How To Survive In A Dump: The Diary of Mr. Thaddeus

At times I do stay and sleep in my uncle's wood shack before I leave for the morning. This may be one of these times as in my enjoyment of their foods I have forgotten the time and cringed as the sun slowly went down. Much like sleeping in a den of vampires and recognizing that it is too late for any form of escape. It is quite the dilemma as I will not obtain the formal treatment I am so used to receiving before bed and in the morning. 

However, there is somewhat of a silver lining amongst the clouds or should I say peppercorn bacon amongst the deviled eggs. If it were not for these simple things I would have enjoyed a long walk to a place most beautiful. As you should know I would prefer the long journey on foot, if it were my only way back to my most admired mansion and away from these delinquents.

Upon midnight my beloved aunt has left me cold water for the night as she said it would be quite warm and my uncle I believe is checking the fences before bed. My cousins if they be dead or alive, I could not care less and I have never much cared for their doings. I have heard some playing outside so my guesstimate would be they have been entertaining themselves with childlike games I would rather not be a part of.

WOULD IT NOT BE PICTURESQUE IF THESE YOUNG BLOODS WERE TAKEN BY THAT OF WOLVES?

What a bore it must be to have to create your own games? They to me look like dogs chasing their tails. It is of no interest of mine to stoop so low on the Darwinian ladder to a creature that has no grasp on intelligence. It often saddens me that there is a possibility that my own seed may end up just as daft as my uncle's children. I could only hope that some man creates a machine that tells if a child will become capable of true understanding and wisdom. Then if the child were not to have the potential required, their home would be in the life their after as there would be no place for such an object to be placed upon this earth. Or leave them with that of a den of Brown Bears where their bodies could come to some use. 

I for one do not believe that I should have to take care of a young man or woman who has no sense. It is my honest opinion that if we were to all take this approach the uselessness of our generation and the generations to come would be weeded out and a new and greater breed would be left behind which I am sure the earth would rejoice over. What a splendid place this would be don't you think? I would greatly enjoy such a place and could finally be surrounded by ones who could create a better future. I of course, if they had any intelligence would be their leader and would put men and women under me as I see fit.

....

New mornings when I awake to another day and again I must bathe myself which is a predicament in and of itself. It is quite difficult to take such a slippery mess and rub one's own body. Confusing at times it troubles me that I have not as of yet mastered this craft when so many others have. I must learn how to bathe myself properly as it may come a time where such a deplorable task will be needed. I do not believe it will be required that the help bathe me in the same manner as before. Although I do expect them to pour my bath to the right degree of temperature which shall not change in the least.

Upon finishing these other activities, sitting on the veranda again is quite the site as my butler readies my chariot for the journey home. My two elder parents, or uncle and aunt have provided me with meat and drink. Salted things of sorts and juices mixed that are freshly picked and done quite nicely. I may need to visit again soon just for the foods of course. Visiting for any other reason would be atrocious. I am only delighted that I had not encountered the diseases that are told to be of my blood. My father's, brothers' children. 

I often wish...even though I hate this lifestyle and what my uncle stands for, although this would please me greatly, that I could call upon his name as if he were my own father. He is so unlike my own but at least his children see him often. I do believe it has been a few years since I have seen mine or touched my mother's hair. They may as well not exist although this would bring me great joy if this was the case. It would be very fine indeed if they were to go somewhere, and some ordeal occurred to meet them on their way. If they could never return, I am sure I could manage on my own. I have already done so since I was such a young age. I would say seven or more. They have never in any way helped me in any of the atrocities I have had to face.

The chariot ride seems like a long one. One allowing me to contemplate on the finer things in life in which I have an abundance of. I do believe that it is better to think on happy times and not ones that bring sadness as it can and will at most deter you from a much happier and longer life. I have heard many expire from thoughts of a strenuous life, although their life was full of pleasures and constant enjoyment. They like most seem to lack the ability to think on the material things consistently that brings about happiness. 

Whenever I found myself wanting, it has always been best to buy materials pleasing to my eye from the eventful shops downhill or to order by mail from a place far off. This has always given me joy for some time until boredom ensued and it would be for my benefit to acquire some other trinket or toy that would help me in my time of need. I do enjoy shopping in a most peculiar way. Most times it is the lady species as I have heard who takes great merriment in such things however, it is I who have taken a liking to this particular pastime. 

In all honesty most men are usually in the caverns and halls drunk with prostitutes and loose women with which they can in their drunken stupor spend their hard-earned money all "willy-nilly". I however am in no need of such things. It is degrading for one such as myself to pay for a woman for anything. I believe it to be disgusting and appalling in every sense of the word unless she carries herself well and still of a virgin. It would not do for one in my position to be held by that who has been touched by another. It is quite disturbing and would be better to lay with swine. To lower my own self to such filth is unworthy of someone of such stature.

 In all fairness they, these backwards commoners look downwards upon one such as I for the need of more and more material things. This love of shopping if you will. Although I believe it is more of a jealousy as their wants for such things could never and will never be met, as they lack the potential funds for such endeavors. I often laugh at these bumbling buffoons and their cast down looks as I pass by in a newly made rolling metal piece with such a beautiful interior it would cause a wealthy king to swoon.