Un-intended

T W E L V E

"Thank you." He nodded.

"No problem." I sat my plate down.

"I swear your cooking is out of this world."

"Wow thank you!"

He wore a tight black fitted shirt with grey sweatpants. I saw the same scar running up his arm and dispersing into his shirt. I noticed another one on the side of his cheek. I never seen that one before, but it looked old.

He looked at me and I quickly looked away.

"So um." I started while searching for something to say. "How was your day?"

"Busy." He shrugged. "Same old. Probably will go out tonight with some friends."

"Do they know?"

"Nah."

I nodded. "Will you tell them?"

"Maybe." He shrugged. "It's kind of a personal thing."

"Oh."

Luca would show small moments of the nice him, but it didn't take long to slip back into that asshole persona. It confused me. How could someone be so...wishy-washy?

"Jordan asked me to go to dinner with him." I started. "He seems to be really excited about this."

"It's cause he's gay, gay people love babies." Luca laughed. "He said that, not me."

"You still haven't confirmed if you were in this or not." I looked down at my lap.

"I'm here aren't I?"

"Yeah, but you never said if you were."

"I'm showing up. It's what I'm supposed to do."

"Yeah but is that what you want to do?"

He remained quiet.

"I just don't want you to feel like I'm forcing you."

"You wanna know something I've picked up about you?" He questioned.

"What?"

"You're a people pleaser."

"I'm not." I scoffed.

Was I?

"It's sweet but annoying. You try to hard to satisfy someone instead of acting upon your thoughts. You live to satisfy people."

"Oh yeah? Well you're an asshole. So." I crossed my arms.

Luca laughed. "So I've been told. Look, don't take it the wrong way. It's good that you have a big heart, but sometimes people can see you as a doormat."

"A doormat? Wow." I shook my head.

"Yeah." He said. "It's easy to walk over you."

"Gee, thanks." I rolled my eyes. I turned away. I felt tears welling up in my eyes and my nose began to sniffle.

Great. Just great. I didn't mean to cry, but what Luca said was kind of getting to me.

"Oh no. Are you crying?"

"No." I mumbled. "Yeah."

"I'm sorry." He sighed.

"No it's okay. It's my hormones." I shook my head.

"I used to be like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, but then it realized, what for? When you stop living like that, you get a new confidence about yourself. Some might call you an asshole, but that's what you need to be in my line of work. I'd rather be the walker than the doormat."

Jorja always expressed to me how much I let people walk over me. I didn't believe it until Luca told me the same thing.

I never was a dominate person, I wanted things to go by in a peaceful order. People may call that a doormat, but I call it protecting my peace of mind. I hated any type of conflict, that's why Lola and I not speaking is tearing me apart.

"But, what's so wrong going through the world as a kind person? With so much hate, isn't that what we need?"

"The world doesn't deserve kindness. It's a dangerous place." He cleared his throat. "It takes from you and you can't get it back."

"So you go through life hating the world? When you carry such animosity, your making yourself not live."

"What's the point? We're all going to die anyway. I'd rather die having a good time then trying to make a purpose. I don't care how the world is after I leave, I care about what I do while I'm living in it." He shrugged.

Luca carried a lot of pain, which was understandable. I just wished that he saw more to life. The loving side. How beautiful it could be.

I wish we could experience joy, but when something so tragic happens, it's hard to.

I'm making it my mission.

Luca needed joy.