the middle in a daze.

I don't know what I wanted to do but I sat on the edge, letting the wind blow against me. This wind wasn't as gentle. The higher up you are the more strong it is.

I closed my eyes just waiting for something to happen and finally, it did.

"WEDNESDAY!"