How To Survive In A Dump: The Diary of Mr. Thaddeus

September 3rd

If only I had found a way to strangle these cockle headed beasts. Imagine upon my awakening as these diarrhea-ridden, flea buckets had left me sustenance and one girl who I do not know spoke just inside of ear shot that they were to take the horse and buggy to market. They could have spoken to me on such a delight as it was not my intention to trudge these ill-ridden streets. How could I walk among such commoners? It is already a shame that I must reside amongst this grime. Why must I stroll along the excrement left behind from these dirty laborers outside? It is criminal to have such worms to live and reside amongst those like myself. Although I must say they do serve their purpose. 

A phrase that I always use and you might care to enjoy is; if it were not for the fly upon that which has been devoured and wasted by the body, this unwanted deposit would continue and not be broken down by maggots. So indeed, even though these lesser human beings are a nuisance and eye sore, I do say, reluctantly so I may add, that they deserve their place amongst the living. It is now my intention that I shall go amongst them in the horse and buggy and hope to the stars that no man nor woman with the exception of my grandfather is to sit near me. I, in the meantime will approach whom ever speaks at the door and tell her of what I need to do in the hopes that they shall not accompany me with the exception of the driver, so that I may soon return home. It would endanger me to not forget this sorcery of a key as it may be the tool that allows me to reach my own time. I shall speak to them forthwith. But a moment.

Upon further investigation I have found that it shall only be my own father's younger self who shall be there to escort me. It is his duty to acquire merchandise needed for the household and it is his buggy which he has invented that shall be of transport. Although it distresses me that he has created such a beautiful contraption at a very young age. I guess he was good for something after all.

I am now within my room preparing to leave, albeit with much difficulty. Bathing was not the most pleasant as I have never had to do it on my own until I was found here. It is times like this that I wish I could have been within the confines of my own mansion more than at any other time. My attire that I am accustomed to is currently being washed by the women folk of this specific household. So, I am forced to wear what commoners are used to. It shall not last however as I soon will be uniformed in what I normally wear. It is only a matter of time before I taste the sweet victory and this key and world and whatever may have brought me here tastes defeat. Splendid. This world that I know so well will glory upon my coming as I enter into it and exit this horrible place.

 Oh how I wish I could bring my own grandfather along but that may never do. I cannot conceive what could occur if such a significant event were to transpire. It may have its benefits although, why would the world need two great men such as myself and him at the same time and space? I would say I have even become an improvement on an older model. He being great in every way but lacking the discipline in order to put those who are under him in their place and under his subjection. I however have no issue in using those under me for what they are needed for. It would be trivial to explain further in any detail as I have already elaborated multiple times through this process of thought and wish not to go on in any element.

Upon arrival of the contraption that they have chosen to call a buggy, I am flabbergasted. Never have I seen something so unworthy of holding my rescue. How shall I sit in a mess that is only worthy of the least of men. It would be better for me to ride upon a pig, muddied, dirty with sweat pouring from its brow through golden city streets than to be found upon this thing. I could only imagine the way the wealthy would laugh at me in such a predicament. I am deserving of so much better than things such as this. I can only observe it from within the somewhat desirable confines of my bedroom however, it is enough of an eyesore that being in disgust is such an understatement.

 In comparison to what we advertise amongst our own established business it is a wonder how I or my parents ever came into such wealth. My father must have had years of practice in building such things before he decided that the makeup of the model must change. Granting, another possibility could be that somehow the material used to create our own fine models such as the magical woods have endowed my own father with knowledge in creating such fine workmanship. It is clear that my grandfather's own intellect was not passed down to such a brute, as some sicknesses have skipped a generation only to land upon their children. If my latter theory proves to be true than it would mean intellect and the magic of these trees has created a much more superior being than both my grandfather and those of this world.

 It does make sense and I am sure the reader must agree that this hypothesis seems most plausible and my conclusion most accurate. I shall let out a sigh and trudge on but will not fall into gloomy thought. Even the best of men has times of hardship, and it is in their own strength that they grow and become what they need be. I shall allow myself to see this as a test in which I shall overcome, as I am capable of anything through my own strength. It is needed for me to survive in this turbulent time and to be free from this wretched place so that I may return to my own home. My own time. What a blessing it shall be to be amongst my own gold bricks, my silver coins and servants that fear me to the very core. I could only dream of such fancies. Yes! And sweets and delicacies that would cause any healthy human being who never wished to overindulge, to become gluttonous and possibly explode from such fancies. 

I fear I may die if I never see such joy once again. Even if I do not indulge like those other wealthy, older men of the town I do my fair share. I have recently noticed that without such dainties I seem to be changing in shape which seems undesirable of someone who owns so much. I shall not wish to look like my cousins nor these others who live in this household. Neither skinny nor fat they seem to look incredibly strange with such a body type like those of whom build houses and labor with their hands and feet. It may suite them as they do hard manual labor, and such a body is needed for such difficult, physical tasks. Mentally however they are not up to par as one such as I.