How To Survive In A Dump: The Diary of Mr. Thaddeus

June 22nd

It concerns me that such fools have not come to me in my time of need. Not one has entered my accommodation to have me ready for bath. Nor have they given me provisions that I would desire. Instead, some sort of brown mush has been placed before me. What disgusting little ingrates they must be? Curse the day I ever came to this place. Do they not see that I am so much more than they could ever be? Is it not clear that they in their poor taste and living that they should see greatness and bow before me like those in my own dwelling? Has it not occurred to them by my dress and speech that they stand before a King in my own right?

 Idiots! It is a wonder they have survived such a long time. I shall still eat this disgusting mess they have placed before me. Although I will not enjoy it. I am not so foolish to believe that I would not require sustenance at a time such as this and should hold my tongue as I await my abductors. If it were for me to act in accordance with my stature in a place such as this, it may not go well with me. Once I have found myself in the proper conditions, I shall return here and belabor these savages with such malice that their children's, children's, children will be dumbfounded, confused and without honor. It is not for me to forgive such impudence. 

Their "cereal" and manners have left such a distaste down to my bosom that it hardly bothers me that if my imaginings were to occur to such folk, it would not inconvenience me in the least. And most exasperating of all, they have the nerve to lay out their own clothes before me and have not taken my own wear to wash and prepare. Do they really believe that I would take on the nature of a rodent such as themselves? It would not surprise me if they were to ask me to place my hands upon a saw and work amongst them like dogs. But this is the least of my worries. I shall leave immediately and return home. Once I am able to speak with one of these lesser things, I shall ask in which direction would best lead me to my own destination. I grow weary of their shenanigans.

It is about midday and upon arrival I find that it is not my young scallywag who has come to entertain his guest, but an older gentleman. He seems to be at least thirty if my guess is correct. I find it quite odd that he, with his meager and lackluster surroundings seems to find any form of happiness. As if he did not desire a better life. I guess I am being absent minded. It is clear that this is all they know and would not have a proper knowledge to better themselves the way I or my own kin have. I dare say they may be on a much lower intellectual level than even my very own cousins which may not seem plausible. Seeing as they are idiots of another kind. I have chosen not to wear their ridiculous clothing as it does not amuse me and I shall return home in my own attire. What would people think of me if I came trudging along in some overalls and a shirt covered with smudges of dirt? I shall not appear to them like swine.

REVOLTING

I have asked him to return me to the place where I once lay so that I may return home. Upon question, my person did receive a quizzical look and was asked if I had hit my head upon a rock. That in which I replied that I had not. Of course my reply was not satisfactory in my mind as other vocabulary would have been much more suited for his idiocy. This nose bug has the audacity to speak to me as if I were mad? Oh, what I shall do with this young man will be a lesson to any and whoever dare to speak to me in such a way. It would only be graced to cut off his tally-wacker and hang him by the gallows.

I now sit upon an outside chair of some sorts. If I may call it that. I would liken it to a wooden box with a cushion made from leather and feathers as they seem to protrude from the seams. Well not liken it to but to say it bluntly. It is exactly that. I have been told that the youngest daughter had made such an atrocity before she passed away in sickness. Poor dear! To be born to such horrific conditions. Alas, she is in peace, much like this mess I am now seated upon and is no longer required to deal with such a wretched lifestyle. Pigs would feel foreign to such a mess. Even as I sit here to survey beyond the town, it does not give the impression that the wall even exists. I know the height of that beautiful masterpiece and yet I still cannot see it even from where I am.

So how is it that I cannot see it from where I stand? Unless by magic the wall was made invisible, and I shall need to rub my hands along its length until I find its secret door. Or better yet, the sorcery that lays upon my chest will again mystically pull me to its home so that I may find my own. I shall leave the key upon the door so I may never again enter such and such a place once I find my way back. Imagine if some poor sap were to stumble upon this key again. Would it not lead to hilarity if he were to be lost in this place for ever? How dreadful would that be? I shall not be here forever. Even if at moments it has felt as if my eternity would be spent here. It is such a wonder that a people could be so poor and still smile as if their life was at its best. 

Does it not concern them that they could do better? But again, I must have forgotten myself in knowing that their species is much more inferior to one such as I and those who birthed me. They may look like they are considerably similar to my own kinfolk within my lineage conversely, I believe, my own relations have evolved in a much more significant manner that I no longer could call myself or my parents completely human. Or it may be that we are more human, and they are inhuman in some respects the way those monstrosities, or Neanderthals as they call it are similar, yet not the same to other homo sapiens. It would not be any wonder in the least if the less fortunate and destitute evolved a much less complicated and yet sophisticated apparatus within their skull's. Ones whom were incapable of intellectual prowess in which we, or my own people have not suffered. 

If I were someone of scientific significance, my first thought would be to crack open the skull of one such person and those, if any like myself to investigate the inner workings of human matter within the calvarium. Of course, for the latter, it would only be after death that such a hypothesis could be worked upon. As it would be such a shame to rid the world of one such as myself before their time. As for the first, they grow like weeds and even in death, another twenty may spring up to take their place to work and die with no noteworthy gift to humanity. 

This would be my genius that would be well noted in history books for years to come. If I found the piece for stupidity that labels mankind and in some way, I could engineer an instrument to remove this pestilence from within human development. Then the world could be full of intelligent life and capable of the creation of some sort of Utopia, with myself at its head and others like me. If it were possible to create a world full of I's this world may finally attain some exquisiteness.

Again, I daydream of a better way, but shall forthwith speak on matters that do need to be attended to. You see, as I allowed you into my mind earlier my prisoners have taken me on a quite unhappy, uneventful ride to beyond the outskirts of their town to what seems to be nothingness. Even the key I once held dearly to my neck, falls upon my bosom in its tarnished, unreliable, and obnoxious state that has left me flabbergasted. Even upon reflection of their faces, my captors are ill amused and have whispered. As if I were irrational and possibly sick from some disease. Like those on some drunken stupor, falling between river and mire as they dredge their woes in spirits. 

Must I have fallen into some place of witchery unknown to mankind? Even as I pinched myself then retrieved a metal bar of sorts. Belaboring my own self to wake up from such a ghastly dream! I soon found that yes, I still live. Somehow, I have been tricked into such a dilemma and it bothers me so that I am still here. Even now I am cooped up in some room as my abductors speak to a specialist outside my chamber. Even now they explain of my madness of which I may feel I need to agree.

HAVE I BEEN CRAZY THIS WHOLE TIME!!!